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Divorce- unreasonable behaviour

(21 Posts)
Em8098 Fri 21-Jun-19 20:40:21

Hi all,
Looking for some advice if anyone possibly Help..
Ex is trying to divorce me under unreasonable behaviour (when not true) does he have to prove this? If I don’t agree, can he get the divorce without my agreement? Or will he need to wait for 2 years after marriage to divorce me with my agreement with no fault?
Thanks so much for any help

OP’s posts: |
SelenaMeyer2018 Fri 21-Jun-19 23:32:30

Following with much interest!

MrsBailey2019 Fri 21-Jun-19 23:43:20

This may help. It’s from 2016 but it’s pretty much still needs to be proven. It’s not the easiest option to choose when divorcing.

Em8098 Sat 22-Jun-19 06:35:29

Thanks for your help, from what I have read it says, it doesn’t have to be proven, just that the judge will agree the marriage has ‘broken down’ if one party believes it has.
I’m still just as confused, surely it can’t be that easy, after the hoops you jump through to get married, the only issue in our marriage was that one day he just walked out..
does anyone know of anyone who has been through anything similar?
I am looking for him to wait until the 2 year separation rule with my agreement or 5 year without, just purely because nothing happened and I think we should try to make our relationship work, counselling etc.
Thanks so much for any help

OP’s posts: |
Happinessbegins Sat 22-Jun-19 06:50:24

Do you know what he is citing as examples of unreasonable behaviour? My exh was mad at some of the examples I gave and he wanted to contest the divorce. It was all true of course, just a different perspective from his. He was advised against contesting which is apparently very rare.

Em8098 Sat 22-Jun-19 07:05:26

Some are, reckless with money which is completely untrue (he was the one that went bankrupt, left his job with no warning, gambled etc)
Unsupportive again untrue, I stupidly supported him through everything and he basically just had a ‘breakdown’ one day and left because he couldn’t cope with family life and his mum was pressuring him (long story)
I just thought he should have to wait the 2 years because nothing happened but it seems he can just make stuff up and I’ve got to go with it ☹️

OP’s posts: |
Lonecatwithkitten Sat 22-Jun-19 07:19:52

The only people who see the reasons for the divorce are the two of you, your solicitors and the court. 'Blame' in the divorce does not affect financial settlement that is done by needs.
What you have to ask yourself is do you want to remain married for two years to a man who does not want to be married to you.

ColaFreezePop Sat 22-Jun-19 07:21:06

The generic advice is to state the allegations are not true but you will not contest the divorce. The judge should then let the divorce proceed.

I suggest you do this as while you are still married to him if you have any joint assets he can run up debts against them. If you come into any money e.g. inheritance, lottery win while still married he can make a claim for some of it and if you have been married a long time/he's not a much higher earner his claim could succeed.

You should strike an agreement with him over legal bills so that he pays for them if you allow the divorce to proceed.

Just to warn you the new divorce bill will be pushed through parliament later this year, so you may not have the option of waiting for 2 years or 5 years.

ChangingStates Sat 22-Jun-19 07:25:24

Have just signed the divorce petition sent by my husband. I had to go online to register my response- I had three choices to choose from which were basically-

- don't contest
- don't contest but don't agree with what he stated as the unreasonable behaviour
- contest

Options 1 & 2 result in the same thing- picking 2, according to the gov website, does not delay divorce or cost any extra, it appears it just records you want the divorce bit don't agree with the reasons. I picked that option. Decree nisi any day now...

chuttypicks Sat 22-Jun-19 10:04:29

If he doesn't want to be married to you anymore then is there any harm in just letting it go through? Why would you want to fight for something when he's treated you so shabbily, has risked your financial security and left you in the lurch? If you can refute that you've done anything wrong while still allowing the divorce to go ahead then surely that's the best thing all round?

Tolleshunt Sat 22-Jun-19 10:08:51

It sounds a bit like you want ‘justice’ from him, or even revenge, but slowing it down by contesting won’t get you anywhere but a bigger legal bill, and greater risk, by the sound of it. Infuriating though it is, I would go for the option of saying you don’t agree with it, but will not contest.

Em8098 Sat 22-Jun-19 12:50:34

Thanks, that’s basically wHat I wanted to know, is it a case of me simply saying no I don’t agree so it has to wait the 2 years or can he just go ahead regardless, so it seems he can go ahead regardless.
Without going into to much detail, there is a lot behind it, including depression amongst other factors so I suppose I am looking to delay things but due to him more so than me.
Maybe I’m alone here but I’m just confused about how it seems so easy, when it should be tried to work on to understand fully.
old fashioned maybe!

OP’s posts: |
pikapikachu Sat 22-Jun-19 13:58:16

You not agreeing prolongs the process and adds costs.
Nobody apart from the two of you will know the specific reasons (it's not public record or anything like that) so the easiest thing to do is to plough ahead. It won't affect your financial settlement or child contact.

ColaFreezePop Sat 22-Jun-19 15:00:40

OP you don't seen to understand you can't control another person so if they feel their marriage with you has broken down you need to accept it.

If you are bitter wish to get "justice" then you can screw around with the financial process and then when you are finally divorced, contact over the children. In all this the only winners are your lawyers.

pikapikachu Sat 22-Jun-19 18:50:46

If he upped and left suddenly then he started emotionally detaching from you months/years before leaving. He is not interested in working on things

SelenaMeyer2018 Sun 23-Jun-19 07:53:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Frankola Wed 26-Jun-19 21:28:40

Unreasonable behaviour doesn't need proof as it's one person's perception.

You may not believe you have behaved unreasonably, but your stbxh does.

A judge cannot force someone to stay married who doesn't want to.

That being said, I hope you can convince your husband to try counselling before he gives up on his marriage.

Newmumma83 Wed 26-Jun-19 21:31:55

It takes two to work on a marriage.... if your husband doesn’t want to you may have little choice in the end.

Sorry op x x

ValleysGirl72 Sat 06-Jul-19 16:47:06

Personally I would agree to the divorce but don't contest it, it's not worth the hassle.

LifeContinues Sun 07-Jul-19 06:49:34

In all this the only winners are your lawyers

As my Ex learnt the hard way. Legal costs over 3 years topped over £70K. Money they could have had in their own pocket.

Birdie6 Sun 07-Jul-19 07:02:43

surely it can’t be that easy, after the hoops you jump through to get married

I am not aware of having to jump through any hoops to get married. Surely for most people it's very easy.

In your case, I'd say that if your husband doesn't want to be married any more there isn't anything to be gained by fighting it, insisting on counselling etc. If one person in a marriage wants to end it, there is no point in hanging on . For your own sake you'd be better off to get out of it and start living your own life instead of trying to flog a dead horse.

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