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Fathers Access Rights Advice

(42 Posts)
ShiningStar1990 Wed 05-Jun-19 10:28:35

Hi all,

Need some advice from any fathers or anyone really who have or are going through being denied access to your child after a separation.
My partner and his ex separated at the beginning of this year. She was abusive, was not a nice person so he left. Me and him met a few months later and we are now together, his ex has hit the roof and has been nothing but a pain in the
a$$ since we got together. She believed he would always go back and now he has moved on she is not happy. Anyway they have a 3 year old daughter together and she has 3 children from a previous marriage.

So at the start he would see his daughter once a week and also take her 3 children out at the same time for tea. After a couple of weeks she stopped him seeing their daughter until she was over them breaking up, then a week later she changed her mind and agreed to let him see her and they agreed he would have her every other weekend. He pays her maintenance monthly without fail. She has always been the one to lay down the rules and has done everything in her power to try and cause issues in his life hoping it will affect us. She has said as long as he keeps paying maintenance everything will be fine....

Well this hasn't been the case and now she has decided again that he isn't allowed to see his daughter. She has taken her on holiday for a week to Turkey and is due back today. He hasn't seen his daughter for 2 weeks and only got to see her for an hour under the condition he takes her 3 children out with him as well. Prior to this he last spent quality time with her on Easter weekend.

If he contacts her about access she tells him how it is, shouts and screams at him and she blocks his number and he has no way of contacting her. He is at breaking point as he has done everything he can to try and deal with it outside of solicitors and courts as with how expensive it is.

Does anyone have any advice please? We are st a loose end of what to do.
A father has just as much right to their child as a mother.

OP’s posts: |
NotBeingRobbed Wed 05-Jun-19 10:39:51

Maybe don’t take up with the father of a three-year-old and wonder why his ex is angry at you. Its’s June. The split in January. And you met “a few months later”. It sounds to me like you’ve been together longer than that.

HappyHedgehog247 Wed 05-Jun-19 10:41:52

Mediation and written contact rather than texts or calls so both parties have time to reflect. Neither fathers or mothers have ‘rights’, but children have rights xx

ShiningStar1990 Wed 05-Jun-19 10:57:35

Yes I expect me being involved with him upsets her but it doesn't give her the right to stop him seeing his daughter. As a father and person he has done nothing wrong.
When you mistreat someone this is what happens, the persons leaves and meets someone who appreciates them. From your message you're clearly bored or one of those bitter people.
Your opinion only relationship isn't what I asked for, therefore, would respect you gave helpful advice and not irrelevant advice.

OP’s posts: |
ShiningStar1990 Wed 05-Jun-19 10:59:27

Thank you, I will suggest mediation.
She is quite clued up as she done the same to her ex husband, he spent months fighting to see his kids when she abused him in their relationship. Eventually once she realised he didn't want to be with her anymore and she met someone new she gave in and gave him access.

OP’s posts: |
RB68 Wed 05-Jun-19 11:00:58

He needs things on a formal footing so he should go and get sorted with a court order. Would he like significantly more contact? 50 50 could be an option as that is the starting point these days - is he prepared for that commitment?

I have to say if she was abusive and he is on the birth certificate I am suprised he didnt take her with him

ShiningStar1990 Wed 05-Jun-19 11:05:35

He has requested every Tuesday and every other weekend from Friday to Sunday. This worked well at first for 2 weekends then unfortunately she stopped it.

I have suggested court and he has said to her he will take solicitors advice and she has laughed at him and told him to go ahead.

She was abusive towards him only and not the child or children. In all fairness she is a good mother to them.

OP’s posts: |
SelenaMeyer2018 Wed 05-Jun-19 13:27:23

Seriously? It’s only been six months!

If he is saying he will go to a solicitor then why isn’t he? Is it a form of bullying to get her to give into him?

I also split with my husband at the start of this year and we used relate to mediate about contact arrangements.

However I am assuming that your boyfriend has his own place where the daughter can stay and that at this early stage of the break-up of his marriage and you are keeping a distance from his child so that she has the space to adjust to her new life, before meeting her dads new girlfriend?

ILoveMaxiBondi Wed 05-Jun-19 13:30:42

Flipping hell. I’d stand well back in your shoes (are you already living with him?) you’ve been dating a man a couple of months and already you’re caught up and trying to sort out his contact with his children!

Step back!

Zampa Wed 05-Jun-19 13:34:43

In the family courts, the father's behaviour is irrelevant when it comes to contact (unless abusive).

OP - your DP will need to get meditation forms signed off before you can progress to court but meditation doesn't need to have taken place (if, for example, his ex refuses to attend). He can self-represent to save costs but I would recommend getting some legal advice on the paperwork and strategy.

Manclife1 Wed 05-Jun-19 13:40:21

If his name is on the birth certificate he’s just as much right for access as mother does. So much so that there’s nothing stopping him not returning his daughter next time he has her and making HER do all the fighting for custody. If she is as abusive as you say it may well even be in the child’s best interest. Failing that it be starting the court process ASAP as she’s using the access as leverage for control.

TheKrakening3 Wed 05-Jun-19 13:42:09

I have watched so many women run around like headless chooks trying to sort out their new partner’s child custody issues. On average it seems to take them two to three years to realise he is a deadbeat dad and never had any intentions of stepping up. Saying the ex is a big abusive meanie is so much easier than admitting to not wanting to bother to fight for his children. Don’t be one of these women.

ShiningStar1990 Wed 05-Jun-19 13:52:04

Well for all you asking I am only asking for advice on here for him as he doesn't have an account and I do. He is doing all the work, i am sitting back and giving him support when needed, and when I say support I mean a shoulder and someone to talk to. A partner and a friend I am supporting him, that doesn't mean I am getting involved so keep your bitter assumption to yourself. Instead of firing your irrelevant comments at me maybe you should do what is requested and provide advice on how this man can go about getting access to his child. No we dont live together not that it is your business. I have my own child to concentrate on.

He is doing what he can to see his daughter so please dont assume he isn't.

Thank you to the rest of you for your advice, its been helpful

As for the rest of you, I hope you have a shit day.

OP’s posts: |
ILoveMaxiBondi Wed 05-Jun-19 13:56:06

Yeah yeah, you’re just like all the rest we’ve seen here over the years. You’ll learn. Probably too late.

NorthernSpirit Wed 05-Jun-19 14:01:04

Ignore all the posters judging you. It’s irrelevant.

Your OH needs to get a court ordered contact order. He can represent himself and it costs £215. He needs to get the C100 form & pay the fee. The sooner he gets the ball rolling the better.

Judges are very pro contact and the mother doesn’t get to control or dictate. The father has as much say in matters as her.

Here’s more information

www.familycourtinfo.org.uk/i-need/how-court-works/flowchart-for-child-arrangements-cases/

Good luck.

ILoveMaxiBondi Wed 05-Jun-19 14:02:56

He can also find all ^this out himself. He can use the phone and internet I presume? Why are you doing it?

Manclife1 Wed 05-Jun-19 14:49:24

@ILoveMaxiBondi perhaps if you read the thread you’d know!

TheOutsideratnumber23 Wed 05-Jun-19 14:51:13

There’s so many bitter ex wives on here who think life should stop for a man as soon as a couple split and god help any woman getting involved with a dad unless at least 20 years has passed!

NotBeingRobbed Wed 05-Jun-19 15:10:13

Has he had his fingers amputated? He can find this out for himself. But out of his family.

RavenLG Wed 05-Jun-19 15:24:59

Instead of firing your irrelevant comments at me maybe you should do what is requested and provide advice on how this man can go about getting access to his child

He should go and pay for proper legal advise and go through the courts if he is actually that concerned. You should keep your neb out of it and stop being a twat to people who are trying to glean all the information to try and help.

Manclife1 Wed 05-Jun-19 15:31:25

There’s so many bitter ex wives on here who think life should stop for a man as soon as a couple split

This

ShiningStar1990 Wed 05-Jun-19 15:32:21

I feel sorry for any person in your lives who need support and you tell them to do it themselves or don't support them.

You have no idea of his history or how not seeing his child is effecting him, emotionally and mentally so if I can do anything to help by just obtaining some advice I dont think that is such a bad thing.

As a mother myself of a 2 year old I never ever stopped her father from seeing her. The bond of a parent and a child is so important.

I will do what I can to support someone at their time of need and I think none of you have a right to give your opinion on something you know bare minimal about.

OP’s posts: |
NotBeingRobbed Wed 05-Jun-19 15:40:05

This is a discussion board not a free legal service. If he needs advice he should pay for it. See if he does. It will give some indication of how much he cares.

OurChristmasMiracle Wed 05-Jun-19 15:47:45

Honestly it is not your place to arrange or assist wirh your partners contact with his daughter. That is his role as a parent. All you can do is to support him. You’ve been together a very short amount of time so honestly I would leave it down to him. Either he will sort it himself or he won’t bother- that is down to him.

ILoveMaxiBondi Wed 05-Jun-19 15:49:55

perhaps if you read the thread you’d know!

No there is nothing at all to explain why this man isn’t finding out How to proceed by himself. One call to a solicitor will have told him the process. He told husband ex he will take a solicitors advice so he knows that’s an option- but clearly hasn’t done it. Why not?

We are st a loose end of what to do.

Thank you, I will suggest mediation.

I have suggested court

He is doing all the work he clearly isn’t OP or you wouldn’t need to be suggesting anything. Like I said, one chat with a solicitor will have filled him in on what he needs to do. Solicitors don’t hide this information, it’s in their interests to provide it because they get to charge for it and get the ball rolling on the rest of the process.

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