I started posted here a year ago when my H of 20 years started behaving weirdly.
Over the course of the last year he has lied to me, deceived me, made me out to be crazy and paranoid and spent time away with a woman whilst pretending he was alone really thinking about our marriage.
He then wouldn't end it, wouldn't get his stuff out and wouldn't tell the DC he was leaving. He finally did that a few months ago.
He is now being seen out with the woman (who has split up with her long term partner) who he has spent the last year pretending is 'just a friend' and is still denying anything more. Until now, when they were seen in public clearly behaving like they are more than friends.
I have been an idiot, I've let him do this, but I wanted to save our marriage, I loved him, he told me he was unwell and didn't know what he was doing.
Now I know for sure and crazy as that sounds I needed that, I need to find some self esteem, pride and not feel old, ugly and unwanted as I do and move on, but I struggle to do that and I don't know why.
I'm usually very strong, I'm outgoing, friendly, I have a good career, good friends. But with this I just retreat to wallowing in self pity, it's gone on so long I think it's damaged me.
I've spent £100s on counselling, I fill my time when I don't have the dc meeting friends, doing things. I exercise. I've started volunteering. I've had hair, nails, beauty treatments to make me feel better.
nothing works.
How do I stop caring about him?
How do I stop thinking about him and her together which makes me feel sick. Sure that they will be happy while I am sad and lonely.
I don't want to be that sad bitter person but I have lost everything I cared about and now feel I have half a life only seeing my DC part of the time.
Can anyone give me some help as I need to make changes and move on,
I want to be happy, I want to like me again (I used to like me but he has now taken that away with his rewriting of history and blaming me for everything).
Please can someone give me a virtual kick up the backside and suggest how I can turn this round into a more positive life?
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Divorce/separation
Help with moving on after long marriage and being treated appallingly
14 replies
VivaVegas · 06/08/2019 10:04
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