Split of holiday childcare

[toomanycats99]

Just hoping to understand what other people do.

My ex works on 50% on 50% off shift pattern. I have just allocated him some days in the holidays (generally very few!).

We are now at the summer and he has covered 8 days and I am asking him to book a couple of days off work to cover some others (I am actually saying he can swop for a weekend day)

However I seem to be hitting a bit of a block with that. In 11 months since the split I cannot actually think of a single day he has taken off work to cover. I am lucky I have a flexible role so can work from home some days. And obviously 80-90% of my holiday allowance goes on covering holidays.

He is talking about changing jobs to a regular 9-5 so I can see this being an issue going forward. How are they generally split? Do they have specified time and then it's up to them to take time off or book holiday care?

He still lives with parents and doesn't have them overnight so it's nothing more than day time.

[NASA20]

If he gets a regular 9-5 job he should be using his annual leave to cover the school holidays that you cant get off, that's the fair thing to do in my eyes. He gets time off work and time with his child, just like you do. Don't see why men think they can get time off to do as they please like they don't have any responsibilities, might not be with you but he's still a parent at the end of the day, its totally unfair.

[toomanycats99]

I can see if he gets 9-5 I will need to go the court ordered route as otherwise he will say he cannot take any time off work.

However don't want to do now as will be wasted if he changes job.

To put it in context he has them
On average 5 hours a week if that! He has just moaned that if he has them two of the days I have suggested he will have them 4 days in a row!!!! What does he think I do......he won't even be having them overnight.

[Teddybear45]

Just go court ordered from now. It’ll save the arguments

[Happyinheels]

What is the court ordered time?

[Chasingsquirrels]

Presumably a court order wouldn't help you as they can't make him have the children, only when you have to make the children available.

Of course both parents should shoulder the childcare responsibilities, but given how often he has them you already know he isn't doing this.

As you asked about what others do - my kids spend half all weekends, 1 night a week and half of all holidays with their dad. He sorts out everything for them when they are with him.

[toomanycats99]

@Happyinheels

I haven't got anything court ordered yet. Because he works shifts it has worked ok him just taking days he is off. (Although I haven't asked much hours wise) He also has nowhere to have them overnight so wanted to wait and just get done once rather than incur costs twice. I just feel this unwillingness to take any holiday for it and also his wanting to 'swop' weekend days (I say swop but the promised replacement never happens) means I will need to go this route.

[Happyinheels]

You could go and get a court order, which is very expensive. You would both have to agree on the childcare arrangements though. Obviously he could use the fact he has nowhere of his own at the moment to be able to care for your child overnight.
I can totally understand your frustration at your situation but I really don't think a court order can 'make' him have his child. I know the other way round, if you don't adhere to a court order and let the other person have the contact as agreed then you can be taken back before the court. I'm sure someone more knowledgeable will be able to answer that though. Because if there are no repercussions for him not sticking to a court order of agreed contact and having your child when he said he would then there would be no point in all that expense.
How about mediation? That might help talk through some scenarios and maybe come up with a solution?

[toomanycats99]

Ah - I thought it would go both ways. As it in could state how long he should have them in holidays. I don't really have any issue with him having them overnight as I know he cant it's just the unwillingness to really make an effort in the holidays. I asked for 4 days over water - to be fair he actually did 6 as he took them to my parents (where he gets to opt out of most of the actual work but of parenting!) but he then asked to cancel weekend contact as he had done al those days!

[donajimena]

Court ordered just means you have to make them available it can't force them to comply.

[eve34]

He does not have to adhere to the court order. You just have to make the kids available. It sucks

I don't factor the children's father into any hobbies or school holidays. If I can't commit them to something then it doesn't happen.

Once you realise it is all on you. You don't feel so mad about it. They are missing out on the opportunity to enjoy the children. So their loss.