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People never getting divorced.

(19 Posts)
madcatladyforever Sat 26-Jan-19 07:36:45

Why are people not getting divorced?
I know loads of people still married 10 or more years are leaving their husbands. It's insane.
I was shocked to just find out that my son's long term partner of 8 years is still married to her ex. She doesn't even know where he is. i am appalled as I was just about to help them buy their first house.
There is no way I'm giving her any money if she's still married! Her ex could pop up and claim some of it.
She says they never got round to it because they couldn't afford it and then the years just went on.
Surely you can get divorced without your husbands agreement after 5 years of being separated? Just a matter of signing a few papers. I can't imagine it costs that much surely?
Does amyne know what the procedure is?

OP’s posts: |
madcatladyforever Sat 26-Jan-19 07:37:28

After leaving their husbands

OP’s posts: |
NicoAndTheNiners Sat 26-Jan-19 07:56:15

Friend of mine is going through this atm. They separated over 5 years ago and never got around to divorcing. They sorted the money split out themselves and there were no kids. She's now decided she wants to get divorced and he's decided he wants to get back together! You're right that after 5 years she can divorce him even if he doesn't consent to it, no idea what the procedure is if the h is awol.

However it is costing my friend money. She had to hand £500 upfront to her solicitor the other week and that was like a deposit even though it should be straightforward as no money type arguements.

I did say to my friend I thought she should be able to do it simply herself with a form for less money but she'd rather let a solicitor handle stuff. Her solicitor did tell her btw that if she wanted to go after her h for more money she would be entitled to. That she had a claim on half of anything he'd accumulated over the last 5 years. Your son would be very unwise to buy a house with this woman until she's divorced as her h could try and get some money from any profit in the house if they were to finally get divorced in say another 5 years.

lubeybooby Sat 26-Jan-19 08:24:07

Took me 10 years

I was too scared to do it and claim my interest in the property (he was abusive and would be furious) while I still lived in the same town as him, and I was bound to the town by not being able to afford moving costs, plus an anxious DD who I couldn't bring myself to take away from her friends and support network

I bided my time, built up my business, saved, and when DD left for university, I moved faaaaaar away and have now had the nisi through having got the settlement I wanted

lubeybooby Sat 26-Jan-19 08:25:55

oh and he wouldn't do it even once when I offered to do it without solicitors unless I paid the whole court costs. He was earning double what I did and had no dependants. That's how furiously tight he is. Twat.

lubeybooby Sat 26-Jan-19 08:30:19

oh and it's cost me about £2000 altogether but could have run into a lot more if he had fought the settlement - thankfully his solicitor seems to have advised him to accept it given how ridiculously reasonable I was being. Whole thing was based on 5 years separation

If there are no finacial matters that need sorting you can do it without solicitors for £500/600

Enigmam Sat 26-Jan-19 09:22:16

I've been separated for 8 years. I chose to go for a divorce after 5 years separation as when I chose to leave my marriage my EXH didn't take it well, it's worked for me as I felt that waiting would take the sting out of it all and allow us to be amicable. I'm doing it myself as we have managed to sort out arrangements about our DC between the two of us, we had no property and have dealt with finances. Thankfully it's all going smoothly so far apart from the massive backlog at the courts.

AndTheSkyWasAllViolet Sat 26-Jan-19 19:00:54

A friend of mine has been separated from her husband for 10 years and is with someone else now. She'd love to get divorced but she doesn't know where her husband is to start proceedings/deliver the papers. She wants to move on with her life but she can't until she knows where he's at. I am unsure if there's a way around that. If anyone knows, I'll let her know.

lovealab Sat 26-Jan-19 20:52:20

If she can show the court that she has made all reason efforts to trace her Husband with no luck, then she can apply to have the divorce proceed without his input, I think its called "Deemed Service".......after all, she doesn't need his consent for a divorce after 5 years

lovealab Sat 26-Jan-19 20:52:46

reasonable efforts

madcatladyforever Sun 27-Jan-19 09:09:12

It's all so complicated even after the 5 years is up. My son and his partner are so fed up with it all they can't be bothered to change the status quo but I said they absolutely must if they are buying a house together.

OP’s posts: |
ragged Sun 27-Jan-19 09:14:09

I knew a gal did this for fear he would take half her money (she'd have to sell their jointly owned home to pay him off). He was long gone, & had substance abuse problems, she was hoping he would just die & she'd be free.

Can any divorce cost less than £2k?

MaybeDoctor Sun 27-Jan-19 09:28:41

You might feel impatient about it in your son’s situation, but it doesn’t mean that people who do this are wrong.

Some people want to stay married for religious reasons.
Some people have a socially conservative family.
Some people just don’t want to go through the process.

Personally I think that the sooner we introduce a divorce without the need to state unreasonable behaviour, the better.

lubeybooby Sun 27-Jan-19 16:18:07

@madcatladyforever I agree she needs to get it sorted out before housebuying and I wouldn't help either til she does

it's so nice to be free too

Collaborote Mon 28-Jan-19 03:32:10


Don't handover any money until the Divorce is sorted. Worst case scenario is that the husband of your son's partner reappears and wants part of the house that is in his wife's name.

KanielOutis Mon 28-Jan-19 04:03:41

Can your son buy a house himself, or buy split shares with your money going towards his share?

Mumblers Mon 28-Jan-19 04:27:52

Im still legally married to my ex after nearly 5 years. Can't afford it - simple as that. Not even the cheapo DIY £600 internet divorce. Just don't have that kind of money all in one go. Its not ideal but its just the way it is.

m0vinf0rward Mon 28-Jan-19 06:38:52

Only 18months into separation and waiting for the 2yr mutual abandonment time limit. This was agreed so is not an issue. However I'd not want to go beyond that as I don't want to be responsible for any of her future debts.

tisonlymeagain Mon 28-Jan-19 12:08:01

@ragged Yes, mine just cost the £550 divorce fee.

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