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Living with my ex(8 Posts)
Myself and ex partner decided to separate about 2 months ago. We have a 3 year old boy. We still live together in the house we jointly own.
I’m doing my absolute best at trying to find somewhere else to live, however we all know these things take time and in the meantime we are living under the same roof.
Ex is on dating apps, meeting other women, sleeping with other women, sits on the sofa next to me on his dating apps etc. And I’m finding it so hard to deal with. I know us seperating is the right thing (it was my decision) however I still have feelings and he’s hurting them. The thought of him with someone else obviously still makes me feel sick.
So question is...
How do I be a strong, independent woman and an amazing mum whilst coping with this going on right under my nose???
Please throw any and all advice my way. How can I distract myself? How can I rise above it? How can I stop myself being jealous? How can I be the best person I can be whilst he’s making me want to rip his head off? lol.
Jokes aside I am heartbroken and struggling and any advice would really help me right now. Xxx
Hi. I did this for 10/11 months. It is incredibly hard. I could hear my exh talking to his new flame on the phone late at night.. (thin walls) There is no magic answer I'm afraid. Just take 1 day at a time. Get out as much as you can. Try to implement a schedule for taking turns looking after your boy (although we never managed that!) use friends to sound off & be kind to yourself. some days will be hell - other days will be better and over time the hell days will become less frequent.
PS - take this time to get yourself educated. Seek financial advice, investigate benefits if that's relevant. Research local housing options and schools etc if you're having to move - all that stuff. Get legal advice. Start making plans for the "after"
I wrote a bucket list and put all sorts of things on it - some obtainable some total fantasy but write it down anyway as inspiration. I'm still making my way through my list!
I had a similar situation, we have 2 children. I made sure I spent time developing my social life- not in terms of dating- but going to friends houses, out to the pub, late night dancing etc- it felt good to get out the house myself and see other people and to start to have fun again. And although not the point of it, it also felt good that he could see my life was continuing without him.
@iamthrough that’s awful. It’s hard isn’t it. But I’m so glad to hear you found a way through it. I love the bucket list idea. Going to do that later - everything from mundane admin stuff to big plans for me and my little lad. Thank you xx
@ChangingStates thank you for the advice. Working on this - been in my new job for one month now and that’s given me some independence and new friends too which feels amazing
I am in this situation now, although he is the one that instigated the split. Neither of us are dating either, but anyway, we mostly sit in separate rooms, so one of us in lounge and one in the bedroom (separate bedrooms) of an evening. We don't argue but I don't want to see his face at the moment.
Can you do anything practical with furniture so that you are not going to be sitting in the same room. My situation was different - kicked out of my own home with a small suitcase he packed so I have no experience but if you could effectively turn your bedroom into a bedsit as an interim measure - get a kettle, TV and a microwave that you will need I'm the new place anyhow and stay out of the lounge more? May help a bit if you aren't seeing it......
Don't dit next to him on the couch.
He is deliberately tryingto hurt you because you hurt him (by instigating the break up)
Sit elsewhere. Even better: go to the fym? Meet up with friends? See a cool movie? Read a selfhelp book with kickass advice?
Also: you splitting up has nothing to do with your ability to "mum". You can still be a kick as mum! And you are. And you will be.
Kick some ass, kick as mum!
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