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How to get DH to leave

(11 Posts)
JammyC Tue 05-Feb-19 10:58:46

I’ve posted a few times before over the past year. I finally feel like I’m at the brink of asking DH to leave. Long story short we don’t like each other any more, most conversations are about kids logistics or arguing. He is EA and often swears at me (been called a c* many many times), threatens to “smash the house up”, threatens to take the kids to his mums 2hrs away. I’ve now seen a solicitor and he feels I have a very strong case to divorce for unreasonable behaviour and thinks I’ll be able to prove I’m the primary carer and get residency for the kids. House is in my sole name anyway as DH has a rubbish credit history. Weekends are hell as we are avoiding each other essentially but living in the same house. I want to split but don’t see why me and the kids (5 and 9mths) should move out. I know he’s entitled to half the assets but my solicitor assured me that would be when my youngest is out of full time education.

How do I get him to move out? Previously I’ve suggested a trial separation and he’s flatly refused. Not because he wants to make it work with me but because he knows how good he has it living in my house. We bumble along like colleagues and then have ridiculous arguments which turn nasty. I need to get the toxic atmosphere sorted at home for the kids.

OP’s posts: |
LostwithSawyer Tue 05-Feb-19 17:33:46

House is in your name you can legally change the locks.
Didn't the solicitor tell you that?
I'd ask him to leave. If he refuses say nothing and change the locks tomorrow when he's at work. Pack up his crap and leave it outside.

Itsnotme123 Tue 05-Feb-19 17:41:21

I agree with lostwithSawyer, and at the Same time give him petition for Divorce. I’d be worried that he would try and break in, smash windows or something .

Gina2012 Tue 05-Feb-19 19:02:55

Tiddleypops Tue 05-Feb-19 20:38:28

The link posted above explains about changing locks. Because the house is a marital asset (despite being in your sole name), he doesn't have to move out even if you ask him to.

I'm in a similar position. It took me ages to pick up the courage, but at the end of the day I just had to tell him I wanted him to go. He dug his heels in, and so now I'm divorcing him. I think what helped me get round to having 'that' conversation, was to have a plan in place ready (ie if he agrees, great, he goes and we then progress with divorce, if he disagrees and/or becomes unreasonable, progress with divorce). It meant I could take action, regardless of what he responded with.

WetWipesGoInTheBin Tue 05-Feb-19 20:53:53

If he's abusive and threatening violence against you and your children then talk to your solicitor about getting an occupational order.

JenniferJareau Tue 05-Feb-19 20:56:28

As he is your husband, does that mean you can't legally make him leave? I assume the solicitor said that?

JammyC Wed 06-Feb-19 10:34:40

Thanks all. Yes although the house is in my name my solicitor explained it is a marital asset. We cohabited for many years before buying the house then getting married. Couldnt put him on the mortgage due to his credit history but he has paid half towards it.

Solicitor said the only legal way to get him out would be to divorce him and then once the decree absolute comes through he would have no right to live in the house as it’s in my name. He does have rights to the equity which we would have to negotiate a split and date for (when youngest is 18 hopefully).

I guess I’m just scared to have the conversation. Also he has zero savings to move into a flat himself, everything is in my name in the household pot. He would have to sleep on a mates sofa or something or I will need to give him some money towards deposits and fees etc to move into a rental property.

OP’s posts: |
MissedTheBoatAgain Thu 07-Feb-19 03:33:43


Interesting as very different to what I was told by both Police and Solicitor in 2014. Maybe Law has changed since then?

My wife called police to get her daughter removed from the house. Before police arrived they had established that house and mortgage was in my sole name. They told wife that as Owner of the house I could request the police to remove her from the house.

I did not believe it at the time, but policewoman confidently gave wife her details and challenged her to seek advice of Solicitor. However, my own solicitor confirmed that what police had said was correct.

Also courts would not issue the Decree Nisi as we both had same address. So I moved out to get Divorce moving. Maybe that has changed too?

Good luck

LivingInLondonTown Sun 17-Feb-19 00:02:40

Hi JammyC, I sympathise, it sounds like a nasty situation. I don't know how to get husband to leave either. He is staying here whilst I pay all the bills. He shops for food but utility bills and mortgage are down to me. We had a 15 year marriage, so although I paid the deposit for house and have paid mortgage and have a deed of trust saying it is 3/4 mine 1/4 his I think the house is considered to be a shared asset now.

We also have a 1 bed flat nearby. Husband is out tonight (as is every Saturday until sunday morning or midday) and I have served notice to tenant as can't cope with insomnia i suffer every Saturday/sunday and impact it has on my Sunday/Monday.

I am suggesting we do 1 week in flat and 1 week in house and alternate. So kids get continuity of staying in family home.

Kids are aged between 15 and 12) I have done vast majority of childcare I have suggested doing 50/50 split of time between both parents. This is way to prove he can’t actually cope children and it is only way to get him out of the house.
What I would prefer to do is serve divorce papers and ask him to move into flat whilst we work out legalities? But What do I do if he refuses to go? This suggestion might make him not move out at all. Really confused and ground down by it all. We are co-existing like flatmates that don't like each other. one leaves room when the other enters.It's a real mess and the tension isn't good for any of us.
Just to complicate things the sharing flat/house isn't supposed to work as we head for divorce because citizens advice pointed out we need a "clean break" and i can see the logic as we are way beyond being able to share anything now. I don't expect you to be able to answer this JammyC but wondering if anyone else reading this can see a better solution to the one we are currently going for?

ThunderThighs123 Tue 05-Mar-19 22:31:43

OP - I’m just coming out of very similar situation. I dreaded what would happen, but it all passed off quite smoothly. He went to stay with family.

Could your STBXH not stay with friends or family in the short term? Surely he’s got someone who would take piton him. Failing that, a cheap B&B might be worth it in the short term. At least you’d both have some breathing space.

Best wishes flowers

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