Hi,
just looking for a bit of advice... my first born will be 3 next month, me and her father split whilst I was pregnant. all through the pregnancy he was absent, forgot about appointments then pointed the finger at me saying it was my fault and that I hadn't told him about the appointments. (I had text messages to prove otherwise) then when our daughter was born I allowed him to be around as much as he wanted because I am all for doing the 'right thing' and fathers having a relationship with their children. However on a number of occasions (too many to keep track of) we would make arrangements for him to come and see her but he just wouldn't bother to turn up or would ring hours later blaming me and saying I was stopping him from seeing his daughter, even though the real reason was he would go out and put his friends, beer and the pub before the person that should be his number one priority. he would turn up stinking of booze and sometimes even drunk! That was all going on for a good year and half when he decided to take me to court for access (I was shocked by this as by this point he was actually having his daughter 3 days a week - when he could be bothered to anyway). in the mean time I had his mum at my door screaming and shouting at me telling me im pathetic and alsorts of names - she also barely bothers with my daughter.
He works away 3 weeks at a time, so he does 3 weeks on, 3 weeks off. Whilst away I tried to get him to facetime our daughter so she didn't forget who he was but a lot of the time I wouldn't even get a text message to ask how she was for the full 3 weeks.
so anyway off to mediation and court we go - he obviously lays it on thick with all of the sob stories making me out to be the bad one even though all I had ever done is try and get him to be more present in his daughters life but that's obviously what you get for being a decent person these days.
So it was ruled that our daughter first of all had to go on a weeks holiday abroad with him (she had never at this point stayed out overnight let alone get taken out of the country with someone who wasn't interested in how this would make his daughter feel, he was only bothered about 'winning' if that's would you'd call it?!)
After the holiday we had another court case regarding overnight and what days he could have her ect. It was ruled that he gets her 2 weeks spread out over the 3 weeks he is home.
This caused major distress for our daughter and still does. The states she gets in when her Dad comes for her is horrendous. I have tried to get him to bring her favourite toy from his house to try and help with the handovers asked him to make it fun for her. For a few days before she goes to her dads, me, my partner and the whole family try and make it sound as exciting as possible for her to go. but her dad wont try anything, when he comes to the door he will stand and just say things like 'I'm not having this every time' and 'its no skin off my nose' and 'unfortunately you have to come' now is that really the things to be saying to a 2 year old, let alone your daughter!!! he doesn't care how she is feeling its all about getting one over on me or in his case money. at first he only wanted one night a week until I took him to CSA all of a sudden he wanted as many as possible.
Anyway, sorry for the rant, I just wanted to try and give a bit of an insight into whats been happening.
So I suppose my question would be - if there is a court order in place but the child is getting really distraught as she doesn't want to do it - is there anything I can do?!
I know at 2 yo children don't know what they do and know want as such but when it is causing her this distress I don't know what I am supposed to do. I still want her to have a relationship with her father but I want the transition to be as nice as possible for her. and he is obviously not interested in making any effort to help the situation. the courts are supposed to do what in the childs best interest but Im struggling to see how they did that in this case?!
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Divorce/separation
2 yo daughter doesn't want to go with her Dad
4 replies
nats1910 · 27/08/2019 11:31
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