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Divorce/separation

I can't wait to start feeling normal again

24 replies

Simonfromharlow · 15/04/2019 08:53

Well just that really.

Very early days into my separation and I feel shit.

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sittingonacornflake · 15/04/2019 08:54

You'll get there. The first few weeks, even months, are the hardest and then just all of a sudden you realise it's not shit anymore and then before you know it, things are good! You've just got to get through this shitty bit.

Did you want to talk about it?

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Simonfromharlow · 15/04/2019 09:10

I don't know really. I just feel so sad and frustrated.

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Simonfromharlow · 15/04/2019 09:11

And I need people to stop saying maybe he will realise what he's losing and what to get back together. He won't he's decided.

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sittingonacornflake · 15/04/2019 09:31

Have you told them that? Sometimes people say these things thinking they're helping but actually they aren't and just need to be told that.

And then they must give you lots of wine and chocolate. It's the rules.

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Simonfromharlow · 15/04/2019 09:43

Haha. Yes I've had lots of wine and chocolates

Yes I keep saying to people stop saying it.

The thing that hurts the most is he made this decision for himself and hasn't ever said sorry. It's all about him and how he feels.

He needs to do this
He isn't happy
He needs a change

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sittingonacornflake · 15/04/2019 10:13

Yep. That's men for you. A really hard thing to come to terms with. My ex is exactly the same and a rubbish father. Everything is all about him. We deserve better!

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sittingonacornflake · 15/04/2019 10:13

Sorry that sounds bitter. I know it's not all men. Or even a majority. And it's women too!

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Simonfromharlow · 15/04/2019 10:42

I will say for him he is a great dad and know my kids will not go without. Just a shit husband.

He's not moved out yet so I'm still finding it difficult to process. Soon hopefully.

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Tweennightmare · 15/04/2019 11:07

Simon I ‘m in the same boat, seperating from H but still living in the same house . H hoping to be gone by end of June but not sure how I will make it to then . Atmosphere is toxic at the moment with us barely speaking and dancing round the house trying to avoid each other. I have a permanent tension headache and my anxiety is through the roof. On the plus side I have never been more happy to go to work, my weight has dropped to numbers I have not seen since the 80’s and my fitness has improved as I don’t skip exercise classes any more (glad of the excuse to get out of the house)

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Simonfromharlow · 15/04/2019 12:32

well you have to see the positives don't you!!

He seems to have dropped this bombshell but have no idea what to do next. He's just hanging about like a bad smell.

I'm hoping for some divorce related weight loss haha

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VivaVegas · 15/04/2019 13:19
  • He needs to do this
    He isn't happy
    He needs a change*

    Yep same here, all about him and never mentioned or gave any signs of unhappiness before and then refused to try and work at things to see if we could improve them, our marriage wasn't perfect but whose is?

    If it's any consolation my H has messed me about with his indecision, false hope and mixed signals for months which has made me ill.

    Now it's final I feel like you, I'm talking to friends, seeing a councillor, have sleeping tablets to help sleep, have done all the get hair/nails/buy new clothes to make me feel better, but nothing works, I feel old and unwanted.

    Clutching at straws but I've lost 2 stone, am fitter than I've ever been as I do so much exercise both for my sanity and to keep busy when I don't have the DC.

    Things kind friends have told me to try are to start to enjoy being at home alone and doing stuff for me ( I go out all the time when I don't have the DC as I hate being in the family home alone) reading, watching films, resting etc. Plan nice things to do with DC in the summer and nice things for me. Changing bits in the house so it's more mine.

    Need to put this into practice but you have my sympathy it's so bloody hard and do horrible.
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Simonfromharlow · 15/04/2019 13:35

It's nice to talk to others in the same boat. I have divorced friends but none of them just had a man walk out. They did something terrible like cheat so they said they found it easier.

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Simonfromharlow · 15/04/2019 13:53

On a plus point I've gone a whole morning without crying today. I big step! Hopefully go the whole day.

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stucknoue · 15/04/2019 14:15

Join the club we didn't want to join. Three weeks on and I'm feeling a bit more positive. It helps he keeps saying I don't need to worry about money but until it's written in legal form I am.

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ww6375 · 15/04/2019 16:04

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time.

I’m on the other end of the scale. Married 23 years, kids are almost grown and now it’s me that’s decided to end my marriage. Just can’t take anymore. My husband is struggling to get himself together, says he has nowhere to go and no money to go get a deposit or flat or bond or anything.

I can’t make a claim for help until he leaves and I can’t pay for everything without making a claim for help.

Catch 22. Atmosphere is shocking and kids are suffering. Beginning to wish I’d just struggled on until they’d left home

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Simonfromharlow · 15/04/2019 16:40

Today I've started a claim for universal credit. He said oh I'll help you do a cv if you want.

Made me so angry. I wouldn't have to be doing this if it wasn't for him.

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Jen1519 · 16/04/2019 15:59

Definitely get your UC claim in as it starts from the first day you claim not the day you separated
I’m over 8 months down the track and it’s got easier. Hoping to sort the finances out next week, get that all blocked off then “hello new life” (that’s the meds talking).
Best thing is a good support network

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Simonfromharlow · 16/04/2019 21:19

8 months seems like a life time away. It's been a week since he dropped the bombshell. The longest week of my life.

Everywhere I turn is happy couples and families. I looked in my google drive for my cv to apply for a job and there bam was all our wedding pics, new baby pics with both our kids, holiday pics, you couldn't make it up. I don't want to feel sad anymore.

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Jen1519 · 16/04/2019 22:16

Believe me - I felt exactly the same. I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up
It does get better I promise
I dreaded Christmas last year all the way up to it - though I actually had a nice Christmas Day in the end. This year I won’t be like that
The first week I lost nearly a stone and cried constantly- I haven’t cried now for 2 months x

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Simonfromharlow · 16/04/2019 23:17

It's great to hear you're feeling better about things now ! Gives me a bit of hope.

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buenavides · 17/04/2019 03:20

It takes time to heal a broken heart, but we need to keep going for the sake of our child.

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Alicewond · 17/04/2019 03:25

How old are you kids? Could you get a job and afford childcare?

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Simonfromharlow · 17/04/2019 07:52

The kids are 7 and nearly 3. I will have to work as part of the terms of the universal credit. My parents are local and have said they will help me where they can. So it should be manageable.

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Simonfromharlow · 18/04/2019 23:33

Today I read a great short book called breaking upwards. I found it very good help process. I'm going to read it a lot I think

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