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Turning point - don't know what to do

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confusedmuch81 Mon 28-Jan-19 13:03:00

Wondering if anyone has had a similar situation or can offer any advice. I've been married for 10 years, been together for 18. He's a great dad, works hard and does his fair share of domestic duties (I work full time and longer hours etc). We have two lovely children, girl 9, boy 6. Since I first met DH when we were seventeen he has smoked weed. Not a massive issue when we were younger though really not my thing but we are now 37 (we got together properly at 21). Then when daughter was born he got a new job that required drugs testing so he gave it up. He couldn't give it up for long though and got a surprise drug test 4 years into the job and lost it, we had to lie to family. He thought I would leave then as at the time I thought he'd given up. Anyway long story short, since then he supposedly kept giving it up, I kept finding it and he'd say it was one offs etc made me think I was crazy if I questioned him. Last Feb after finding it yet again he finally admitted he hadn't really given it up and had it stashed down the garage behind a wall and would have one when I was at work late, out etc. We nearly finished there and then but I couldn't quite bring myself to do it. He admitted he couldn't give it up and would likely end up lying again so we agreed to see how it went with him only having at certain times (when kids not around, when I'm not there and limited the frequency, like once a week) and that he would let me know when he did and I could say if it got too much. This has worked ok but definitely frequency has increased, now more like two or three times a week and I did find out middle of last year he was still sneaking some in. Anyway trust totally broken and now other things that were bothering me are becoming a much bigger deal. I dont' like the way he talks to me, it always seems like I'm annoying him. He interrupts when I am disciplining the kids (we are currently not talking over one such incident over homework yesterday and I had the audacity to tell him he shouldn't interrupt when I'm dealing with it so he sulked for the rest of the day and then didn't want to talk about it last night so I went to bed). He never shows any physical affection, I was upset over something last week (I rarely cry) and though he was comforting no hug was forthcoming, we have sex twice a month max and my drive is definitely more than his. He never says I love you unless I am away, I've stopped saying it now. It just feels like he doesn't want to be there but when I say it to him he adamantly denies it and says he wants more than anything to be together. We have seen a marriage counselor but wasn't much help, she just kept saying the same things and he wasn't particularly open with her. I don't know if this enough to end our marriage and disrupt our childrens childhood, they are very family orientated and love our days out and time together, I hate to think what it would do to them. But on the other hand I feel so unhappy and don't see how anything is going to improve. Any thoughts/advice/experience would be greatly appreciated.

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