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Want to leave DP after 15 years - what do I need to know?

(3 Posts)
EnoughAlready999 Wed 20-Mar-19 00:29:17

We have two children (13 & 2) and jointly own our home. He won't leave so I will - my brother has a house I can rent off him. People always say "don't leave, change the locks etc" but I don't feel able to do that plus I don't like this house and want to be near my parents.

Is there any point ringing my solicitor who we used when buying this place?

What about child maintenance? I've said before that I don't want a single penny off the tight bastard if it means I can leave and be happy but I know realistically that I will need money from him.

Just trying to work out where to start cos I have no idea. I am in contact with my local DV charity as he is verbally and emotionally abusive. Very occasionally physical too (damaged my car the other day)

OP’s posts: |
ScrubMyfloors Wed 20-Mar-19 04:46:45

I won’t be much help, but hopefully will bump your post up for people who can.
If you jointly own yes get hold of the solicitor, you’ll need to sell the house to get your share of the money out.
Go to CMS, or whatever it is now, for maintenance.
If he’s already abusive I don’t imagine he’ll be helpful in you leaving or paying for kids.
Keep talking to your local DV service, hopefully they’ll be able to give you more specific advice.
Take care flowers

Graphista Wed 20-Mar-19 05:09:01

Don't use the solicitor you used together.

Get all legal and financial paperwork together. Including his salary.

Get an appointment with a recommended solicitor (either recommended by a trusted friend or women's aid or similar) and go over the legal and financial matters don't get sidetracked talking about the emotional stuff that's what therapists are for.

Take the solicitors advice!

So often women don't follow advice because "he would never do that to me/the children" yes he would! I could tell you some really awful stories.

On that note get a claim in with cms as soon as you split. They only backdate to original claim date so the sooner you claim the better. Even if you eventually decide a private arrangement will work doing this doesn't preclude that biut could well give you some protection/leverage.

Before you give him any idea you're leaving open a new bank account for yourself with a completely different bank to any you use with him - totally different banking group.

Make arrangements for things like child benefit if you're eligible to be paid into that account. You can also move half any shared funds into this account.

Secure any valuables or items of sentimental value he may seek to withhold or destroy.

But above all the main thing to ensure is that you and the children are safe. NOTHING is worth compromising your safety, even sentimental items.

Good luck with it all

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