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Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Divorce/separation

Army pensions

18 replies

stopwining · 15/03/2019 17:04

Hi posting to try and help my lovely mum with the MN wisdom!!

Her husband (not my dad) has left her for another woman, they have been having an affair for some time

It's breaking my heart.... she's so emotional I'm trying to help her with the logistics and practical things and wondering if anyone can help.

Her ex is receiving an army pension, however was not married to my mum while in the army.

Will she be entitled to any of it?

OP posts:

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mpsw · 15/03/2019 17:16

No idea - it probably depends which pension he receives.

Best for her to contact Veterans UK and ask for advice on her individual circumstances

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custardtarts · 15/03/2019 18:55

As they're not married I don't think she can claim it? How long were they together?
If I'm being honest I find it a bit distasteful going after people's hard earned pensions especially when they weren't together during the duration it was earnt....

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Baby1onboard11 · 15/03/2019 19:00

Well they’re married so it all goes in the pot to be split was my understanding? Not sure as he worked for kt before they got together... But I also agree with the pp. they weren’t together when he earned that pension. I understand she must be incredibly hurt but have more self respect than that.

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GoGoGadgetGin · 15/03/2019 19:04

Is this not something her lawyer would look at? How long was he in the army and how long were they married? Does she have any pension or assets of her own?

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UnderHerEye · 15/03/2019 19:19

OP why on earth would she be entitled to any of her ex’s army pension if she wasn’t with him when he served?

Did your mum give up her own career so they could live together and not have their family life impacted too much by multiple moves ?

DId she move round frequently having to constantly leave friends behind and move on and make new ones ?

Did she have to go through having her DH deployed for 6 months at a time on multiple tours?

If the answer to these is no then she is a cheeky fucker to even contemplate asking for it !

(And no she isn’t entitled to any of it in law either)

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stopwining · 15/03/2019 20:04

Oh wow wasn't expecting such a negative response I'm sorry - I'm just interested in what the rules are that's all, as she's trying to figure out if she can afford to keep the house she loves.
They are married, been together 20 years.

FWIW as I understand it in his last divorce settlement his ex-wife had the equity in the house in lieu of rights to his pension so it was all done fairly. If he died my mum would get part of the pension on widows pensions so we were just seeking to understand what happens with divorce. She isn't trying to be greedy in any way, just trying to understand her position

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GoGoGadgetGin · 15/03/2019 21:08

Does she have nothing of her own? Pension/assets? Bit grim to be thinking 'well if he died l'd get something'!

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oldfatandtired1 · 15/03/2019 22:35

If she’s been married for 20 years she’s not a cheeky fucker at all! OP - everything goes in the pot. House, savings, his pensions, her pensions. The best thing she can do is make an appointment with a good family solicitor.

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stopwining · 15/03/2019 22:46

Thank you oldandtired I really appreciate your words. It's w tough time for us all as a family and I just want to find some way to help her, her life has been turned upside down. She will seem solicitor advice, I want to try and find out as much info as possible for her beforehand to make the most out of her time

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UnderHerEye · 15/03/2019 22:47

I stand by my comment OP it is cheeky to expect to benefit from the Army pension when it is designed to support the families who have put up with supporting their spouse through the army!
However as it’s your mum of course you are only looking out for what’s best for her. Army pensions have to be signed over if it’s not going to the NOK so if your mums ex doesn’t sign it over then she won’t get anything. (Its also worth mentioning OP that if your mums exH didn’t serve his full time (22 years +) then it won’t be much of a pension anyway)

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oldfatandtired1 · 15/03/2019 23:07

OP’s mum’s STBX won’t have a choice about handing over part of his pension if a judge orders a pension share (which he may well do after a 20 year marriage). My ex didn’t want to give me any of his 400k pension pot, judge disagreed and awarded me half as well as 90% of the house . . . We don’t know what other assets there are and their value. It may be the pension share is set against house equity and Mum keeps the house, he keeps pension. But it ALL goes in the
pot. Rereading, it sounds like he’s already in receipt of the pension, he may have to pay maintenance out of it . . We just don’t know. The lady needs good legal advice, she has had a long marriage and deserves her fair share of the joint marital assets.

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GoGoGadgetGin · 15/03/2019 23:17

So if theyve been married 20 years and she was never with him while he served, did he actually serve long enough to get a pension worth quibbling about? Although he could have joined 16 left at 40ish married then are in their 60s? Still agree is wrong that she wants it. She was not with him in the time that he earned it and did not put up with the stress, loneliness of being a forces wife and the constant fear that something would happen on deployment.

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stopwining · 15/03/2019 23:44

I don't disagree with you dontdont, his first wife who had all that stress of him being away, benefitted from the pension from her divorce in terms of accepting house equity in lieu, and if he married the new woman she will benefit from the widows pension side so where does it end? If you knew my mum she is the kindest loveliest person ever, she isn't malicious ah all, just wants to know where she stands legally in amongst all this pain.

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stopwining · 15/03/2019 23:45

Go go not don't don't

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GoGoGadgetGin · 16/03/2019 08:28

stop does she have a lawyer yet? She could try checking with army pension service l think they are still based in Kentigern House in Glasgow. I think until it's known exactly whats in the total joint pot it would be hard for anyone to say!

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UnderHerEye · 16/03/2019 15:13

The service you are referring to are Veterans UK and the OPs mum won’t be entitled to the specific information- she may request general information but she won’t be given figures unless she is awarded the pension share.

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mpsw · 16/03/2019 15:24

I linked Veterans UK earlier in the thread.

As he's been out >20 years, he was probably on me of the earlier schemes, information on which may not be readily available online.

It will help her/her solicitor to get an answer on the parameters for splitting a pension that is already being paid (if it can be done at all, the rules have changed on that several times) if she knows which pension scheme, whether officer or other rank , and for how long he served (did he get an immediate pension after 16 or 22 (?) years? Or later?).

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stopwining · 16/03/2019 17:08

Thanks so much for all the advice - I checked out the link before posting but it wasn't too clear, I guess your right it's just changed many times over the years.
She isn't quite ready to speak to a solicitor yet but it sounds like it's something they need to look into with there being so many variables! I wasn't sure if there was a firm rule for this situation but seems that is not the case. He did his 22 years, straight from leaving school at 16.
Thank you so much to all those that have replied, I really appreciate it!! I just want to help my mum in any way I can