Hi all, I'm hoping for some advice regarding separated parents and holidays. Whilst I realise this is probably a fairly small issue compared to other peoples situations it is causing me a lot of stress, hence I'm here. I considered going to a 'dad's' forum but figured I'd probably get biased advice and so I thought I'd come here and get some mum's opinions in case I'm the one that's got things wrong in my mind.
A brief backstory is that I separated from my ex 3 1/2 years ago, it was my decision and I won't go into all the reasons but there was no unfaifulness etc. I have 2 children, a 6yr old boy and 12yr old girl and I think the world of them so my decision to leave was incredibly hard. I stayed in the family home for 6 months until I sorted out my own place. About a year after that I met someone new and I'm still in a relationship with them although we still live separately.
My relationship with my ex has been reasonably amicable for the kids, I have them every other weekend, every Saturday (so every saturday but every other weekend I have them for the full weekend), Wednesday's (pick up from school and drop off Thursday at school), and every other Thursday night. On the 'Saturday only' I give the ex a lift to and from work to help out as she doesn't drive. Plus I eat with them a couple of nights a week to see the kids at the ex's house. My work have been accommodating with my hours and I'd love to have the kids more as they mean the world to me but I'm at the very limit of what I can do.
So on to my holiday question of two halves after a lot of waffle (more to come), sorry.
On 3 occasions over previous years we have gone on holiday as a group, both kids, me and the ex. But I'd like to take the kids away on a little holiday by myself, nowhere far really probably a UK holiday and for longer than a weekend. When I have touched on this subject in the past it has come with resistance and I don't really know why. If my ex was to go on a holiday with the kids I would have no issues at all with that. She doesn't drive however and because of this I think she feels she is unable to do these types of things and therefore nor should I as it would be unfair to her. But it's the kids that lose out in my opinion, and me as I'd like the quality time with them. When discreetly suggested the the kids have said they would love a holiday which is no surprise.
Similar to this, I would also like a holiday of my own with my new partner for about a week but probably less due to not having enough holiday allowance through work. Again the idea of this clearly upsets my ex and she hasn't been very happy on the few occasions I've had a weekend away with my partner. Again I think this is due to her thinking it's unfair, or maybe bitterness, by the comments she's made and trying to dictate what I can do, but I could be wrong. She is single but if she wanted a weekend away then fine, why would I have an issue with it. Likewise if she wanted to go to Spain for a week with just a partner then that's fine by me, in fact that's when I could have the kids for a holiday.
My gut feeling is that what I want is perfectly normal and reasonable for both the kids side of things and my own. During the separation I felt new emotions of anxiety and levels of stress I'd never felt before. Now a conversation like this with the ex brings those emotions right to the surface, even the thought of the conversation fills me with anxiety due to how my ex can flare up. I do know however that I need to speak to her about this. I have considered mediation due to the reaction I get but this feels like a step too far for what should be normal things in my opinion, and would change the current reasonably amicable relationship.
This is quite a lengthy essay so my apologies and hope you made it to the end. Any opinions or advice is appreciated whether they be good or bad.
Thanks.
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Divorce/separation
Dad needs some advice on holidays
17 replies
Afterglow78 · 03/04/2019 20:52
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