Why I’m asking? If he is a narcissist I know, that even though I still love him, I must run.
If he is not and will contemplate a therapy, maybe our marriage still can be solved. We have a daughter and have a blended family of three other kids.
I will give some positive and negative examples of what he can do and how he can be.
Negatives:
- Can get verbally abusive and aggressive (shouting at the top of his voice) during the fight.
- Rarely admits mistakes
- Tends to majorly exaggerate good and bad things
- Likes to appear better than he is and pretends to know more than he does
- Likes to be a center of attention
- Constantly criticising that I don’t do anything, am lazy and only spend money. Here I’ll have to explain more. He generally hates people to sit down and relax, he himself can never just sit down, read a book or even watch a movie without getting up and doing other things in between. I am not going to explain, that as a mother of three, even if I don’t want to do things, there isn’t a day when I can just sit down and do nothing. So I’m definitely not lazy. As for money, the money I spend goes to groceries, day to day things, kids. Rarely I spend anything out of ordinary on myself. He, himself, spends very little.
- Has very sudden bad moods. Can go from high and normal to low without any reason.
- Has a drinking problem, which lately got much better though.
- Likes to interfere with my good intentions.
For example, puts a glass of wine in front of me when I said I’m doing a dry month. If a go on a diet, sulks and says that I don’t need it and makes pasta (my downfall).
10. Can be very short tempered around my kids.
Only one who is a perfect boy is his son, my SS. But that’s because he has a guilty father’s syndrome for leaving him.
11. Succumbs very easy to anything addictive. Sometimes I think if I weren’t there, he’d be a drunk, who smokes 2 packs a day.
12. The most awful thing he has done lately, during the fight he told me and my boys AND our three year old daughter to “get the fuck out of here”. It was 8pm. We were in the holiday home. I had no option but to leave not to traumatise the kids even more. It was 2 hour drive to the city house. This was actually the thing which made me start the divorce proceedings.
Good things:
- He can be a very hands on dad. But is not consistent. For example, he does some things when only he wants to do them.
- He doesn’t cheat. Know that for sure
- He is a good lover
- He is very family centered. Normally. Doesn’t go out to meet friends. Usually all free time either with me or with us and kids
- Is hardworking
- When I had a big fall out with my mother he did everything he could to make us good again
- After a few years he learned to listen to what I gave to say. For example taking drinking under control, quitting smoking.
- Helped a lot with my career. Helped to get me a job.
- Says he loves me. I’m pretty much sure he used to adore me. After he told me to get out, I’m not sure anymore (the argument was nasty, but I think I didn’t do anything to be told to leave our house, I didn’t cheat in any way, I wasn’t abusive to kids, I wasn’t drinking or behaving nastily).
Few additional things:
We, as a lot of people are under financial stress, but I think we are ok.
Kids had a long summer holiday and him working from home doesn’t help the workload.
We didn’t have a proper holiday in a while.
We spend a lot of time together (and I normally loved it, as I miss him terribly).
His parents came visiting for a week recently and it was tough on him.
His son is staying and he is a typical Disneyland dad.
I’m with my three kids are living separately now. He stayed with his son in the holiday home.
He left me with no money, tried to blackmail me and us completely irrational and angry.
Has no remorse at all. Thinks it’s mostly my fault. But asking us to gave a three months to work it out, living separately.
A lot of times I have a feeling that there are two people living in him. And that he needs serious psychological help.
Please help me.
I feel lost.
