Mesher order issues

[Followmedown]

Hi all, hope you might be able to help with this one.

I am hoping to move house somewhere cheaper in the near future but will not be able to do the same level of childcare as I do now, in fact only weekends and school holidays potentially.

Two of my three children are usually unwilling to come to my house anyway (they are teenagers).

I have a mesher order on the house with the usual trigger points but now I'm planning to move my ex doesn't want the responsibility of looking after the children more and is planning to sell the house. I won't be able to buy anything like the same quality of house in the same area to house them when she, as she says, moves into a small flat with our daughter and turns the care of our two sons over to me. I don't own a house.

My understanding was that the deal we made at the divorce was to provide a home for the children but she wants to force a sale so she can live virtually mortgage free while I struggle to house myself, my wife and two boys. Any thoughts or suggestions gratefully received!

[ourkidmolly]

What foes the order actually say? How can she sell over your head? That doesn't make sense?

[Followmedown]

That I get a charge on the house, 21pc of sale, and that is triggered when youngest child finishes full time education, or if ex cohabits. However that charge was never enacted (she refused to sign) and I was never taken off the mortgage ( she said the bank wouldn't let me come off as she couldn't remortgage on her own at the time).

[MrsBertBibby]

How are they going to live with you if they won't even visit?

You need to see a solicitor for proper advice

[Followmedown]

Thanks, yes solicitors at dawn by the look of it. The children do spend half their time with me but the boys especially often go to hers, say, after school and I have to tell them to come to mine so she doesn't kick off.

[TearingUpMyHeart]

You could always offer to move into the house and look after the boys there instead?

Your actual issue of course is that you are trying to drop the kids/your childcare responsibilities and run away. Your ex is pointing this out to you.

[Flower64]

I'm not sure if I have misunderstood but it appears that you currently have 50/50 with your children, and you've decided you need to do less - (btw its not childcare looking after your own children) - and you don't want your ex to sell up and give you the percentage that you agreed to? Im not clear what you are asking for help with.

[JaesseJexaMaipru]

Sheesh your poor kids. Seriously having two parents fighting over which of them has to put up with you because neither wants you. I can't imagine anything worse. What utterly shit parenting. They are being set up for a lifetime of abandonment issues. Nasty.

As pp says. Being the person who looks after your own kids is not childcare. It is being a parent. A decent parent wants ideally to maximise their time with their children but responsibly forfeits some of that because it's in the child's best interests. Both you and your ex are each putting your own financial interests above the emotional and practical wellbeing of your children. Shame on you both.

[Followmedown]

Right. Nice of everyone who rushed to judgment. I have offered to look after the children in the house. She refused. I can't afford to buy a house which will fit everyone nearby. As I think I said the kids are getting to the point where they don't want to bounce between two houses every week. If I moved I'd pay maintenance plus have offered to have the children weekends plus school holidays.
I've had to involve police as she sends 20-30 abusive emails to me every day. But hey, yes I'm abandoning my kids.

[apparentlyso]

Why don't your children want to see you?

[TearingUpMyHeart]

What's the issue with her plan? Obviously sounds a bit crap for the kids to be separated, but if you currently have the boys 50:50 anyway, not too much change for them in their life

You could get a flat as well I guess, boys in together?

[abbsisspartacus]

You sound rather defensive and that is a drip feed try reading your first post with strangers eyes and see how you come across