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Who Drives? (custody)

(11 Posts)
Zonker Fri 17-May-19 19:49:57

I live with my brother, I'm bedridden and my mother is down the hall and barely gets to the bathroom on a zimmer frame. I start here to establish that my brother has... responsibilities. We're like having two extra children.
He and his ex both lived in Surrey (and we still do). She has moved to Essex assuring him at the time it was only a half hour away (today it took him over 5 hours 'round trip - typically ~2 hours). Her mother lives here in Surrey and she works here at times.
Far more than 50% of the driving burden has been put on my brother. At times when she's here visiting her mother or working she will avoid helping out. Today she told my sixteen year-old nephew that if my brother does not drive back my 9 year-old nephew that 'he will never see him again'.
I will not say my brother is a better parent or try to convince you why. I do not believe in emotional appeals... but she makes this difficult. Can she continue hurting my brother and making my nephew cry without any consequences?

OP’s posts: |
Ragwort Fri 17-May-19 19:52:50

Why doesn’t your DB want to drive & spend time with his children? Is it a financial issue? Assuming the children live with their mother most of the time ... what exactly is the issue?

Justkeeprollingalong Fri 17-May-19 20:08:33

Could you explain the issues a little more clearly? Your post isn't very clear.

Contraceptionismyfriend Fri 17-May-19 20:12:36

If she moved the children away from the area they resides in with their father then the onus is on her to do a majority of the travel.

Contraceptionismyfriend Fri 17-May-19 20:13:17

Bottom line though. He needs to get a CAO no question

Zonker Fri 17-May-19 20:53:07

Ragwort: That was an incredibly biased and unhelpful comment. How you could attempt to flip the tables by making a long and exhausting dive into 'quality time' is reprehensible.

Justkeeprollingalong: I feel as if I covered everything and although you ask for clarity, you don't say what isn't clear.

Contraceptionismyfriend : Thank you, your willingness to assign responsibility is appreciated. I will look into obtaining a Child Arrangement Order.

OP’s posts: |
stucknoue Fri 17-May-19 21:32:11

I understand the difficulty though the reason for her wanting to move makes a difference as to if it's reasonable. But your situation and that of your mother isn't he ex's problem, it's down to either what is arranged between them or what a court decides is reasonable hence my first comment because if a parent moves for work, family or because they couldn't afford to stay in the area it's different to moving deliberately to upset your former partner

Contraceptionismyfriend Fri 17-May-19 21:38:48

Not necessarily. The courts usually side with the parent who stayed now.
He may also be able to claim a reduction on maintenance for any travel he does now do due to her moving.

Collaborate Fri 17-May-19 22:21:02

Your question is very vague I'm afraid.

Yours and your mother's disabilities are irrelevant are they not?

If he's not seeing the children a much as he'd like he needs to refer the case to mediation and follow that with an application to court if there's no mediated agreement. The ship has sailed for her coming back to Surrey, but the courts often (but not always) make the parent who has moved away bear much of the responsibility for travel.

Zonker Wed 22-May-19 14:46:13

stucknoue: I was attempting to show that a 6am-6pm workday and a disabled brother and mother make his life quite busy enough without demanding he drive two hours while half-asleep. This (to me) is unreasonable and dangerous to himself and whomever is in the vehicle.

Contraceptionismyfriend: Thank you, that was helpful and useful.

Collaborate: Why are you afraid? Starting this with a disingenuous platitude is designed to make me defensive... very counter productive.
No, they are certainly not irrelevant (see above).
The last bit is hopefully true and she will become more helpful before my brother falls asleep at the wheel.

Note: She moved away to cohabitate with her new partner.

OP’s posts: |
wobytide Wed 22-May-19 16:48:28

I imagine Collaborate is afraid as again people are expecting binary and absolute legal advice whilst being dripfed information that is all relevant.

Having a pop at a family law solicitor is probably more counter productive IMO

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