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Am I being totally stupid - financial settlement

(91 Posts)
Needsomeadviceplease01 Mon 08-Jul-19 16:25:12

My H and I are getting divorced after 3 years separation. We were married for 7 years and have 2 children now aged 9 and 10 (the eldest was born 2 months after we married).

My H owned the property I moved into outright. I contributed approximately £3,000 over the 7 year marriage for new carpets/furnishings and we both contributed to the bills etc during our marriage.

We are/were both low earners (he's a care worker, I'm a part-time waitress, once the DCs were at school).

I left because of his alcohol dependency.

The decree nici has come through but the judge is raising questions regarding the financial settlement. I have always said that I do not want any money from his house as this belonged to him before we were married and I made no financial contribution to the purchase of it.

He pays me £200 per month for the DCs and has always done this. Plus he pays for other extras and his family are generous with the children. In addition he has them every other w/e from friday to monday and whenever I go on holiday (I have a new partner) and from time to time when I ask (he is always happy to have the children).

If I tell the judge that I don't want any money from him/his house will this satisfy the position? The judge has also asked if I have a solicitor which I don't.

OP’s posts: |
Needsomeadviceplease01 Tue 09-Jul-19 11:25:51


Be grateful for any thoughts. Thank you.

OP’s posts: |
millymollymoomoo Tue 09-Jul-19 11:36:38

Morally and legally the positions are different. Morally it might be easy to see why you are at this position. Legally you have a claim irrespective of not financially contributing especially as there are children to house

What are your current housing needs and how are these being met? Are there any other assets at all you’ll receive?

I’ve no experience if this but I think without you demonstrating you had official legal advise a judge may not sign this off

PicsInRed Tue 09-Jul-19 11:36:50

With respect, yes, you are being totally stupid.

Get a good solicitor, get a settlement.

His and his family's good will could (and probably will) stop at any point, most likely once finances are finalised and you are out of options.

You have children to think of, so you need to get the best settlement you possibly can. This is it, the rest of your life (and that of your children) hinges on this point. He could marry, have more children, leave it all to the new wife and/or new kids. Get everything you can now.

One in the hand is infinitely better than two in the good will bush.

SpringerLink Tue 09-Jul-19 11:37:50

You need to get legal advice. You probably already know this. You can't rely on "generous" family, who might change their position in the future. Also, you need to be housed, and so do your children.

See a solicitor and get a financial order.

Needsomeadviceplease01 Tue 09-Jul-19 11:44:14

Thanks for your replies.

Currently I am living in rented accommodation with my new partner and the children (he has none).

As I contributed nothing to the purchase of the property will I still be entitled to a portion of it?

I will get a solicitor involved although I am not sure I can afford this.

OP’s posts: |
PicsInRed Tue 09-Jul-19 11:47:14

Tricky now, as you could be seen to be adequately rehoused already. You still should speak with a good solicitor to see what financial settlement they may be able to obtain for you.

MarieG10 Tue 09-Jul-19 14:08:00

@Needsomeadviceplease01 before you get excited, perhaps you should have a think about how much equity is in the house. I say this as once you end up starting with solicitors, even without a full blown legal contest your legal bills will be substantial. If he contests your legal bills could soar and what could happen if that any equity in the house is lost, he loses the house and all you have is a load of bad will etc

The other aspect if you lose the argument you gave a load of legal bills that you can't pay. You don't sound to be in a position to cope with this.

Perhaps get an idea of the equity minus legal bills to sell as well as other costs such as estates agents and see what a solicitor says...feee 30 minutes first appointment but be clear what your initial thoughts had been

MarieG10 Tue 09-Jul-19 14:09:31

@Needsomeadviceplease01 oh...and just to out context, some friends got divorced last year. Finances were done by agreement with some wrangling. £15k each spent so a total of £30k came from the capital

Palaver1 Wed 10-Jul-19 06:26:28

Do what sits well with you ..but I would as a judge question it as well
200 is not a lot but his not in a high paid job .
Make sure that your reasons are right the house might not be worth as much as we feel depending on where it is but do what sits well with you it’s great you all have a good relationship still.

Hoggytat Wed 10-Jul-19 06:37:10

You are entitled to half the property. It does not matter who bought it. You contributed to the marriage for 7 years and now you have to house your children and bring them up with only a £200 a month contribution from him.

Do you both have a pension? Put the of those together and divide by 2, that's your share too. Are there any other assets? Cars? Those are 50/50 too. So if he takes the only car you are entitled to half the cost from elsewhere to balance.

Go to a solicitor quickly. Once the absolute comes through you are not entitled to anything as you will be divorced.

A good solicitor will let you pay their cost in installmemts. Mine did.

Your solicitor can delay the absolute until a financial settlement is reached. Mine did this. Its not common but this is your future and your children's future. The judge is asking you because they can see you're getting a crap deal.

Move quickly before the absolute comes through.

Hoggytat Wed 10-Jul-19 06:41:15

You are also relying on the goodwill of your ex and his family. At any time this goodwill can stop.

Bollocksitshappenedagain Wed 10-Jul-19 06:44:35

The reason the judge may be concerned if you don't have a solicitor so they feel you may not have received proper advice.

I have a signed consent order which is waiting for the nisi to get signed off to submit and as my ex has declined a solicitor I am terrified I will get questions. I am however paying him equity from house so hoping it goes through.

I did most of it myself just for solicitor to check form e and write consent order as really did not want to lose loads of money to costs.

Bollocksitshappenedagain Wed 10-Jul-19 06:46:05


I thought if a consent order had not been done you could technically make a financial claim at any point regardless of the 'divorce' bit.

mummmy2017 Wed 10-Jul-19 06:50:53

Talk to you ex,. It would cost both of you £10k. In fees.
Ask him if he would be willing to put something in writing and maybe give you a cash settlement, to save any fees

RitatheBeater Wed 10-Jul-19 06:53:53

If the relationship with your new partner is not successful in the long term, are you going to be able to house and bring up your children on your wages and the £200?

If I were you I’d start working full time now. Your ex will have to share the school runs and child care.

millymollymoomoo Wed 10-Jul-19 07:40:38

You’re not entitled to 50%. As I say on here you’re entitled to a fair share - that could be deemed more or less than that depending on circumstances regardless of not contributing to it financially

I would get a view of how much equity is available, how much it may cost to fight for it and also importantly what it might do to the relationship with your Ex with whom it’s best you can move forward with a level of amicability fir the children’s sake. That’s not to say to accept nothing, but discuss with a solicitor a realistic outcome and decide from there.
You do need legal advice though

Hoggytat Wed 10-Jul-19 09:22:04

I'm not legally trained Bollocks. This was what I was told, and what I did, during my divorce.

Needsomeadviceplease01 Wed 10-Jul-19 11:02:30

The house is worth around £800,000 with no mortgage. But ultimately I feel uneasy about claiming half of that when I didn't contribute anything - literally nothing!

If I was to get half of it then he may request it is put in the children's names if this is possible? (he also has 2 other children from a previous marriage). I think he will want to protect the money in some way as I could marry again, have more children etc...

OP’s posts: |
Xenia Wed 10-Jul-19 11:40:44

You might be able to convince the judge. Even if the judge orders you to take say 60% of the £800k and the house be sold you can still make a gift back of that immediately to your husband. No one can force you to take money.

Disfordarkchocolate Wed 10-Jul-19 11:45:53

Bloom in heck, that's some pricy house. I don't think you should get 50% but I do think you should get something.

PicsInRed Wed 10-Jul-19 11:48:51

The house is worth around £800,000 with no mortgage.

Jesus wept, and £200/month CM. Get a solicitor, immediately and have them obtain a financial settlement. You could have a mortgage free house and permanent housing and financial security out of a financial settlement from such an amount.

But ultimately I feel uneasy about claiming half of that when I didn't contribute anything - literally nothing!

You made, grew, birthed and raised his children, kept house and looked after him. The law sees your construction as equal. You need to be compensated for the long term damage to your earning ability as a result of having those children and those children need to be provided for.

If I was to get half of it then he may request it is put in the children's names if this is possible?

He can ask for anything he wants. Wanting isn't getting. The courts makes a settlement on the party to the marriage. That's YOU. Don't let him restrict your ability to provide for your children (and your own retirement) by putting money outside of your name.

(he also has 2 other children from a previous marriage).

That matter has been settled. Focus on you and your own children, here.

I think he will want to protect the money in some way as I could marry again, have more children etc...

HE is more likely to have more children, diluting future support to your children. Some men also favour the children of thr present spouse, over those from a previous relationship. You need a good settlement to ensure your own children are taken care of.

In any event, you have a perfect right to marry again and to have further children. I would advise you speak with a solicitor beforehand, though, to find out how to protect.the assets of this divorce settlement from any future spouse (and consider whether legally marrying again would be wise, in terms of protecting your assets).

The Judge is trying to tell you something.
They've seen it all before and know what happens next.
Stop being a "nice" girl. Be a clever woman.

PicsInRed Wed 10-Jul-19 11:50:18

and the house be sold you can still make a gift back of that immediately to your husband

Don't gift any settlement back to your husband, FFS.

mummmy2017 Wed 10-Jul-19 15:40:41

Think about the life you want your children to live...
What if he gets nasty about money ..
Do you want mummy in a council flat and daddy in luxury, maybe handing it over to the next wife not your children..

3luckystars Wed 10-Jul-19 16:07:02

What about your children?
They are half his.

You need legal advice.

They can take the bill out of your settlement.

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