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Ex husband his gfriend and my son

(13 Posts)
Moonandme Mon 18-Feb-19 21:07:34

Hi all im
Newley divorvced (was my decision) asked for divorce in april ex had nee GF by june intorduced to our son by Sept and now living with him. Have had a few conversations with the exs gfriend at various tricky points (he introduced her without telling me) and she has sworn down the phone at me. Forgave that and had a “three way” chat with both of them a montn ago to say look lets move forward etc and all has been OK. She doesnt have kids and so I dont think gets the sensititvities of getting used to sharing care of ur child.. espec when there is another woman involved (her). My ex is to be honest pretty immature and i think still bitter we broke up. Therefore I think his agenda is probably weighted towards “punsihing me” for my decision and choice to leave. Today i got a message from
My ex saying “ Just to give you the heads up, ive got to go into work thursday morning, so GF will have our son for a short while until im back. Are you therefore going to drop him wed night when im there or thursday morning to GF? Im easy, totally upto you?” Sorry but im not ready for this. He has parental rights like me and we share child care but i feel this is over stepping the mark. Anyone had any experience of this? I dont think there is much i can do legally but i feel a bit worried. My son means the world to me and sharing him
With exH and GF is really hard. Please help

OP’s posts: |
Moonandme Mon 18-Feb-19 21:08:31

Sorry just to add. I feel like indont want to lose my rship with my son. I find her being so involved really hard

OP’s posts: |
Moonandme Mon 18-Feb-19 21:16:57

Anyone? Has anyone come out the other side of this.

OP’s posts: |
Lonecatwithkitten Tue 19-Feb-19 02:56:15

Deep breath, I would stick to whatever your original arrangement was. Bright and breezy of the outside and tell your son to have a great time.

Justagirlwholovesaboy Tue 19-Feb-19 03:04:42

As a step parent who was once a new woman, I hope she will do everything she can to reassure you. But it’s not her fault, she’s not doing this for fun, she’s offering to try

Redglitter Tue 19-Feb-19 03:06:38

I agree. Its hard but un fortunately it's something youre going to have to get used to. On the plus side at least your ex texted you to give you the heads up. Sounds like hes acknowledging that its difficult for you.

You're not going to lose your relationship with your son just because hes spending time with someone else

happyasasandboy Tue 19-Feb-19 03:26:30

You won't lose your relationship with your son because he has a relationship with other people too, I promise. He can (and will) develop more and more relationships as he grows, and he'll just add them to his collection without the new ones damaging the old ones.

Unless you have concerns about your sons safety with the girlfriend, or think he will be distressed at being left with her, I think you will need to accept that things like this will happen. If you can build a relationship with this woman you will make it easier on yourself and your son in the long run, and send a clear message to your ex that he can't punish you because you don't mind about his new relationship.

I understand it's tough, really tough, to let someone else into your sons life. Managing the adult relationships around him with minimal confrontation is a really supportive thing you can do to help your son manage the separation.

Take care

eve34 Tue 19-Feb-19 08:05:53

I know how hard this is. Ex left and moved in with ow 12 weeks later. I moved straight to eow and over nights. As it needed to be done and routine established. She had been at Day contact from day one. So there was no point pretending otherwise.

Both my parent remarried. And they are good people. But neither replaced my biological parents. They are just extended grown ups in my family. Like aunts and uncles. And when I talk to my children about dads gf. I always say how lovely it is to have so many grown ups that care for them.

It isn't an easy situation for you. I would drop off Wednesday night to his dad and try not to think about it.

zippey Tue 19-Feb-19 08:11:09

You ex’s message to you is very considerate and engaging. Your son will have lots of relationships with lots of people. Yours with your son will be one of the most important.

Spanglyprincess1 Tue 19-Feb-19 08:11:34

It's hard it must be. But at least she's trying and tbh he's trying as he did trll you about it. Provided your son is loved and safe then that's all that matters. She will be like another aunt or childminder or nice teacher to him. You are always his mum !

allnewredfairy Tue 19-Feb-19 08:20:22

If you've had a three way conversation and agreed to find a way forward I would see this as a start. Gf is likely to be a permanent fixture in your DS's life and a morning with her sounds like a gentle start. Further down the line you may find yourself biting her hand off to get an evening to yourself. I totally get how you feel and have been in the same position but you need to keep focussed on your ideal outcome of having a happy son that gets through the separation of his parents relatively unscathed and is living in a loving home both at your and Ex's. You will always be mum and are irreplaceable.

MrsBertBibby Tue 19-Feb-19 13:04:06

How old is your son, and how does he feel about it?

I have been in my step sons' lives since they were very young and they are 14 and 11 now. They trust me, we have a good time, they recognise me as a vaguely parentish person and I love the pair of them, but I am not on the same planet as their actual parents as far as they are concerned. Don't be afraid, the least likely outcome of all this is you losing your baby.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon Tue 19-Feb-19 13:09:16

Ime getting along with the new gf pisses the exh off much more than giving grief.....
And it's win win for your ds.

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