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Anyone newly separated?

(76 Posts)
bushes Mon 22-Jul-19 14:23:52

DH and I made the decision at the weekend that our relationship is not salvageable. We've tried for a very long time. Haven't told the DCs yet. This is for the best but it's fucking raw and horrible. I feel sick.

Anyone else in these early days and fancy a solidarity thread?

OP’s posts: |
Littlefluffycloudos Mon 22-Jul-19 20:54:00

Hello, I’m 3 weeks in. It’s hard isn’t it....

crocoonimper Mon 22-Jul-19 22:41:16

Hi I’m 2 months in , still living together, every day feels like a mountain... welcome and hugs xxx

Liz79 Mon 22-Jul-19 22:42:55

I'm about 26 hours in

crocoonimper Mon 22-Jul-19 22:44:25

@bushes
We told the kids 10 days ago- hardest thing ever but actually a little easier now as at least there is a reason for Mums emotional wreck state (I manage to hide it MOST of the time). How old are your DC? X

crocoonimper Mon 22-Jul-19 22:46:33

@liz79
Here if you need to rant/chat/whatever xx

Theworldcouldbemymollusc Mon 22-Jul-19 22:48:13

I’m 5 weeks on. It’s horrendous but starting to get a bit easier

charliiiii Mon 22-Jul-19 22:54:17

I'm 7 weeks in now, he's now interested and texting now I'm standing off. Finding it hard

crocoonimper Mon 22-Jul-19 23:01:24

Welcome charliiii and theworldcouldbemymollusc

Hope you are both hanging in there. I believe my H is having a midlife crisis after 25 years together, but hey ho he’s blown our family apart anyway ... whatever the situation it’s a painful place to be...

charliiiii Mon 22-Jul-19 23:06:57

@crocoonimper I'm so sorry to hear that. Are you coping okay within yourself at the moment?
I think it's the getting a new routine that is so hard and just trying to ignore the urge to ring up and tell him how much I love him and hate him for throwing away somebody who would do anything for him but hey ho.

One mans trash is another mans treasure and all that x

crocoonimper Mon 22-Jul-19 23:16:38

@charliiiii

Hanging in - we move in early Sep but until then in same house with him in the spare room.
You are obviously feeling similar to me in that it’s so hard to understand why they would throw away a future like that and yet if your OH anything like mine he can’t explain ? Just says he can’t help the way he feels ..

Emerald4512 Mon 22-Jul-19 23:25:55

Hi, I'm 16 weeks in and can completely empathise with everyone's pain. 6 days before STBEH told me out of the blue that he no longer loved me and walked out on me and our 6 month old DD, we had decided to start trying for another baby! It astounds me what men are capable of doing x

bushes Mon 22-Jul-19 23:47:36

Hi all...so sorry everyone is going through this shit.

I'm on the app so can't reply to people individually but just to say I hope this thread can provide a bit of support and hugs / gin / cake etc.

I'm dreading telling DCs. And my family.

Anyone else feel like they're living in a completely different reality?

OP’s posts: |
Grammarist Tue 23-Jul-19 00:17:22

Me. Three weeks since he told me he's been having an affair. Still living together and it's awful. I need him to get a move on and move out. DC's don't know yet. No clue how to handle that one sad

bushes Tue 23-Jul-19 06:21:29

God I really feel for those of you who are going through this as the result of an affair.

I have my suspicions that DH has someone else. I'm not sure I have the balls to ask as I don't want to hear the answer.

Those of you who have told your DC, can I ask how you did it? My youngest is too young to understand but my eldest is 7 and needs a sensitive but proper explanation. sad

OP’s posts: |
stucknoue Tue 23-Jul-19 07:03:34

4 months here though he is in the spare room and very little has changed.

Littlefluffycloudos Tue 23-Jul-19 07:10:17

Mine is in the spare room and will be for the foreseeable as it’s very hard in London to afford a second place and we can’t sell this for a year due to mortgage tie in.

Mine just ‘doesn’t love me anymore’ and apparently felt this way before we had a child. Nice

Mylifestartstoday Tue 23-Jul-19 07:56:16

Three weeks in after finding out about him living a double life for 18 months with a woman from work. He’s being a bastard, it’s all my fault apparently, had i made him happy he wouldn’t have looked elsewhere

Grammarist Tue 23-Jul-19 08:54:47

Common theme here. Apparently I've 'made him' that way too.
Didn't realise that me working hard, looking after our children and constantly trying to make life fun and include him in family activities was so awful... what a dick!

VivaVegas Tue 23-Jul-19 19:10:17

He told me out of the blue a year ago that he'd been thinking about whether we should split up. Messed me about until April this year so 3 months ago.
Similar story in that up until the above point he had never said he was unhappy about anything. We were still making plans, we got a dog on his insistence.
His reasons it's become to functional and isn't exciting any more.
Yep real life when you both work full time jobs and have DC is just that sometimes. Given I did everything and he did nothing i would say he was living a nice life, too nice.
He has been sniffing around a woman at work so I feel that his head has been turned by her as opposed to the above crock of shire I am being spun although much as I have suspicions I have no evidence and he is now living alone.
It's awful, worst time of my life, I've had counselling, offload constantly to good friends and have a very supportive network around me. His family have been and still are great, have told him he's making a huge mistake but he won't listen to anyone.
I am just struggling to accept and move on, I feel I've lost everything I cared about, hate not seeing the DC every day as he has them a few nights a week. I felt happy, content and comfortable being me before. I now feel old, ugly and unwanted and that I will never be happy again.
I need to stop thinking and caring about him and what is doing and who he is with but just can't.
And normally I am a very strong and determined person so all of this is alien to me.
You all have my sympathy it truly sucks ☹️

Yesbutno Tue 23-Jul-19 22:06:35

Mine moved out last weekend. He's at his mum's. He's very depressed due to various things, thinks we're better off without him and needs to be on his own for a while - sounds like another woman I know but I've not found any evidence and up to the point he left he was still loving and even clingy. Very odd!

Teen DCs feel angry on my behalf but not particularly bothered so far (they've been busy this week!) so we're rubbing along fine...I'm watching a lot of box sets so I don't have to think too much!

He's not contacted me apart from sending an invite to coffee next week! I accepted but not sure I want to go! Any advice?

bushes Tue 23-Jul-19 22:25:50

@Yesbutno Go! Hear what he has to say for himself.

I'm still plucking up the courage to ask H if there is someone else. My spidey senses have been going off for a while, but no evidence. hmm

OP’s posts: |
Yesbutno Tue 23-Jul-19 22:39:31

But I know if we meet we'll get on great and everything will feel fine and I'll just think grrrrr why is he doing this but don't want the convo to turn into that! Part of me also thinks why should I go along and be all smiley and happy?! It justifies his idea that I'm better off, but if I'm sad it justifies that he's right to not want to be with me! Probably haven't explained that well at all!

Why do you think he's got someone else bushes? Is this a permanent split?

crocoonimper Tue 23-Jul-19 23:38:24

Ooh I’ve just had a “roster” EMAILED to me regarding when the kids should be with me and when with him... not only is he taking his love and our life away but also trying to dictate what he wants when he’s gone. Bearing in mind we are still in the same house, I asked him (yes it was a bit sarky!) if I should email back if that’s how we talk now... he’s not best pleased

Imjustagirlwhobakes Wed 24-Jul-19 00:00:18

It's been 3 months for me since my husband left. I also feel he has been seeing someone else but he denies it and says they are just friends...

We'd been ttc for 2.5 years so the reality of loosing my husband and the hope of a family has been hard.

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