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Things that helped me through divorce(12 Posts)
1. My family and friends
2. An obsessive compulsive nature which meant I spent hours looking at the numbers, calculating, knowing what was in my bank account to the penny. Sounds crazy but having an overview kept me calm
3. My job
5. When I eventually got the energy for it, dating again
6. Scrapbooking ideas for how I wanted my new home to look
7. The kids
Add anything you feel helped you
7 months into it no nearer the end an absolute disregard of all correspondence.
This will make some blink my severely autistic daughters social worker
As well as CAHMS team
Being able to do what I want within reason ie having the guts as he calls it to demand he stays in with her on some Saturdays which was unheard off as he refuses to do personal care.
Day dreaming of the end of this nightmare
2. A few amazing friends
3. Playlist of very upbeat positive songs
5. Going out
7. Taking better care of my appearance & losing weight
8. Staying upbeat for the kids
9. The relief of not living with him anymore
I hold onto these things every day because I am 7 months in having discovered affairs, drugs, years of lies and the grief for my marriage, what I thought it was, is still so painful and divorce is the slowest bloody process.
1. writing a gratitude list every day. Some days I feel so crappy but I can still be grateful for little things. One day it was a stranger giving me a tissue in Tescos.
4. seeing a nutritionalist and starting vitamin supplements (sounds weird but it was good)
7. shouting in the car.
8. space and quiet when DCs go to STBXH
Even though she had a long term affair, took out £20000 credit in my name resulting in 3 ccjs, and left me with a black eye on one occasion to see the lies written on the divorce petition from her at the 7 months point has virtually destroyed me and I'm at rock bottom. That divorce petition came after I decided not to petition her for adultry as she said it would affect her job as a secondary school teacher as the affair was with a work colleague. There both now middle managers in the school and arrange school trips to go on together.
100% work work work.
I did go for a run today for the first time in a while and that made me feel good afterwards, but then tonight I'll probably have a skin full of beer and lie in bed all day tomorrow so I end up back at square one.
Yellowshirt Mark my words it will get better
Forgot to add
Thinking of the extra wardrobe space I will get once it’s over
Yes yes to the extra wardrobe space! I am 10 months down the line and do relish in the fact that all his mountains of utter shite is no longer in my house. I actuallt have extra unused storage space now!
Also friends and family, my DC, work, therapy and a new found love for gardening
Decluttering has helped,
Going for a long run,
Having something to look forward too each month, I’m organising weekends away visiting friends when the kids are with their dad or a planning a night out. I have to force my self to be proactive though. My instinct is to stay home, curl up and shut out the world but I’ve realised this doesn’t help my mental health and I start to spiral into self loathing.
I’m trying to say yes to every invite and opportunity.
It’s very hard
Im on a journey out to see relatives havent seen for years
Funny how bold ive become would have been to down to organise this .Since i put my intentions down regardless off the fact that im still waiting for response im free within myself .
Doing exciting new things and living
1. Planning days out / holidays, knowing that they might actually happen now and that they would be probably be more enjoyable and no more difficult, despite DC being very young.
2. Coming up with new family traditions for Christmas etc knowing that nobody would subtly undermine them or be negative or ask what the point was
3. A general feeling of being the architect of my life and my children's upbringing (ex doesn't see them at all)
Extra wardrobe space.
Using all of the kitchen and much of the dining room for my seedlings.
Planning the garden from seed this year. See above.
Making the bedroom mine with a nice throw.
My music on full blast.
The children who are here for Easter.
Knowing that he won't see them today because he made no plans.
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