Can men change?

[Keykeche]

My STBEXH has lately been horrible. After I left he became even more horrible (trying to blackmail me, threatening to cut out all the money, being aggressive).

I am starting to think he needs some mental help. Also, he had alcohol problems in the past, and I think he is on the binge now (haven’t seen him, but feel it in his voice).

Did anyone gave their H one more chance on a condition, that he starts psychotherapy and goes teetotal? And not living together until he is proven he really managed to change? Year or longer?

[Flower64]

Im my personal opinion people like this struggle to change. My ex was vile to his first partner when they separated (her choice). He was drinking a lot, and I was totally taken in by his tales of woe about how bad their relationship had been, how he'd been ostracised from his friends, how we had been prevented from seeing his child. Fast forward 8 years and I've just finalised my divorce from this monster who after 2 years together started to show his true colours again. Luckily he hasn't been able to destroy me financially which he tried to do post separation - because I work full time and have managed to hold on to my job along with whats left of my sanity

[Keykeche]

You are describing my H.

Thank you for your reply. I know you are right. And even if he goes through therapy, I’ll give it a few years and he will be back to the usual asshole self. Just I’ll be more destroyed emotionally.