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Who pays for child to visit non resident parent?

(18 Posts)
Tashtegotoo Sun 26-May-19 06:37:54

My XH moved away at the start of this year. We are all in NZ. He wants child to visit him. This will involve a flight to the other island. I will have an approx 5 hour round trip to take DC to the airport. XH claims I should pay half the costs of flight and the travel (him and mine).

He pays the required child support (always late but so far has paid since it has gone through the official channels).

I had asked for my cost from him for taking DC to the airport.

Does anyone had advice please. I'm prepared to believe that I can't claim my costs, (unfair as that feels to me) but really don't want to have to pay for the flight/XH's petrol. I don't have money to spare for that.

Teddybear45 Sun 26-May-19 06:38:23

He needs to pay

toomuchfaster Sun 26-May-19 06:50:27

He moved, he pays! But be prepared he may stop having them.

Surfskatefamily Sun 26-May-19 06:53:41

If he chose to move then yes i think he should pay...however, if you can afford it it could be good for your ongoing co-parenting relationship to cover your own fuel for the drive. It might help maintain a relationship for your child

Surfskatefamily Sun 26-May-19 06:54:24

I dont think it is fair for him to ask you for hal the flight money

Tashtegotoo Sun 26-May-19 06:54:35

Thanks. He hasn't had DC since he moved away. He's already told DC they are coming, before he mentioned me paying. It may just be a way of stopping me asking for my expenses. He thinks because he gives me child support the money comes out of that for flights.

SD1978 Sun 26-May-19 07:00:15

Flight all on him, but I'd pay the petrol costs to get to and from the airport if it was me. But wouldn't be covering any of his costs.

Tashtegotoo Sun 26-May-19 07:03:50

Thanks, I think that's what I'll have to offer. He has said that case law means the person receiving maintenance pays for travel costs. His DP has DC from a previous relationship who live with them so may well have experience of this.

Farahilda Sun 26-May-19 07:26:37

It may well not be the same as in England (probably other home nations) where there is a strong presumption that the person who moved arranges and pays for the DC's travel (and when necessary accompanies them, eg whilst too young to go alone). Though agreements can be made (including those ordered by courts) which are different.

Does the NZ system encourage mediation? That may be needed in order to sort this out.

Tashtegotoo Sun 26-May-19 07:30:24

It does encourage mediation. I'm not sure how easy that is now we are so far apart.
We did have an informal parenting agreement but that is void now because he has changed his mind about things.

nannytothequeen Wed 29-May-19 02:55:16

I think you need to re-examine your parenting agreement and rewrite it. You can get the template online. If you can't reach an agreement then you can move onto a parenting order but you can't access the courts without an effort at mediation, preferably through a mediation service like Fairway. I think that they will facilitate a Skype mediation.

Use this chance to nail down your agreement. I refer to our agreement a lot when my ex is being awkward. Strictly speaking the child support payments through the Ird are supposed to cover everything, which is just ridiculous when the payments are so meagre. So try and pin down how travel costs might work in your agreement. He should pay for the flights but you might need to suck up travel to the airport. I am curious about where is so far from a domestic airport though!

SD1978 Wed 29-May-19 10:49:42

Child support is for the basic day to day costs of the child- it's not to cover the increased cost of travel because he chose to move a considerable distance away. 100% care of a child daily doesn't suddenly decrease in cost because there is a plane trip to see dad. He's a bit of an idiot for thinking that. Contact your local mediation centre- see if there is a long distance option. Otherwise it's an exemption and court orders which will sort it for you.

nannytothequeen Wed 29-May-19 11:13:05

Are you in NZ SD1978? Because my lawyer told me that child support is all you can expect and that if this is being paid, there is no mechanism for asking for any extra money however pathetic the child support. For example, my ex pays me the equivalent of 200 pounds a month for two children through the IRD and pays absolutely nothing else, not music lessons, nor anything towards uniforms, nor camp costs, nor extra curricula activities. And neither does he have to. It's all down to his goodwill. Something being ridiculous doesn't mean it won't happen and his 'rights' to see the kids will always trump the OPs financial circumstances. That's why I am suggesting nailing this down in a parenting agreement.

HotChocolateLover Wed 29-May-19 11:16:00

My husband pays all the travel costs to see his children. My ex-husband pays all the travel costs to see our son. Definitely not your responsibility.

pikapikachu Wed 29-May-19 20:37:36

My ex pays all of the expenses too (including renting a car when it'll his was stolen) I would happily get the kids to him at my cost in an emergency (eg if he broke his arm so couldn't drive) as he's been consistent for several years and moved closer when I told him that I thought that he made the kids travel too far too often. (5-6 hours a weekend!)

Tashtegotoo Sat 01-Jun-19 10:18:28

@nannytothequeen there is an domestic airport an hours drive away, we are 2 hours from Auckland airport. I'd rather not say any more as it could get identifying very quickly.
DC has flown before but never by themselves. For the second time I will be keen to suggest I take to the nearer domestic airport if DC are willing to do the change by themselves.

XH has not been fair in the past with money he owed me for something not child related. I need to let go of that feeling of being hard done by (which tbf to me, I do most of the time). I am keen to do the best for DC and certainly want to keep the father/child relationship alive for the sake of DC's mental health.

Tashtegotoo Sat 01-Jun-19 10:22:42

Thanks everyone for replying, sorry I hadn't looked for a few days.
XH has agreed to write a new parenting plan for me to look at. This thread has made me realise I want to get as much as possible sorted now rather than piece by piece. We did have aplan when he lived closer but as he changed his mind when it came to the financial settlement and said he had been made to pay more money for the children than he should that is nil and void now.

nannytothequeen Sat 01-Jun-19 15:56:18

He is talking rubbish Tash. The parenting plan and the financial agreement are dealt with separately. And if the plan is signed it is not null and void. There may be parts of it that are still valid. Check out the IRD calculator to see what they think you are entitled to and keep pushing for a new plan. Maybe you should draft one. That is what I did to take control and I was very clear that I was not willing to deviate significantly from my draft. It sounds to me as if you have a bloke on your hands who thinks he is cleverer than he actually is. hmmIf he carries on being a smartarse you might have to start talking about proceeding to an order. I used to say to mine "well, if your ignorance is stopping you signing the agreement, well have to go to the Family Court and Ill be very interested to see what the judge thinks about you not wanting to contribute towards your own children/ objecting to me taking the kids to see their granny in the UK/ trying to stop me moving away from this tiny village where you are flaunting your affair". Whatever he was banging on about at the time. It pretty consistently pulled him up short.

If you were to use your domestic airport, would the kids fly with AirNZ and therefore be escorted through the change? I fly often from a domestic airport and I often see escorted kids with their labels. Or could they fly to the nearest hub where he meets them and flies back to his own domestic airport. He's done the moving and so needs to make the effort.

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