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How do I go about separating when he is digging his heels in?? And I don't think I can afford it??

(4 Posts)
xcrazedndazedx Fri 30-Aug-19 20:50:48


I have a 2 year old and 4 year old with partner of 12 years. We have a mortgage together. Unmarried. No agreements or anything made when went into mortgage equally together 6 years ago but prior to that he owned a 1 bed house so essentially (in my mind) this house is more his than mine... not sure legally if it matters that he put more money in in the first place??

Basically living with him is hell. It's just getting worse and worse. He's nasty and a bully. I need for my own sanity to separate. He knows I want to but I think he's desparate to keep up appearances and is digging his heels in. I can't believe he actually cares for me anymore. He says I have to leave, he says he will not leave the house, he will not sell the house so that we can separate.

He works a 4.5 day week (inc. Sundays) with half a Tuesday off to be at home with kids while I work a half day, and he's at home on a Friday in order for me to work all day. My mum has the girls on half a Wednesday so I can work another half day. I basically work a 2 day week and rare weekends, but am lucky not to have to pay for childcare currently.

I was saving up 'get out' money but have just had to spend it all on a new car (in one way it's good news because I was driving a car that belonged to him and now this one will be my own).

So I now have no savings sad. Luckily our finances are pretty much separate. I earn about £1300 a month, I put £600 into a joint account for the mortgage and bills, which he then sorts out. If I left to rent anywhere then even a 1 bed studio flat round here is £600-700 pcm. I don't want to default on a mortgage so could just reduce my contribution to cover my half of the mortgage (about £370 a month)?

I will still have very little money and be stuck in a studio flat with two children.

How on earth am I going to leave when I can't afford to? Is there a way I can force a house sale? I'm totally screwed over by being the main caregiver for the children instead of being out at work, and can't justify childcare costs for 2 children. I just wish he would leave.

OP’s posts: |
AMAM8916 Fri 30-Aug-19 21:02:46

Yes you can force a sale or he will have to buy you out. Nothing was ring fenced when you bought the house so it's a total 50/50 split of the equity in this case.

I assume you will also be the main carer to the kids? So in this case, he can't even try and get a mesher order or anything and you're not married anyway so yes, sell or him buy you out is his only options.

You will be entitled to child maintenance and universal credit as well once you split/sell/move out. Do a calculator to get a rough idea. They will help you pay private rent (to a certain amount). However, when you get your share of the equity, buying would be the best option for you as your income is quite high for working part time and you'll have income from CM and benefits too but benefits would stop if you simply kept the money and didn't invest it in a family home.

You aren't married which is a blessing so you may be able to sort this out by simply using a solicitor to send him a letter to say you want the house sold or you to be bought out. You can also tell the mortgage company of your plans and they can advise

Fucket Fri 30-Aug-19 21:06:01

Do you think you can bear to wait until your youngest is eligible for free funding from the government, that would give you more opportunity to work more hours and also save up a bit more?

PicsInRed Sat 31-Aug-19 11:51:27

Are you named on the mortgage documents and on the deeds to the house?

If he's paying the mortgage, have you checked that the payments are up to date?

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