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How did your children take the separation?

(4 Posts)
krkw Mon 02-Sep-19 10:38:08

I was careful to hide it from my My 5yo daughter but he moved out so she noticed and I did cry a lot(I'd say I had a bad head). She was waking up screaming after having nightmares her dad died and hitting and spitting at me.

We both sat her down and explained her dad had been bad and hurt me and couldn't live with me bad and. He promised her he would do whatever it takes to make it up to us and come back home. I wasnt keen on that because he kept changing his mind about us but it was said :s. She is back to her old self now, not hitting or spitting and happy. I guess honestly is what's best.

OP’s posts: |
millymollymoomoo Mon 02-Sep-19 17:09:16

Why in earth tell her that dad had been bad

You just need to say that mum and dad love you very much but no longer love each other but that it’s not the same as living a child. That she still had a mum and dad who love her it’s just that dad will live somewhere else and see her lots.

Make sure she has regular time with him and you are consistent. Don’t give her the impression that he’ll be coming back if he won’t ! Children need love and consistency and they’ll get through

krkw Mon 02-Sep-19 19:28:03

It was him that told her that and that he was going to try come home. I think she was hitting me and spitting in my face because she thought I was to blame. The one good thing to come out of it is she hasn't hit or spat at me since and has stopped waking up crying and screaming. She seems her happy self again. I wouldn't have worded it like her dad but I think the truth was always best and the change in her is proof. I think she needs to see even we can make mistakes and show her the healthy way to deal with it.

OP’s posts: |
Spritesobright Wed 04-Sep-19 10:09:33

My 4 year old also lashed out at me when her Dad left. She would scream and try to hit me and demand to know when I was leaving too. It was awful.
I think at that age it's difficult for them to understand what's going on. My 7 year old took it much better because she understood that she would still see him and he still loves her.
Luckily he's had consistent contact with them since and it's even improved his relationship with them because I'm not ther to pick up the slack.
A year on they are both settled, happy, calm children who love seeing both parents (separately). It becomes the new normal.
I think the most important thing is to be honest with them (in child friendly terms) and maintain contact with both parents if possible.

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