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Expectations for contact time

(4 Posts)
SBD1 Wed 04-Sep-19 12:04:49


For the first 4 weeks of the summer holidays my son went to stay with my mum and had a great time.

My ex complained that he missed him and his mother also wasn't happy with it. Bearing in mind, my mum hasn't ever been able to spend quality time with DS, this was a big thing for her and honestly they had so much fun together. DS loves my sister and brothers so it was fantastic.

Since he returned home, for the last two weekends my ex has taken DS to his mums house to stay the weekend so they've had some quality time together.

I suggested to my ex two days ago that as he doesn't have his own place, he is welcome to come here on a Friday night, stay over with DS whilst I go stay at my "friends" house for the night. And then he can go home Saturday evening, meaning he has his Sunday to himself. He lives with friends so can't take DS for the weekend yet.

He then said, what you want me to come up every two weeks? The petrol cost is going to kill me.

AIBU to think once every two weeks isn't even enough??!?! He was the main caregiver for the last 5 years (DS is 8) and says how much he misses him yet is complaining about every two weeks and not getting a weekend to himself....

He will see him this weekend, weekend after DS is going to his grandmas again from Friday to Sunday so he won't see him then. It's really annoying me, this attitude. He loves that he gets to go out and do stuff with his friends and spend money on himself, yet complains that he misses DS BUT THEN complains that I am expecting him to drive up here too often. He doesn't have his own flat, so what does he expect? Ugh

Help me navigate how often a father should see their child please!

OP’s posts: |
HennyPennyHorror Wed 04-Sep-19 12:32:52

YANBU. Once every 2 weeks is nothing. I would bloody tell him so too! Doesn't he miss his son? Tell him it's important for him to be a regular fixture.

Every other weekend isn't enough to be an involved, hands-on dad. He needs to find a way to be more involved in that

SBD1 Wed 04-Sep-19 14:17:35

I think at the weekend we probably need to sit down and discuss.

At the moment he has to drive 130 miles every other weekend to collect DS from MIL and bring him back to mine. I've offered to do that myself every other time because I live half way between them.
Then every other other weekend I am requesting him to drive a total of 40 miles to my house and back to spend the night with DS.

He adhoc drives up midweek if I need him to babysit but thats once next week and unlikely to ask again for a few weeks.

So its to do with the petrol costs. Thing is, I was the one spending money when we were together on driving all of us everywhere so I feel like its a bit of a mickey take.

It annoys me that he is banging on about fuel cost when all he does is give me £175 a month for child support and then I pay for DS and me to live, we have just enough money each month - whereas he is doing lots of social activities.

grumble grumble

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