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Give me hope that this will get better

(9 Posts)
Misty9 Tue 19-Mar-19 22:24:55

In the throes of separating from dh and it's all starting to hit home. I'm feeling very overwhelmed with all the practical aspects which need sorting - I'm leaving and renting a house and childcare will be 50/50 as he's a very involved father and we both work part time. But it's like leaving home again for the first time and the list of stuff I need is overwhelming.

I'm swinging between wanting to throw up and scream! And feel very alone.

Reassure me that this stage passes?!

OP’s posts: |
Justmuddlingalong Tue 19-Mar-19 22:30:50

It does. I remember the panicky feeling. It felt like I was about to jump of a cliff. You will be fine, your kids will be fine. It's the fear of the unknown, but give it time and it will become your new normal. Good luck for the future.

UnRavellingFast Tue 19-Mar-19 22:42:51

Yes this is normal and will pass. I left a year and a half ago and there have been many complications that are not usual - I dealt with it by not thinking of big picture at all, just the next baby step forward. You get there! And it's much less scary.

Nash82 Wed 20-Mar-19 13:15:11

I'm only two weeks in and it feels horrible. Every hour that passes feels like a day. I can't function properly. I'm making sure the house is clean and my children have food, but I can't get excited about doing anything.

I hope this stage passes soon. I keep picturing my wife finding someone else (even though I know she's not looking to do that anytime soon). I feel sick all the time.

Madickenxx Wed 20-Mar-19 15:38:26

I've just done it and was so scared and overwhelmed. I'd been with my STBX pretty much all of my adult life and never rented on my own before. It's fine - I just sorted the rental first. Once that was done I made a list of all the things I needed to do (you can google a moving home list to get you started) and then did one or two each day. Lots can be done online which made it easier. To be honest once I'd made a few phone calls / sorted a few things I realised that it wasn't anywhere near as hard as I thought it would be. I've been in my new home for 3 weeks now and love it! There are still things I need to sort but very few things need to be done on day 1. Good luck and just keep posting if you need help or to vent. Xx

KOKOtiltomorrow Wed 20-Mar-19 17:21:11

@Misty9.....same. I know I don't want to be with H but we've been together nearly 25 years , 2 young adult DC, have lived abroad and travelled extensively. House full of photos, souvenirs, school report cards, kids "firsts", deceased parents stuff......the list is endless. It's such an enormous task.

That said...I am not a hoarder so I am trying to think of it as a massive spring clean before I start my shiny new life. Let's face it, much of this stuff sits in a cupboard and never gets looked at. I chucked out a lot of old hobby stuff of H at the weekend (with his permission - I am still in the family home) and it felt soòoo good - it's been there staring out laughing at me every time i opened the hall cupboard for years!

Can you put on your selfless altruistic hat and think of it as finding everything you possibly can to donate to charity to make the lives of others better. I was going to put lots of stuff to the dump thinking " no one will want this" at least in my middle class world- and mentioned in passing to a colleague whose friend works with refugees. They came round and the friend was ecstatic at what I was throwing out! I was so moved I ended up joining her help group and it's given me a real boost mentally as well.

And yes, it does pass.

Good luck

SixDot941 Wed 20-Mar-19 19:28:01

It passes. The divorce used to take hours and hours a week. Then it was a couple a week. Now the end is neigh (absolute done, consent order signed tomorrow) it's about 30 minutes every couple of months.

Best advice. Do each thing step by step. Only invest emotion in it at the relevant time (ie when each thing comes up) and put it down as soon as you are able. It's tempting to think divorce takes up a lot of time and energy but it doesn't need to. It's all about how much you want to invest in it. Life can move forward, expand and continue while you are getting divorced. It's a thing that's happening not something you become. There will be many happy times in your life through the divorce, count those not the sadnesses and anger that the divorce will bring.

Misty9 Wed 20-Mar-19 22:09:05

Thanks all. The kids are now falling apart sad and despite it being mutual, I'm carrying everything. Good to know it does get better though.

OP’s posts: |
lifebegins50 Wed 20-Mar-19 22:18:45

It definitely does, at first I counted the separation in weeks and then it moved to months and now years.
It takes time to grieve and to make the practical steps. It can feel overwhelming but one step at a time and it gets done.

My DC are rarely sad now and we have lots of laughter. I regret that my marriage had to end but it was the right decision.

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