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Newly seperated-getting divorced. I'm a mess.

(11 Posts)
Mj1214 Sun 19-May-19 08:14:50

Hi,
I was just wondering if there's any help or tips as I'm really not coping. I'm new to mum's net, I'm not sure what to expect or how much detail I should share.
The seperation is not amicable, it is fuelled with his need to control/gaslight me. I'm seeing a councillor, but I'm just not coping.
Giving up my kids 50% is not why I became a mum!
He has already found a new partner, just a few months after seperation.
Im just losing the will to tackle each day.

OP’s posts: |
Imleavingonajetplane Sun 19-May-19 08:27:03

Sorry to hear that you’re not coping well. I think men often find someone else quite quickly after moving on or out. It is often remarked on.

There is a wealth of information on these MN boards, especially the Relationship one, and you’ll find yourself in the company of others who have been through similar.

Two things - have you seen your GP? Maybe a course of ADs may help you a bit.
Secondly, don’t forget he’ll be doing a similar thing to the next woman in his life. Try and view it as an escape from him, and a chance to start your life all over again.

Mj1214 Sun 19-May-19 08:47:52

Thank you.

OP’s posts: |
Moneymachine Sun 19-May-19 21:11:52

Definitely GP, I remember very well how hard first few weeks after split were (still are) with ex very manipulative and placing a lot of blame on me.
Surround yourself with solid friends - I only shared my split with two friends and they have been my rock throughout
Also if you are working some places have well-being support and on tap counselling. Woman’s Aid for emotional support and definitely MN boards - those have been a god send to me

Lizzie1503 Sun 19-May-19 21:12:35

I’m in a similar position as you and not coping well. Maybe it helps to know there’s someone else out there struggling too?

Sally2791 Sun 19-May-19 21:26:20

I think it's normal to be all over the place in the begrinning, and to have bad and good days for a long while, even if you initiated the split
Sharing the children is the worst bit. Mine are old enough to know he's very strange. Take all the support you can find, it will get easier

Mj1214 Sun 19-May-19 21:46:58

It is comforting to know I'm not alone, I've tried looking for support groups but am having no luck.
Sharing my kids with a narcissist is just awful. I'm petrified of him and I feel powerless.

OP’s posts: |
Pinkpanthershow Sun 19-May-19 22:32:08

Sorry, and you are not alone. I would also recommend seeing your GP. I am going through similar and anti depressants have helped me get through it so far.
I am dreading only having my son 50% of the time too, and co/parenting with a controlling bully will be interesting.

PurpleWithRed Sun 19-May-19 22:46:17

He’s found himself a new partner because he can’t manage on his own.

Your ability to recognise that he needs to control and gaslight you is a great first step for you.

Come back here for a confidence boost whenever you need a gang of supportive cheerleaders. I wish I’d had mumsnet to turn to when I was divorcing.

Pinkpanthershow Sun 19-May-19 22:58:41

Do you think him having a new partner might make him focus less on gas lighting/manipulating you?

Giraffey1 Sun 19-May-19 23:01:48

First of all, well done for getting out of an unhappy relationship- it must be really tricky for you. But you’re not Aline and you will get lots of help and support from people here.

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