Hello, not sure where to start.... but hubby left Monday. I feel numb. I have 4 young children and just meeting their needs seems epic right now. So over the last 4-5 years my hubby has smoked week in the garage, every. Damn. night (not ok by me). Drinking has escalated from being more dependant to before Christmas he told me he was having 75lc vodka just before he arrived home. He has spent every night for at least 4 years stoned from 7 pm onwards (fortunately the kids are asleep by then), but ta the weekends he is wanting drink or weed by 2/3 pm and is angry and agitated. He’s toxic really. My oldest is 7 and I’m fearful that he will start to understand the weird smell at night (I’m so ashamed by husband does this and that I haven’t kicked him out sooner). My dad passed away, he was stoned more and didn’t help a bit, he doesn’t support my self employment (for me to be sahm), always criticising, can’t cook, everyone thinks I’m awful apparently. There have been a few violent incidents lately and all along really.....but what kills me and scares me for the sake of our sweet children it’s the mostly verbal barrages..... but I cannot live like this. So since my 18 mo old was born (he barely helps with the kids, probably done 5-10 nappies in each child’s life, I’ve breastded each for 18 months so of course I get the blame for him not helping) So I’ve been asking him over 18 months to stop or leave..... to the point that he’s ruined every holiday by shouting by day and then being stoned every evening....by Christmas I found diazepam (not prescribed), Cocaine (!!!!!!) and that he’d gambled a few grand (were hand to mouth so this is a big deal plus the mental health and the £50-100 he’s spending on weed every month!!!). I called the nspcc and refuge as he went for my oldest when he was having tantantrun and smashed our external back door on Christmas Eve......they all agreed he’s given me enough to run with.....which gave me confidence of ofllow through with me setting boundaries for his unacceptable behaviour.
So he has an air b n b and is still going to work (has a good job- no one knows about his addictions, he’d lose his job if they did) for 2/3 weeks......
The thing is ..... I’m slightly numb and scared, but mostly I’m ok......I’ve not told any friends as I kind of have shut myself away, got my head down with raising kids and keeping these big fat secrets (above)......so although I don’t think people would be surprised.....they actually don’t know.
What are my rights? What should I do, who to speak to?? Should I apply for universal credit?? I feel I don’t want him back unless he’s totally clean and dry......to be honest I don’t think he can without professional help. So I feel I can uphold my moral view on not having him back on those grounds......but I don’t trust hims with our children.
So does a drug addict get custody? How does that work? I want him to be a great dad but until he’s dry and sober I don’t want him having any kind of unsupervised access.....am I allowed to say that?? I’ve no idea but to me it would seem common sense.....Are children only safe once something bad happens to breach safeguarding???? Surely not?? But I’ve no idea who to ask and I live in such a small close knit community everyone knows everyone........ and also I’m not telling my friends (getting support) because I’m too scared of hiw the stigma of having a drug addict, alcoholic as a dad will impact my 4 young kids. So so scared......can anyone help me get some clarity here?? Many thanks.. xx
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.
Divorce/separation
😔 my Husband addicted to alcohol and drugs, volatile has left... 4 young children HELP
5 replies
BettyCrocker007 · 09/02/2019 19:58
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.