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The chess game from hell!

(12 Posts)
boringornot Sun 08-Sep-19 13:48:50

I want to separate, but STBXH is abusive, and seems to get angrier as he feels I "checked out" from the relationship. I spoke to a DV organization (I'm in Germany, not UK). Spoke to solicitor.

Solicitor told me to talk to STBXH and then decide what to do. DV counsellor told me to ask lawyer to send a letter to STBHX and then be ready to call the police if he becomes violent.

In the meantime, STBXH stabbed the dinner table with a knife when I told him he was not involved with DC's school. Kicked a chair.

I want to get rid of him. I want him out of the house. If I can't do that, I want to go to a shelter or somewhere. I don't have savings, can't pay for weeks in a hotel or something like that. Have no family or close friends here (have been living in Germany for one year only).

So I'm stuck here, counting the hours for the weekend to end, so I can be alone and try to decide something. I'm afraid of making the first move - because if it is the wrong move, god know what he will do. Right now he is on the phone arranging for friends to visit us next month. But either he or I + DC won't be here next week. And I can't say anything. I can't make any move.

OP’s posts: |
silenceofthemams Sun 08-Sep-19 13:50:17

Are you with your partner due to a military posting Op?

TheAlternativeTentacle Sun 08-Sep-19 13:52:43

Have you got a good reason to need to come back to the UK with the child/ren?

Can a family member fake some sort of emergency?

silenceofthemams Sun 08-Sep-19 13:53:06

If not, here is a link to a search site for Women's refuges in Germany. I'd urge you to contact one as soon as possible, in the instance that he's throwing knives around.

https://www.frauenhauskoordinierung.de/en/emergency-aid-in-cases-of-violence/finding-womens-shelters/

Please take care of yourself, don't worry about visiting friends etc.

Spingtrolls Sun 08-Sep-19 13:57:06

I would be faking an emergency.
If you was my friend I would help.
Reach out to friends/family. They will help you leave and put you up.

boringornot Sun 08-Sep-19 14:27:12

Thanks everyone! To those saying that I should fake an emergency to leave the house, and then? What do I do afterwards?
I'm originally from south America, but lived 12 years in London and have many friends there. (Not military)
What happens after I leave the house? Will the DC stop going to school? Where do I stay in the medium term?

OP’s posts: |
silenceofthemams Sun 08-Sep-19 15:50:40

I think there would be serious consequences if your husband thought you were trying to leave the country with your children. Please just contact the refuge. X

boringornot Sun 08-Sep-19 16:53:09

@silenceofthemams can I just call a refuge and say I want to go? Don't I need a referral or something?
And after I get there, what happens? Our house is rented and we have to give 3 months notice before we leave. Do I have to spend 3 months in the refugee?

OP’s posts: |
PicsInRed Sun 08-Sep-19 18:20:00

Call the police for each incident and document, document, document. Contact them and report the knife incident.

That will be your best chance of having it taken seriously in German family court - and eventually potentially for you to potentially be granted permission to move the children back to London. That's a long shot, I caution you, but it may be more likely if you can evidence domestic abuse.

If you keep quiet, the starting assumption will be that it didn't happen.

Wish I had documented from the get go. It's a lot more uphill without that reporting history.

flowers

silenceofthemams Sun 08-Sep-19 19:45:48

For a first step I would find the one in your locality and call them to discuss. They also offer counselling and legal advice so could help you with regards to information on your tenancy etc.

boringornot Mon 09-Sep-19 08:46:22

@picsinred, thanks, I hadn't thought of reporting it after it happened. You're right, I should have done that.
I'm still getting used to the idea that in my home there is domestic violence. It's a huge thing to accept.

@silenceofthemams I'll call them and ask for guidance.

OP’s posts: |
boringornot Mon 09-Sep-19 08:49:49

@picsinred, thanks, I hadn't thought of reporting it after it happened. You're right, I should have done that.
I'm still getting used to the idea that in my home there is domestic violence. It's a huge thing to accept.

@silenceofthemams I'll call them and ask for guidance.

OP’s posts: |

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