After over a year of lying, deceiving and making me out to be a crazy, paranoid psycho it's out there and much as deep down I knew, it wasn't until he admitted it.
Now I just can't get the thought of them together out of my head, that they are happy, laughing at me and will have a great life ahead while I will be sad and lonely.
That I have just been replaced like a commodity after 20 years of marriage. That they are doing what we used to do together. That she has stolen my life.
She's younger than me so I also now feel old, ugly and unwanted and up until this I quite liked me.
I hate it now when he rings the DC from her house in the evening, hate the fact she might be listening to calls that have naff all to do with her. Hate the thought that she might get involved in their lives.
I have lots of support, I have hD lots of counselling throughout the hell he has put me through and have more booked.
I have adjusted and can cope better with other things but not this. The anger and rage I have for him and for her is just eating me up.
I know I need to stop thinking about them, to stop caring but I'm finding it so hard.
They both cheated and lied, I just want it to all go horribly wrong for them now reality kicks in, not because I want him back but because I'm suffering and I want them to as well.
Before all this I was a normal, rational human being with minimal hate for anyone.
I hate what's its done to me as well, but I think a year of emotional stress has taken its toll.
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Divorce/separation
How do you cope with the OW
VivaVegas · 05/09/2019 16:28
And that excruciating physical pain really does pass until thinking about him feels neutral, like remembering some twat you used to work with. You'll get there, promise. 
Although on a much smaller time frame (not together as long and he had only known her for one day before deciding that he wanted to be with her over me...) I feel exactly the same way. The feelings of being replaced, and thinking of how much happier he must be with her really drag me down and the pain is excruciating. Like you I'd also like him to feel the same pain and am waiting for karma! He also told me I needed to "move on and let him go" like it was the easiest thing in the world 
However, I will say, I am doing better. There is no time frame on how long it will take to get over him and I know it will probably take me a long time (it's been three months, but the nature if it and how it was completely out of the blue are skewing everything!) But I am doing much better than I was a few months ago, and you will too :)
Counselling is a good idea, i went to my first session yesterday and it did help. Stay strong, you are not alone and men are shit!
Counselling will really help and, one day in the future, you will be with some nice, trustworthy hot guy and see you ex in the street with his tart and realise that you are the one who has the best life. And then you will feel sorry for him and laugh at how you thought he was the best you could get. And squeeze your boyfriends hand and smile at each other and continue up the street to the cafe....... the end. 
It just takes time. You will get there. Your life is just beginning.
It honestly will get better. I am 20 odd years past divorce now - and honestly, my predominant thought is that I am utterly grateful I am NOT growing old with him.
We had children together, there was another woman - and he is still with her. Younger than me, all the cliches.
But... I have another partner of 19 years who I utterly adore and who is kind, lovely, dependable and we have so much fun. DCs have little to do with their dad now they are grown, but love DSD.
Ex-H looks old, worn out and miserable on the odd occasions I see him. His DW has a chronic health condition, and I basically feel very sorry for her. I understand he is not particularly kind to her, or helpful. My DC are quite appalled by how selfish he is when they visit.
It will get better. . Give it time.
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