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Husband moved out today - I don't want to divorce

(11 Posts)
sess123 Sat 22-Jun-19 19:51:06

Hey; so husband of 6 years and together for 10 told me 3 weeks ago he doesnt want to be married anymore, he wants to live a new life, be happy and isn't in love with me anymore. We have one 4 yr old, and have been trying for another baby. I've had two back to back miscarriages. And the last one was February this year.

He's left today and rented whilst we are remaining in the family home and he has agreed to pay for the time being.

I am all over the place, mixed emotions sad & angry but today he's left I don't feel anything but Emptiness. Out of craziness I already joined a dating site but I know my head and heart are of course the wrong place.
Any advice on how things can be more positive, I've also had my first counselling session as there's so much going on in my head ATM! Xxx

OP’s posts: |
Perch Sat 22-Jun-19 19:53:17

I am so sorry this is happening to you and your family.
I can guarantee you he is having an affair.
Have you looked for one? X

NoBaggyPants Sat 22-Jun-19 20:01:00

I can guarantee you he is having an affair.

No, you can't. What a nasty comment to make to someone who is already struggling.

Prisonbreak Sat 22-Jun-19 20:02:33

People can be unhappy without being unfaithful.

lunaspring Sat 22-Jun-19 20:05:31

Oh you poor thing. I am so sorry this has happened. This sounds absolutely unthinkable.

Clearly, you deserve better than someone who has done this to you. Regardless of whether or not he has had an affair- to be honest, I agree that this sounds very likely.

I think the feeling of emptiness is normal. There is no script for how you could feel. It is probably part of a massive feeling of shock and numbness.

Some initial thoughts:
-Take it one day (even one hour!) at a time. Is there anything at all, even the smallest enjoyable thing, you can do with your little girl tomorrow- to give you some vague sense of normality amidst all of this.
-Do you have anyone in real life who can help you with practical tasks? Take people up on their offers to help- give them practical things to do. Looking after your little girl for an hour or two so you have some time to yourself, to go to counselling etc.
-Make an appointment with a solicitor as soon as you can- to ascertain your rights, even if you don't want to divorce.

This is the worst bit. When you have the shock of him leaving, without an explanation, or knowing how things will get better from here- they will.

Walnutwhipster Sat 22-Jun-19 20:06:46

Why is mumsnet convinced that all men who leave are having an affair?

Palaver1 Sun 23-Jun-19 07:45:08

People use their experiences to determine unfortunately which isn’t right
I hope you have some form of support ,it’s horrible when one doesn’t see it coming.
All the best you’ll bounce back in time

Spritesobright Mon 24-Jun-19 12:45:14

Sess I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've been there myself a year ago and remember the pain acutely.

It's not surprising that you felt "emptiness" when he left. You're in shock and your emotions will be all over the place. Google the grief cycle as separation like this is a form of bereavement and you will be going through all the stages (and then back again because it's cyclical).
Great that you're seeing a counsellor. My best advice is:
1) try to take care of yourself - eat if you can and ask your doctor for sleeping pills if you're not sleeping
2) tell people and gather support - they will want to help
3) try to have as little contact with him as possible - he has already emotionally detached and now you need to as well. If you feel like crying or yelling at him, write it down or speak to someone else. He is not your 'go to' person anymore.
4) Get an initial (often free) consultation with a solicitor and protect your assets (if you have a joint account, take out half)
5) Believe in yourself. You will get through this and come out a stronger, more resilient person.
6) Chocolate

Fth180519 Sun 07-Jul-19 10:32:47


So sorry you and your DC are going through this. Any updates on your situation? I hope things are getting easier for you and that counselling are helping.

My husband (together 6 years, married 6 weeks) left earlier this week. We have a 2 year old son and I am devestated. We've spoke and he told me he'd been unhappy for years. I've massively struggled with my mental health and leaned incredibly on him with has caused arguments and resentment. I had been so focused on my own issues and adament I didn't need help that I pushed him away. I'm angry, upset and gutted about the prospect of raising our son and living as a single parent - (he is still wanting to be involved in his sons life).

I'm trying to give him space and have made steps towards counselling as well as trying to push myself out of my comfort zone to try and shift my focus, but it's so hard. Its like grieving. I also live in hope at a reconciliation at some point, which I know I shouldn't pin any hope on.

madcatladyforever Sun 07-Jul-19 10:37:14

That's awful OP. My husband did the same three years ago. At first I was devastated but then looking back with clear eyes realised it should have ended years ago or even better never started.
You don't need a man who doesn't love you. Being alone is much better.
It doesn't seem that way now but I promise things will get better.

LifeContinues Mon 08-Jul-19 05:09:42

Why is mumsnet convinced that all men who leave are having an affair?

Because the myth that adultery entitles ex wives to larger financial settlements still exists.

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