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Is this reasonable financial split and child maintenance?

(267 Posts)
GerdaMyArse Sun 12-May-19 17:14:33

I’ve been separated for over two years and the divorce is now happening (he is divorcing me).

My Ex is currently giving me £500 a month for our 13 year old child, paying school fees and sometimes other ad-hoc expenses like school trips. But this isn’t enough to cover all the music lessons and other expenses there are. I think that he should be paying more. I’m also thinking of asking him for spousal maintenance.

Also he doesn’t think a 70/30 split on the house is fair.

I don’t know what is normal in these circumstances. Advice please.

OP’s posts: |
clpsmum Sun 12-May-19 17:16:06

I think it's 16% of his net pay that he has to pay by law

GerdaMyArse Sun 12-May-19 17:18:51

16% of his net pay is only about £336 a month. That’s not enough!

OP’s posts: |
booboo82 Sun 12-May-19 17:20:18

I think your getting more than enough tbh

hsegfiugseskufh Sun 12-May-19 17:22:43

So hes paying school fees, £500 maintenance a month on a wage of what 30 grand ish? And you want more?

Do you work?

GerdaMyArse Sun 12-May-19 17:23:07

I’ve no idea how I’d manage on less than £500 a month maintenance. I only earn about 20K

Really worried about how I’m going to cope financially.

OP’s posts: |
hsegfiugseskufh Sun 12-May-19 17:24:26

Ahahahhaa try coping on £26 a week in child maintenance.

Or yeno cut down on music lessons. Send your child to state school. Live within your means.

MummyOfTwo92 Sun 12-May-19 17:25:33

Surely you get child tax and child benefit?
We are a low income family. 16k before tax at the moment and we manage. I do agree with everyone else that commented. You are getting a lot of him now

TitianaTitsling Sun 12-May-19 17:25:59

Why not 50/50 split on house or are you looking for 100% for you?

GerdaMyArse Sun 12-May-19 17:26:26

I moved out of the martial home a couple of years ago and since then he has lived there with lodgers in the spare rooms (I get money from one lodger) but obviously once the house is sold I won’t have this.

Currently I pay to rent a flat myself and he pays the mortgage for the house.

I’m worried I won’t be able to manage once I’m divorced.

OP’s posts: |
hsegfiugseskufh Sun 12-May-19 17:27:58

If he only earns 10k ish more than you why do you think you deserve such a big % of the property?

MummyOfTwo92 Sun 12-May-19 17:28:42

I missed the property part...think you should both have 50/50 once that sells. It's only fair.

GerdaMyArse Sun 12-May-19 17:29:57

I only get child benefit - nothing else. I’m not on any benefits.

I want 70% of the house and a flat that we also own overseas - so that I can afford to buy another property for myself and our child.

OP’s posts: |
MummyOfTwo92 Sun 12-May-19 17:32:08

@GerdaMyArse does he not have your child some off the time? To me personally I think that's totally unreasonable. 50/50 on everything and both leave it at that. Like a previous poster said, live to your means. No offence in this, I just think you are being unreasonable especially when he already pays so much for one child. Don't think you would get that of CSA

GerdaMyArse Sun 12-May-19 17:32:22

I don’t agree with this divorce - he’s divorcing me. I’m being put in this position because of his selfishness - so why should I agree to 50/50?

I want to be able to buy something outright and to have financial stability.

OP’s posts: |
titchy Sun 12-May-19 17:33:05

Will 30% enable him to buy as well?

titchy Sun 12-May-19 17:35:04

You can't expect to have the same standard of living post-divorce. Frankly on salaries of £30k and £20k I'm amazed you ever thought private education was possible.

Something, probably quite a lot in your case, has to give.

GerdaMyArse Sun 12-May-19 17:36:48

Up until recently he looked after our child for about 10 days & nights a month while I’m working (he used to come to my flat as I work away). But then he said he intends to stop this once we are divorced and that he wants to live near us. I want our child to have just one home and not have to move between two - so unsettling. So now I’ve told him he can’t look after our child in my home. So currently he’s only seeing our son for Sundays in the day and some weekday evenings.

OP’s posts: |
MsSquiz Sun 12-May-19 17:38:20

If I was you, I would consider the bigger picture. If you keep going for 70/30, I can guarantee the maintenance that he pays will not stay at that amount! Neither will the additional ad hoc expenses continue to be covered. If you were awarded the 70/30, I have no doubt that he will tell you to go through CMS for the maintenance.

When divorce occurs, your lifestyle does usually take a knock, and you have to live within your means, and not just to the lifestyle you are used to.

And I say this as a woman who's father paid £0 maintenance my full life, and my DM worked up to 3 jobs at once to send me to a private school

Bluestitch Sun 12-May-19 17:38:21

Is this a reverse? Or a new partner trying to elicit responses about the awful greedy ex?

He's paying well over the CMS minimum as well as school fees and other costs, and you want spousal maintenance too? He doesn't sound like a particularly high earner, and maybe you need to start living more within your means.

GerdaMyArse Sun 12-May-19 17:38:33

Sorry above may seem confusing - he now doesn’t have our child for any nights at all - which surely means a larger maintenance figure?

OP’s posts: |
MummyOfTwo92 Sun 12-May-19 17:39:08

How old is your child? I agree it will be different but your child should still have regular contact and over night stays with their dad

MrsElijahMikaelson1 Sun 12-May-19 17:39:22


Knickersononeshead Sun 12-May-19 17:40:34

Honestly, look at what your child is already receiving, then some of the threads on MN about ex dickheads not paying a penny towards their child..

You may have a better outlook.


GerdaMyArse Sun 12-May-19 17:40:44

I don’t know what you mean by reverse?

OP’s posts: |

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