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Mediation nightmare, can't cope with this.

(13 Posts)
fedup23 Thu 30-May-19 23:05:01

Going through awful split with partner of 15 yrs. Have suffered years of financial abuse and what I now realise is narcissistic abuse. We have 3 DCs- 13, 11 and 5yrs. Had first mediation meeting today which did not go well. The house is in my name (thank god) and I put the deposit in. We've only been on interest only and we bought at peak so house hasn't gone up. To make matters worse house is unsellable anyway (not that I intend to sell any time soon) as there is subsidence. Incredibly he is saying he should half the equity in the house despite the fact that for over 10 yrs the majority of outgoings were paid by my part time wage and tax credits. He's self employed handyman/ builder and tbh has always been shifty about what he earns. Went nuts couple of years ago over money and demanded we set up joint account into which we both put in money, tax credits go in and mortgage, bills, kids stuff etc go out of. Off the back of this he suddenly made effort to get more work and yet expected me to put in same amount despite fact was just working 15 hrs. Have gone up to 27 hrs since youngest started school last Sep. He is now working 40 odd and earning double what I am. His mum will buy him somewhere and I will be left with a property with loads of problems and yet he still wants to shaft me. Anyone else had experience of this/ pearls of wisdom?

OP’s posts: |
Otter71 Fri 31-May-19 06:21:29

How much equity is actually in your place? You say not much so half of nothing is still nothing...
Do either of you have other assets eg pension?
I take it you have evidence of all the mismatched finances?
See a good solicitor would have to be the way forward methinks...

stucknoue Fri 31-May-19 06:32:01

For longer marriages unless you had documents drawn up, the amount of deposit and relative earnings aren't relevant, it's your ability to earn and essential costs now that matter.

OhioOhioOhio Fri 31-May-19 06:46:21

Yes. Similar situation. Its a nightmare. You need a solicitor.

sucresugar Fri 31-May-19 07:19:48

Married? If so he's probably entitled to half as are you.

fedup23 Fri 31-May-19 07:31:27

Have booked valuation for the house on Monday. Am expecting it still to be price we bought it - 180,000 so equity roughly of 45,000 which was the deposit. He convinced me at the time to re mortgage my other property to do this and put the rest on a credit card and yes I can evidence this. He decorated the house when we got it and new kitchen and bathroom got put in. He's making out he put about £40,000 into the property! This is crap. I've had 1 session with a solicitor but not received letter yet which I need as tbh struggled to take in e everything she said. Basically the TOLATA law comes into play and she said I have both legal and beneficiary interest in the house. He doesn't have legal interest and debatable if he has beneficiary interest. She said his solicitor would go down that route with him. She said I could take legal possession of the house and get letter giving home notice to move out. I really hadn't wanted it to like this but he is clearly dragging his heels.

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fedup23 Fri 31-May-19 07:32:24

Forgot to say we're not married which goes in my favour.

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millymollymoomoo Fri 31-May-19 07:51:04

If you’re not married and the house is in your name only then it’s yours. Why are you bothering with mediation. If he wants to claim a beneficial interest he will need to prove with accurate bank records etc what he has paid
This is not the same as a marriage trying to separate shared assets. The house is yours

Isatis Fri 31-May-19 07:58:37

If the house isn't sellable it's worth nothing, or at most the normal sale price less the cost of sorting out the subsidence and a further discount for the inconvenience involved.

Separate issue, but would your building insurance pay for dealing with the subsidence issue?

fedup23 Fri 31-May-19 23:01:44

Have entered into mediation as will have to sort childcare as well and thought best to discuss property first. He had recently said I should sign the house over to him and his mum would buy me out! I'd really hoped (foolish I know) that with the facts and figures presented he would see what to me is blatantly obviously mine.

Re the subsidence, the insurance company initially refused to acknowledge that it was that. Had to pay someone to do survey which we then sent to them. They're now agreeing that it is subsidence but don't know the cause. Currently waiting on tree root specialist or something. So no actual confirmation yet that we're covered. Things are just awful now. Am just going to bed as soon as dcs go to bed as cannot bear to be around him.

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MintyT Sat 01-Jun-19 05:41:26

Re the subsidence - if you have buildings cover you will have cover for a sub claim the excess is normally £1000.00. The current insurance company have to cover you for the next 5 yrs at a reasonable cost. Catching subsidence early is a good thing. You have a good case to complain that they dismissed it and you had to go privately to confirm this. Recover this cost in your claim. Don't let this worry you it sounds worst that it is.

fedup23 Sat 01-Jun-19 08:29:23

Thank you for reassuring words. Just feel like am drowning atm with everything going on. Devastated that the man I have had 3 DCs with is trying to shaft me when the reality is his Mum will just buy him somewhere to live in.

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Fantasisa Mon 03-Jun-19 12:06:40

You need a solicitor before you make a decision that is not legally sound that is completely in his favour - like being convinced to sign over the house.

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