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Anyone else feel very alone even though there's support from family and friends?

(9 Posts)
ChangingStates Wed 21-Aug-19 07:38:24

Just that really and writing this just to share and offload.

Going through a really shit time with stbx who is using bullying tactics to try to get me to do what he wants. Having to make decisions about my and dc's future and finances. Have a small but completely amazing group of friends and siblings who are completely there for me, have my back and I can talk to anytime for support and advice, so am not lonely in that way.

But at the end of the day these decisions are mine and the responsibility for them, and impact of them, especially on my dc, sits only on me. The managing of the future and making things work financially is mine alone and the responsibility sits only with me. Despite the support I have I am sitting here feeling very alone in it all and wondered if others feel the same?

OP’s posts: |
cantbeatfreshsheets Sat 24-Aug-19 19:56:25

I'm the same. The decisions are very weighty
And despite my support network who will happily listen & advise. Ultimately the decisions are mine. When you're STBH makes you question things by gaslighting everything it makes it really hard. Still long toad ahead for me but as my mum says. You will have good & bad days. Today is a bad one 😓

boringornot Sat 24-Aug-19 20:46:56

I feel very lonely, but I moved to new country one year ago, so not that many friends around. I have great amazing friends elsewhere. They help a lot, but they can't help me with the practical stuff.
It's shit to feel so alone, but that's why I'm separating. At least then I will be proper alone, not flogging a dead horse (and carrying the dead weight of said horse on my back)

ChangingStates Sun 25-Aug-19 14:59:01

Thanks for replies!
Sorry you are both having a hard time too, and being in a new country must be tough! Absolutely agree that this kind of alone is way better than being in crap marriage/relationship. I am hoping only a few more months before things are as they will be and contact with / power games by ex will be as minimal as they will be until kids are grown.
Good luck to you both on your roads to happiness & freedom!

OP’s posts: |
HRMumness Tue 27-Aug-19 18:43:45

Yes, sometimes I feel the weight so much I can't carry it all.

I'm in the middle of relocating back to my home country from the UK where I will have lots of family nearby and a few old friends but I've been in the UK for a very long time and will have to say goodbye to everyone here. Worried I am making the wrong decision by leaving even though weighing it up I think the children will be much happier there in the long run when we relocate. If I've made the wrong decision, it will be impossible to undo it as family house is being sold and it's unlikely I will be able to afford to buy here on my own.

It feels like sometimes my life is now going to be hard no matter what I do without my STBXH but then I think he was a massive arsehole (he cheated) so really in some ways it will be harder but others it will be a lot easier.

Hedera Tue 27-Aug-19 19:18:12

I know this feeling too. Hugs to all.

My head feels like it will explode from the stress sometimes.

ChangingStates Tue 27-Aug-19 23:44:25

I imagine the whole relocation thing must be especially hard at a time like this @HRMumness. I do think that sometimes no decision is really wrong, or even particularly right- there's just the best you can do with the info to hand. Good luck to you, I am sure you will look back in a few years and see it was the best decision you could have made.

OP’s posts: |
Itsnotme123 Wed 28-Aug-19 05:01:56

I’ve found those women I’ve known who are do gooders, and post on Facebook about how important it is to be a listening ear, support those that are in trouble blah blah blah are the ones who left me when I need the friends the most.

I’ve cut out some friends as I don’t think they give a monkeys cuss about me, not just those mentioned but others too that just want to stick their nose in to see what divorce is all about.

People don’t really understand the problems, and it is all down to me to make it through. Besides death and house moving, it’s the third toughest life experience to go through.

My best friend is myself.

HRMumness Wed 28-Aug-19 09:54:04

@ChangingStates Thank you. I think that is right - that you make the best decision with the information at hand. I also tell myself it doesn’t have to be forever. I can come back and make it work somehow!

@Itsnotme123 totally agree on that front. I’ve been really surprised by those who have gone out of their way to help me.

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