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Is an emotional affair any easier to forgive?

(8 Posts)
PickYourselfUp Fri 06-Sep-19 16:09:22

Just that really. Dh and i in the midst of turbulence. He's been havibg an EA. Has asked for time to sort out his feelings. I am wondering if/when to jump. Can this be forgiven? Can i forgive myself if I let this carry on?

Currently going along with things while i get ducks in a row at least bit feel rrally unsure right now.

OP’s posts: |
Tippletopple Sat 07-Sep-19 09:57:32

It depends on his attitude. Ex and I split after she had an emotional affair, but the main reason was she didn't really do anything to help heal our relationship. She remained infatuated and actively sabotaged things in a passive-agressive way. It was that which caused me to file eventually as opposed to the actual affair itself. I just got fed up of being treated like cold leftovers and being treated like the parent of a 15 year old who's constantly trying to sneak out to see the local "bad boy".

All the time she just kept saying she needed more time to sort her feelings out. In the end I realised she never was. She didn't want me, she wanted him but with me turning a blind eye so she could have her cake and eat it.

I just got sick of it all. I thought I deserved better. I thought "this isn't the person I thought I was marrying". This isn't someone I can love.

If your Dh is taking responsibility and genuinely contrite, then I think maybe. That was lacking from my Dw - I never got any sense she was genuinely contrite.

PickYourselfUp Sun 08-Sep-19 06:43:39

Thank you for your thoughtful reply but it doesn't matter. My marriage ended last night for definite. The pain is overwhelming and I am scared of the future but I couldn't look at myself in the mirror if i continued in a relationship with someone who so obviously thinks they love someone else. I'm not convinced it is love but the betrayal is just as real either way and so is the heartbreak.

I deserve someone who will truly love me.

I feel like such a fool. I was always so smug andr used to read mumsnet posts saying any man could have an affair with scepticism thinking about how I'd found an honourable man who wouldn't do that to me. Now i feel like a mug. Yes. Any man. even mine.

Now i have to get up. Go downstairs and somehow find a way to tell my children that daddy isn't going to live here any more without terrifying them by breaking down into sobs in front of them. Hell be there too, but the onus is on me to keep it together.

OP’s posts: |
snackarella Sun 08-Sep-19 06:56:00

Didn't want to read and run. This is so awful and my thoughts are with you today. Your children will be ok as long as you remain their constant support. Hard I know xx

GreenFieldsofFrance Sun 08-Sep-19 07:13:04

Try to keep it at the forefront of your mind that what you're doing is showing them that they should never stay in a relationship where they are not being treated with respect. Obviously you won't be saying those exact words but just in the action of what you're about to do, you're modelling that strength and it will stand them in good stead in years to come when they go off into the world and have their own relationships. thanks

Savingforarainyday Sun 08-Sep-19 07:36:27

Do you have to tell the kids today?
When we told our kids, we had many details sorted out ( ie where their sad was going to live)....
Might be easier to wait a few days, get loads of details sorted, and then tell them?

I'm so sorry for what you are going through...

PickYourselfUp Mon 09-Sep-19 00:49:13

Our 7 year old is exceptionally perceptive and was obviously aware of sonething and worrying. I think he thought i was sick/dying judging by his questions so it was better to drip feed him a little of the truth than let him wonder and worry.

OP’s posts: |
Stillfunny Mon 09-Sep-19 11:15:15

I understand you. My DH now says " it wasn't real " .But it felt real to me when I discovered the things he said and did to me.
And yes, I used to read about this sort of thing and think my DH would NEVER do this. But he did .
So sorry you have to deal with this and the fallout of telling your DCs. flowers

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