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Stay at home mum getting divorced, need advice

(473 Posts)
LittleMissMaghribi Wed 29-May-19 11:12:25

Hi everyone, I am possibly looking at the option of divorcing my husband and first need some advice.

I am a Moroccan national with Moroccan citizenship. I married my husband at the end of 2015 and we had 2 sons whilst I lived in Morocco.

My husband applied for a settlement visa for me which was granted this month and I am now in the UK.

I went to my cousins house rather than go to my husband, and I don't have any income, benefits, or job.

My husband has a job that brings in around £35,000 a year before tax.

He doesn't own a home and has about £15,000 in assets (mainly savings with about £4000 in stocks and shares) and about £10,000 of liabilities (mainly credit card debts), so a networth of about £5,000.

If I divorce him, will he be legally required to pay any of his salary to me during the divorce proceedings, so I can pay my own rent and expenses? And how about after divorce?

He also has a pension of about £20,000 if that makes a difference but is nowhere near retirement age (we are both early thirties).

After divorce, would he be required to share his salary with me and roughly how much do you think he would have to share?

My visa conditions state that I cannot claim benefits, so would not be entitled to government support, and I am not sure about if I would be able to find work. I have a degree in sociology but don't have a lot of work experience.

Since my sons have British nationality, I am looking at changing my visa to a parent visa, since I don't think I can stay on a settlement visa if we divorce. Would I be entitled to benefits?

Does anyone have experience of being the stay at home mum without an income during divorce and were you entitled to some of your husbands salary in the divorce proceedings (before and after), and was it enough to live on without additional income from benefits or work?

Please let me know your experiences in how the finances might work out in such a situation. I am a bit stressed. We are not really getting on at the moment and I need a plan B for how I can live if we can't live together going forwards.

Also, we are not currently living together. I am staying with a relative. Am I better off living with him and does that increase my rights during a divorce if we share a house? in the case of a divorce, if we are renting a property, does it matter who's name is on the rental documents, and would he be the one required to leave or me if he pays the rent, and would he still need to pay the rent for me and our sons even if he moved out?

Please let me know what my rights and responsibilities are.

Thank you for your help.

fedup21 Mon 13-Jan-20 18:28:20

It looks like any sort of help you might get would be dependent on your immigration status.

PineappleDanish Mon 13-Jan-20 19:39:58

The most common word on this thread? Entitled.

I would LOVE to get the husband;s side of the story. Or the "ex" with whom he has four kids.

fedup21 Mon 13-Jan-20 20:18:21

What was the DV incident? Was it an argument?

wildcherries Mon 13-Jan-20 20:19:34

This is peak entitlement. You should go back to Morocco cos that's where your support is for you and your children. That's why. Instead of living off 'emergency benefits' (in the name that they won't last long).

LittleMissMaghribi Tue 14-Jan-20 06:01:54

Here is an example of a page that says a non molestation order is evidence of domestic abuse in an application for indefinite leave to remain:

fedup21 Tue 14-Jan-20 07:43:46

How convenient for you.

Good luck. You’re on a long and expensive path which I doubt will leas you to where to want to.

GinUnicorn Tue 14-Jan-20 08:40:30

It can be used as evidence but it is a civil order so given the fact the abuse charge was dismissed I’d be very very cautious with your expectations.

I really think you need an expert opinion here.

JorisBonson Tue 14-Jan-20 12:58:55

What proof do you have of the domestic abuse, OP? You'll need that.

This thread is getting more rotten by the day.

BarbedBloom Tue 14-Jan-20 13:55:36

I was reading the regulations out of interest and the below is still going to be a problem as he only lived with you for a short period from my understanding, not from when you entered the country.

In addition to providing evidence of the domestic violence you have experienced, you are also asked to provide evidence that you and your sponsor were living together from the time when you were granted leave to enter or remain as a spouse or partner until such time as your relationship broke down. This evidence is to show the Home Office that the relationship was continuing before it
broke down permanently. In the SET(DV) form the Home Office asks for 5 letters either addressed jointly to both you and your sponsor, or addressed to you separately but at the same address. The SET(DV) application form gives a number of examples of what letters could be submitted,
• bank statements or letters;
• council tax, telephone, water, electricity or gas bills or
• tenancy agreement; and/or
• correspondence from your GP or local health authority
(for example, your NHS card or letters confirming
medical appointments or health visits)

From what I understood they may take the view that you weren't living as husband and wife when you arrived, therefore your Visa should have been cancelled earlier. Also, if he has letters showing him living elsewhere at this time he stayed with you, then this may well fall apart there too

BarbedBloom Tue 14-Jan-20 13:58:19

Ah, I see juanmorebeer has already made the above point. The non mol doesn't matter if you can't prove the above

LittleMissMaghribi Tue 14-Jan-20 14:17:14

We were living together for a few months though and I should be able to find some evidence of us living together at the same address. He still has all his letters and documents in the house and can't come to the house to collect them due to the non molestation order conditions. Ill see if anything proves we lived together but he was receiving letters to this address for a few months such as bank statements etc. My name wasn't on the bills etc but I was registered at the dentist, doctors, my child was registered to start with the local nursery etc.

I'm surprised if they're overly strict on this rule though as many women who suffer domestic violence couldn't get these documents without putting themselves at risk of significant harm with communicating with their ex etc and the ex would be unlikely to support the application with documents

Elandra Tue 14-Jan-20 16:06:02

Does anyone else think this is a wind up by someone who is anti immigration and wants to make immigrants look bad?

There are some phrase and words in the op’s post that really make it seem like they are actually not from another country

Elandra Tue 14-Jan-20 16:06:59

Even the op’s name sounds dodgy. The person posting wants to make it very clear that they are a Muslim

Thoughtlessinengland Tue 14-Jan-20 16:35:05

I have long thought this thread is dodgy but given how long it's been going and left standing my assumption has been that others have reported it and @MNHQ have let it stand for excellent reasons. Not sure if that is the right assumption or not.

FWIW - a wonderful job is being done here of making an immigrant look bad.

Elandra Tue 14-Jan-20 17:09:48

I might report it and see what they say.

There's some weird phrases on here for someone who has only been in the country for a month. Like referring to the degree as an Micky mouse degree’. It doesn’t matter how much English she has learnt, that’s not something that is taught, Phrases like that are picked up by living in a country for a long time or indeed growing up in it.

fedup21 Tue 14-Jan-20 18:07:43

I would very much like to hear the husband’s version of all this.

Ninjakittysmellz Tue 14-Jan-20 18:55:03

I would be very surprised if there really was a husband @fedup21.

If this is genuine I think this lady will survive as she’s ruthless enough to get what she wants no matter what.

fedup21 Tue 14-Jan-20 21:58:11

Very true!

LittleMissMaghribi Wed 15-Jan-20 06:22:23

I have learned about British culture and language not only from education but also from extensive online interaction, reading Western media articles and watching TV shows, doing language exchanges and making friends online etc. You seem to have this idea that a foreigner can't master the English language. Its not that hard. I got the term Mickey mouse degree from British media articles.

I don't know why you'd want to get a thread closed down that has been providing a lifeline for me to seek advice and can potentially benefit others in a similar circumstances.

Regarding my name, maghribi simply means someone from Morocco, has nothing to do with religion. Its actual the male form, maghribiyyah (مغربية) is the female form if we're being technical. That doesn't look nice as a user name though.

Anyway I'm not going to give any more responses to those types of comments as they aren't beneficial to me. The comments that deal with my situation are helpful, whether they give me encouragement or hope, or whether they point out potential issues I'm going to face or flaws in my approach. This thread has helped me a lot.

LadyInferno Wed 15-Jan-20 07:51:43

Maghrebi / Maghribi) script refers to a related family of Arabic scripts that was introduced to countries like morrocco by Muslims hundreds of years ago. You’re not the only one who has learnt about other cultures.

I didn’t say I wanted Mumsnet to take it down. Just to check it out and let us know if you are genuine.

LittleMissMaghribi Wed 15-Jan-20 09:01:15

No I'm sorry but you're completely wrong there.

There are three scripts used in Morocco. Latin script for English and French. Arabic script for Arabic (Moroccan darija is a dialect of Arabic). And there is also Berber/tamazigh who have their own script also.

Maghrib comes from gharb (غرب) which means West, because Morocco is the Western most part of the Arab world and known world prior to the discovery of the Americas.

Technically Maghreb can refer to North African countries like Algeria and Tunisia also, but Morocco in Arabic is call almaghrib (المغرب), and a Moroccan is called a maghribi.

None of this has to do with Islam or writing scripts, so I'm not sure where you have taken your information from.

RobinHobb Wed 15-Jan-20 20:05:57

She's right I'm afraid

RobinHobb Wed 15-Jan-20 20:06:30

As in OP is right
But yes it all stinks though

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