Experiences of mediation - please share

[FauxJoMalaux]

Hello,

Just seeking experiences of mediation. Currently having very angst ridden initial weeks breaking up with husband.

Will mediation cover finances and childcare arrangements. Do we need to go together? I can’t stand to be around him and can’t envisage a time when I will again.
It’s all so messy horrible and stressful.
Will mediation help me get through this? Is it a precursor to divorce?

I haven’t a clue about splitting with a husband, child care arrangements or joint finances. And haven’t the energy - I’m exhausted from crying, worrying, trying to keep everything normal for Dc. It’s all a mess.

Thanks

[Manaskingforadvice]

Had to go through it as part of the financial process. Ex wife refused to talk directly, even on Skype, so the mediator was passing on messages. We ended up in court. It's a complete waste of time unless both parties are genuinely committed to finding a resolution cooperatively.
The other problem is the lawyer doing the mediation is not able to give any opinion. What you want is someone to let you know AIBU. Or to say, while I can't give advice, in my experience such and such is what a judge would usually say. They don't.

[numbbrain]

Mediation for us was just someone taking all the financial information we gave her and putting it on a whiteboard and eventually into a spreadsheet.

Then EXH took 1.5 years to do anything with it from his side, so it's all out of date now.

[spritesobright]

I think it's a total waste of time unless you're very evenly matched in terms of power and capital.
STBXH basically used it as a way to bully me and demand an unfair settlement.
Luckily I found the strength to say no and went back to my solicitor.
In my experience the mediator is unconcerned about what's fair or 'right' and just wants an agreement.

[apparentlyso]

I didn't go down the route of mediation as my ex refused to engage with the process - but I am glad I couldn't use that route, as I think that he would have used it as a way of bullying me and prolonging the process.
I assume mediation could only work in the instance in which the two opposing people were both invested in trying hard to make it work to avoid court.
In my case I think it would have been more stress and money down the drain because of the relationship with my ex has broken down so utterly.

[FauxJoMalaux]

Thanks all. It doesn’t sound like it would help us. Just out of interest how soon after splitting did you move to mediation?

[spritesobright]

We did mediation about a month after separating but looking back it was still raw and probably too early.
You do need to get some kind of financial and custody agreement in place though.