Stbx Solicitor

[Yellowshirt]

We have been separated now for 10 months. I am in the process of sorting a solicitor but my wife is using a family member as her solicitor and I've received numerous letters trying to say I'm doing this that or the other wrong.
Letters have included, don't try and move back into my own house or else, don't tell my daughter I was abused by her mother etc etc.
The latest one this week is" get your solicitor sorted within 28 days to sort finances or we will start proceeding and could charge you up to £7500 in court costs.
Do I have to keep receiving these letters or am I being harassed.
I'm as low as I have ever felt in my whole life yet I feel as though I'm just being pushed and pushed and pushed.

[purplecorkheart]

I am based in Ireland rather than the UK but I suggest you contact the UK (sorry, if I am making an assumption) regulatory authority (I think it is called the Law society here) to check if they are behaviour within their remit.

[purplecorkheart]

Also get a Solicitor ASAP, even if just a temporary one just to reply to the correspondence you have got .

[Yellowshirt]

Thanks purple......

[squee123]

I would contact the Solicitors Regulatory Authority to raise a complaint and send them a copy of all the correspondence. They do not sound like they are behaving appropriately.

[squee123]

(not the Law Society... they don't deal with disciplinary matters any more)

[zsazsajuju]

Doesn’t sound like harassment. I would get a solicitor and move on with things

[Hecateh]

If the house you are referring to is were your STX is living with child/ren then it is perfectly right to be told not try and move back in at this stage.

It is also perfectly reasonable not to tell/say to/ you daughter that you were being abused.

Regardless of their reasons. this isn't about whether you were or were not being abused just that it is not in your daughters interests to hear this

Certainly not judging you as in the wrong here but you need to get legal representation to enable the situation to be sorted with YOUR DAUGHTER'S interests being paramount.
Without you getting legal help this will be one sided in your ex's direction

[Yellowshirt]

Ok thanks hecateh.
The reason for me wanting to move back into to my home is because I'm just literally being pushed around by a bully being told what I can take from the house and I'm hardly seeing my daughter.
But I certainly don't want to live with that bitch again

[MrsBertBibby]

None of those requests sound unreasonable, (I imagine you are paraphrasing the letters to make them sound bad).
If you can't agree child arrangements or furniture split than you need to go to court.
If don't get on and deal with things then they need to go to court.
If it goes to court then thousands will be spent on lawyers and that will affect what you have to share with your ex.

It's been 10 months. Stop being such a baby and get it sorted. Your life will be infinitely better once you have, as will your daughter.

Oh and don't call her mum a bitch. She loves her mum, and she loves you. Let her continue to do that, or you will wreck her head, poor girl.

[ScreamScreamIceCream]

Your wife can use anyone she likes to represent her and she can even represent herself if she wants to. The same goes for you.

It is actually more urgent for you to start dealing with your daughter and then your finances. So to show you aren't being a dick find a family mediator and then a different financial mediator tomorrow. If you can't get a recommendation from anyone then use Google to find two in your area. And actually ring them up tomorrow

Also you need to start acting in your daughter's best interests. It isn't in her best interests to live with two warring parents and for you to be calling each other names in front of her. This is why it isn't a good idea for you to move back in regardless of what your wife has done. Your daughter's best interests are paramount.

[Yellowshirt]

Thanks screamscream..... I appreciate your advice

[IsItBetter]

Lol, get yourself onto a dad's forum to receive some proper non-misandristic advice.

I'm assuming the divorce process is well underway... You don't have to get a solicitor if you don't want to - they aren't a pre-requisite, and being threatened with costs is just that... a threat... and an empty one at that. You don't have to reply to any of these letters but do keep them for future reference.

Has her solicitor actually mentioned anything constructive? Mediation? A rough outline of what she expects? You don't have to be the one to start the ball rolling, not least since she already is represented.

Are you happy with your current child arrangements? Are you in agreement with the current routine? What do you want from finances? Do you know what your and her assets and liabilities are? Is she looking for a sensible split?

Strategically it usually makes sense for the father to agree or conclude child arrangements first. Do try to keep any kids out of the divorce process.

Do you know what the court process entails? If she's an idiot then it makes sense to get any child arrangements formalised via a court order to stop her randomly stopping contact in the future.

[Yellowshirt]

Isitbetter.. Thanks for your help.
We have one 13 year old daughter who I now hardly see as her mum has basically smoothed her with gifts.
We have a house with between £40000 and £50000 equity and pensions.
Her solicitor has said nothing constructive. Just accusations that I'm doing everything wrong and my wife is all of a sudden perfect.

[Yellowshirt]

Isitbetter. Yes my wife is an idiot but also intelligent. She basically makes up the rules. Two examples. She is a teacher yet her and my daughter took the last day off school to go on holiday.
Also every time we have agreed something like the car valuation for instance she has then gone back on the deal so like now for instance I'm having to beg her for the last £500.
It's breaking me all this is.

[Herland]

Seek legal advice regarding your house and financial issues.

Regarding your daughter - it can be extremely damaging for children to hear their parents bad nothing one another (even if it seems justified). Allow her to love her mother AND you.