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Partner refusing to sell or move out

(16 Posts)
Arianna2 Tue 04-Jun-19 09:11:24

I’ve been with my partner 14 years with 3 children 1, 3 and 5 We aren’t in love anymore, have been in separate rooms for months but he is refusing to make any physical changes to separate. He doesn’t do anything with the kids anymore I do all the main caring. Most of the equity in the house was put in by him so he doesn’t want sell as he is worried I will take half but also he won’t move out as feels what he has put in he shouldn’t have to pay rent somewhere. I totally understand this but mentally I can’t continue to live like this. I’ve tried to keep it normal for the children but I need to move on. Can I force him to sell? I don’t want to take him for every penny just enough for a home for me and the children. I do work part time so not a high earner but we agreed after birth of second child I would drop to PT so I was home with kids. I’m waiting for a solicitor to get back to me but has anyone had similar experience? He is very stubborn hard faced and I don’t think he is going to budge on this

OP’s posts: |
Areyousorted12 Tue 04-Jun-19 09:23:15

Who owns the house?

Arianna2 Tue 04-Jun-19 09:36:01

It’s in joint names I’ve put less money into it being the lesser earner but technically I own 50 percent. He owned a house before we met and put the profits from that into it.

OP’s posts: |
Windygate Tue 04-Jun-19 09:58:22

Could you get the house valued, then deduct his initial deposit and split the 'profit' 50/50. Armed with that information perhaps he would be in a position to buy you out.
What are the plans for child access?

Arianna2 Tue 04-Jun-19 10:18:45

He is threatening to go 5050 on custody even though I do everything now and took a step down in my career to go part time to be with them. There is about 200k equity in the house of which he has put in about 140k. I’ve always gone half on the mortgage and I don’t want to take him for everything but I feel I’m justified to take enough to get a house for me and the kids and I would get my own mortgage. He doesn’t even seem to want to discuss it just adamant he isn’t going to sell which is why I’m now
considering a legal route. I don’t think he wants to be with me just doesn’t want to leave the house and not be with the kids everyday which is odd since he doesn’t even come on the
Holidays or days out anymore

OP’s posts: |
BogglesGoggles Tue 04-Jun-19 10:26:40

You can force a sale of the house because you own it as well but you will need a court order. Alternatively he may buy you out. You will be entitled to 50% unless he can prove that the intention was to have unequal shares at the time of purchase. The significantly larger deposit combined with being unmarried is a good starting point for proving that intention. But obviously you may have evidence of your own to theeffect that you intended to share equally. If he does manage to prove that he intended to share unequally then, unless you have some agreement but it doesn’t seem like it, he will most likely be entitled to a share that is proportional to his contribution.

Arianna2 Tue 04-Jun-19 11:42:50

When we purchased the house I remember signing an agreement with solicitor that on sale we would obtain 50 percent each. It was a couple of years later that he paid a big chunk off the mortgage after his house sold. Initially our contribution to the deposit was similar

OP’s posts: |
smallereveryday Tue 04-Jun-19 18:24:01

I an presuming you aren't married. You need a lawyer and they need to look at schedule 1 of the children's act. Obligation to house your children.

LemonTT Tue 04-Jun-19 21:09:19

The agreement to split 50/50 is relevant but written before he put a bigger investment into the home. He will have a good case to take out his investment and then split the equity.

See a solicitor. Then assess if you are going to be able to stay in the house either way. If you can't afford the mortgage with the bigger share then it might be better if he buys you out. It will save you money on sales fees etc.

He will be advised to stay put so you will have to deal with that one way or the other.

Sorry to hear that you're going through this - a split is always hard. It seems most reasonable that your partner should get back the very large sum of money that he put into the property, and then you split the balance 50/50. That is most likely what a court would conclude. You have the option of seeing a solicitor and fighting for more, but don't expect him to roll over because it would be pretty unfair for you to walk off with the money he had built up in a property before you were together. It'll be your children who suffer the most if that equity vanishes in legal fees. You can, however, force him to sell without much cost, since you jointly own the property.

Please try not to view his desire for 50/50 custody as a "threat". You clearly believe you should have the kids more than half the time - is that also a "threat"? Or is it a loving parent who wants to maintain a close relationship with their kids despite the parental separation? When looking at residency arrangements, try to set your feelings aside, and look at what is best for the kids - which may or may not be 50/50, depending on a whole range of factors including the practical things necessary to commit to 50% residency (availability / work flexibility etc).

Otter71 Wed 05-Jun-19 06:24:58

I put in a bigger share to the house because I had a place before I met the exh and at that point he lived in a rented room.
I was nevertheless told that didn't count for anything after a 20 year marriage by several solicitors... Obviously not sure whether I have been done or there are big differences in our circumstances.

Itsallchange Wed 05-Jun-19 07:15:24

@otter71 I think the difference is in you were married, I believe and this is very basic knowledge that when you split if you have been married a long time that everything then goes to 50/50 as a starting point unless it was written somewhere that this would not be the case (I’m thinking pre-nup)

Arianna2 Wed 05-Jun-19 07:40:03

I suppose I feel the amount of years I’ve put into raising our children mostly singlehandedly since the baby was born and the fact I’ve always helped pay the bills and helped furnish the house I deserve to at least come away with a deposit for a house. He agreed he didn’t want the children in full time nursery which is why I went part time in the first place and I don’t think its fair I come away with next to nothing. All I want is to move on and have a house for me and the kids. Is there nothing to be said for me running the house and raising the children on top of working part time? I wouldn’t have an issue with 5050 custody of he’d been more involved but he forced me into being more or less the sole carer and now wants to take them off me half the week. It feels like he’s saying it more to scare me rather than because he really wants them

OP’s posts: |
PicsInRed Wed 05-Jun-19 09:10:12

50/50 is a starting point from which you can obtain a greater share based on need.

The sahm or d does get credit for their contribution in financial proceedings.

You will need a very good solicitor to get you a good deal. Don't fall over yourself trying to be "reasonsble" as you need to keep in mind that he will have a much better opportunity to financially recover from the relationship breakdown than you do - even if he does take the kids 50% and actually do 50% of the offline parenting work (which is highly unlikely). You both agreed that you would stay home, the entire risk and detriment of that should not fall on your shoulders.

LittleAndOften Wed 05-Jun-19 10:16:48

Are you married? If not then you just own whatever percentage you signed up for when you bought the house (which sounds like half based on what you've said). Everything else is going to be incredibly difficult so do what pp above said and find a damn good solicitor as your rights are v limited when you're not married.

NorthEndGal Wed 05-Jun-19 10:20:48

You really, really need to speak to a solicitor

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