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Dating while seperated

(8 Posts)
WarlocksAreLocks Sat 16-Mar-19 21:02:15

I've been living apart from stbxh since last summer. He knows that I intend to divorce him (unreasonable behaviour that he doesn't deny) He is aware that it is not temporary.

However he is now aware that I have been dating (in my own time, no meeting the kids or anything like that) and is extremely pissed off and implied that I'm cheating.
Technically, as legally married. But to all intents and purposes we are both single.

Anyone have any wise words for me please. It will probably take at least a couple of years to get divorced, I don't see myself not dating anyone in that time (early 40s)

OP’s posts: |
SkinnyPete Sun 17-Mar-19 13:08:12

You should date, but be aware of the pitfalls of when someone is bitter/angry.

- He could contest the divorce
- He could want to hurt you by disagreeing with child arrangements
- He could try to be less amicable about financial settlement
- All the above could run up a massive legal service bill
- He could just generally make life difficult

Ideally you talk it though civilly and explain like you just said. This might take 12 months plus, and you think it's unreasonable to not think about seeing other people.

WarlocksAreLocks Sun 17-Mar-19 13:19:01

He's not keen on being too civil as he does not wish to divorce sad He is still persistently seeking to reconcile. This is absolutely impossible for me to consider. I have told him this.

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SixDot941 Mon 18-Mar-19 13:21:22

Legally you are commiting adultery. Technically.

I had this bs with my xh. I met someone really quite soon after he asked for a divorce. I wasn't looking but I gave it a chance and I'm glad I did. Xh was very unhappy but my solicitor said as long as I didn't have financial commitments or live with my new partner there was nothing legally he could say or do.

Good for you getting out there and living your life!

WarlocksAreLocks Tue 19-Mar-19 11:03:21

I know it's technically adultery sad
He was seperated from his first wife when we started going out and I was far from the first new girlfriend.
He only got divorced quite a long time into us being 'serious' the bloody hypocrite. I'd totally forgotten until yesterday because it's ancient history (starter marriage no kids)

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FrustratedC0ffeeDrinker Tue 19-Mar-19 11:28:06

I've been separated for 6 months (problems going on for much, much longer). I'm currently waiting for my Decree Nisi to be approved. Divorce takes so long that I'm not prepared to sit and around to wait and date. I'm not going to waste another day, or be controlled by my stbexh. He did find out that I was dating a guy and wasn't happy at all (as to be expected). I didn't tell him I was dating though - not sure how he knew. I think with him finding out that I'm dating, that he's finally accepted it's over. To be honest he was being extremely difficult before he found out I was dating, so personally it hasn't made any difference to me. I couldn't care one iota if I'm technically committing adultery! He cheated on me in the first place, and that's why we are divorcing.

FrustratedC0ffeeDrinker Tue 19-Mar-19 11:29:29

However, I wouldn't do anything that could affect me financially. I'm dating, but nothing serious.

WarlocksAreLocks Tue 19-Mar-19 13:51:32

They'll be no living together etc, I'm not at all convinced I'd ever want to live with another man grin

But quelle surprise, he's now going to reduce maintenance to minimum. Colour me shocked.

OP’s posts: |

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