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Help can anyone offer support - children and safety

(15 Posts)
Changeisahead Sat 26-Jan-19 22:59:21

So today my oldest had a serious accident, ended up being taken to casualty in an ambulance, they are okay thank goodness. I wasn't with her, and my Ex went to hospital

My Ex didn't even ring me at the time, of the incident he sent an email and number of hours later, how you would deal with this?

My Ex has asked for 50/50 shared care I feel very very uncomfortable due to this and other incidents resulting in the police being called and incidents being logged with the police.

I also feel very uncomfortable with any time my children spend with my ex now, anything could happen to them and it would be hours before I knew anything about it.

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Changeisahead Sun 27-Jan-19 08:23:09

anyone got any thoughts please

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Notwhoyouthink35 Sun 27-Jan-19 08:28:31

He absolutely should have phoned you ASAP after the accident. Is it possible he was trying to save you the initial fright of hearing that she is being blue lighted to hospital? Maybe he thought that an email saying ‘such and such happened but don’t worry she’s home now and fine’ would be easier for you.

It’s hard to say anything about the 50/50 access without further information. Based on the hospital incident, I personally don’t think that is a reason to deny 50/50 but I don’t know what else has went on.

Are you concerned for their safety?

Greaterthanthesumoftheparts Sun 27-Jan-19 08:29:57

That sounds tough, but I think you need to separate some of the feelings here.

First, was the accident an accident or due to neglect? I’f it really was an accident it could just have easily have happened under your watch and therefore not a reason to stop contact.

I agree that it’s shit that exDH didn’t tell you about the accident at the time,my DHs ex-wife does this with DSS. On one occasion he was in hospital for days and we didn’t know about it until after he was home. However, it doesn’t make them a bad parent, just a bad exDH/W. Accidents are thankfully going to be very rare. Instead of focusing on worrying about not being informed can you work on getting him
To gradually share a bit more info? We found one way to do this was to give more info ourselves. A bit of giving can sometimes encourage the other parent to share more too.

BingisaweeArse Sun 27-Jan-19 08:32:16

Accidents happen no matter how careful you are!! I wouldn't be overly concerned by that but I'd be very upset at the fact that I'd only been emailed hours later. Would you notify him immediately in the same situation?

I'm with the other poster. Are you concerned with their safety and if so why?

Changeisahead Sun 27-Jan-19 08:50:42

Okay, I perhaps didn't explain properly think I know the story but of course you don't.

It was a sporting accident whilst the child was doing an activity.
the reason my ex didn't call me was due to control. I don't think my X did anything to the child.

I think my X was incompetent to not call me, if any of your children were in a car accident or something similar as this was I guess you would want to know this was a similar thing.

I am not sure there is any excuse, as since being home he has again not shared an of the accident information, I have asked him but he has not given the information.

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NorthernSpirit Sun 27-Jan-19 13:57:10

Agree with other posters here. You need to break this down.

If it was an accident it could of happened on your time - it’s not neglect and is that really a reason to stop more contact?

Yes - you should of been informed of the accident. It’s what any normal person would do.

My OH’s EW has done this - SD broke her arm last year and the first my OH heard of it was several hours later when the mother posted a picture of a cast on a Whatsogroup the dad just happened to be on. Disgusting behaviour but her control and bitterness is all consuming.

Doyoumind Sun 27-Jan-19 14:01:59

In theory if there are any medical decisions being made you have a right to a say. Emailing rather than calling or texting shows the intent was to keep you in the dark.

If he's asking for 50:50 and you don't agree you could let it go to mediation and/or court.

Changeisahead Sun 27-Jan-19 14:32:43

yes that was my thoughts his whole reason was to keep me in the dark its control and manipulation all the time. he is playing with our children's lives and using them. Any normal person would call why wouldn't you. He fuels my oldest, they just said well that how you communicate with Daddy. The face he even spoke to the child about us not contacting each other is appalling Constant games at the children expenses.

No I don't agree with 50/50 things have already been escalated and mediation. and probably court

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Changeisahead Sun 27-Jan-19 14:41:41

What I don't also understand is that the school told me they legally have to inform me and his dad equally, but when my kid went to hospital he was there hours whilst no on told me.

why does they law seem to protect violence abuse men and very turn.

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Doyoumind Sun 27-Jan-19 14:42:24

If it goes to court just use it as evidence that he's not putting dc's interests first. After an accident a child will want their parent to know and to be able to speak to them.

Changeisahead Sun 27-Jan-19 14:45:00

yes agreed but they are a teenager and his excuse will be they didn't need me just him. Will the court not say it didn't effect the kids interests all it was doing was effecting mine which was the aim.

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spongedog Sun 27-Jan-19 14:50:24

Just to comment that my ex complained that I hadnt let him know immediately when our DC was off school sick. I explained as politely as I could that my priority was to deal with the sick child and that communication was a lower priority. So in terms of your OP - the child is being dealt with at hospital - you dont discuss distances in your post so perhaps it wasnt local to you - but I imagine your ex was busy dealing with medical staff, coping with his DD and her wishes and needs and dealing with his own feelings of upset and concern.

Doyoumind - the child had a parent there who was dealing with it. There is no evidence he was not putting the child's interest first.

Doyoumind Sun 27-Jan-19 14:57:07

Sending an email rather than a text or phoning is evidence he didn't want her to know, spongedog. Perhaps you don't have experience of this kind of person.

If the child is a teenager then the court are going to take their views into account and an order may not be enforceable anyway.

Changeisahead Sun 27-Jan-19 15:37:10

Believe me he did it to control and make sure I didn't know what was going on! he went in the car not the ambulance he had plenty of time to tell me what was going on.

Its okay I noted it. It may not matter with my teenager but it shows what sort of person he is to the court with my 6 year old.

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