Turmoil

[Lifepassingmeby]

Together 20 years, married 10. I'm 38, he's 39. 2 children aged 7&4.

I/we have been in a friendship instead of a marriage for years. We went counselling together and alone. Sex is non existant and had dwindled away even before the children.

I am the decision maker, arranger, money organiser, planner and everything a household needs to run. He does help around the house and is a good dad.

We are open and have discussed our issues for years. Always saying its get better when, our son received his Autism (high functioning) diagnosis and we got support. Well there isn't any. When his ADHD diagnosis was supported, when my youngest started school, when I finished my degree, when my husband's back was better....you get the idea!

A LOT has gone on and we have faced many challenges and still do daily. My husband now has an Autism diagnosis pending and has ADHD.
He has been off work months due to issues with his spine but is looking for a new full time job now. I start my new job (from my degree) in a few weeks.

He loves us and cares for us a lot. We don't kiss, hold hands, hug or ever touch it's gone a long time ago. The thought of him being sexual with me and kissing me makes me not feel right.

Yet I still struggle to think I'm not making a mistake. I worry about my children. We plan 50/50 custody.

I'm going crazy 🙁

[Lifepassingmeby]

To add, I've suffered to cope and have been in a better place the last 12 months now on medication. He still struggles daily but has recently started medication.

[perdigal]

It sounds very hard for you -
It's not clear are you wanting to split up? Is he? If you are desperately unhappy it sounds like it can be amicable and you
Could live close by to one another. Would 50/50 work well if he has current issues?
Maybe 50/50 could be the goal when he is back on his feet as I imagine it won't be great for your children if he's not well.

[perdigal]

Maybe you need some counselling to help you navigate the way forward ?