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Anyone have a story......... solicitor court kids custody all that.

(21 Posts)
Changeisahead Fri 25-Jan-19 19:51:42

okay so the other day I posted asking details about clarification of court procedure and working full time and that sort of stuff

I had mixed replies and some negative experiences I am so sorry for those people who had those this is hard enough without coming away feeling like your have lost more than your marriage. Someone made a extremely valid point that what one person thinks is good another may think is bad, and so on. its all relative.

So I wondered does anyone have a very positive court experiences,
for example getting more than 50% not having to share their kids when they don't think they should, and all the other stuff.

Basically I am asking for you to share your experience stories that sort of stuff. I really have no idea what to expect for the 12 months of my life. I know the last 20 years has been hell I cant think of anything good or nice except my amazing kids but outside of that not a bean.

So please please share, the road ahead is an unknow scary one...……………

OP’s posts: |
Moffa Sat 26-Jan-19 07:28:42

Sorry no story, but following as I am heading towards this process flowers

Weenurse Sat 26-Jan-19 07:31:26

No advice but here to provide support and hugs as required 💐🍾

lickencivers Sat 26-Jan-19 07:37:22

My ex wanted full custody of the kids. 100% residence and offered me 2 hours on a weekend day if convieneient.

He got EOW and a midweek night. He wasn't happy.

Weenurse Sat 26-Jan-19 07:56:33

@lickencivers what and how did he come up with this idea. Was he stay at home parent?
This is so unrealistic it is bizarre

lickencivers Sat 26-Jan-19 08:04:46

No I was historically a SAHM until I left him (because he was financially, sexually and emotionally abusive).

His contact suggestion was based on the idea that I was now having a career and obviously didn't want my children any more.

mug2018 Sat 26-Jan-19 09:42:38

My soon (I hope) ex husband also believes that he will achieve the resident parent 'status' and that our daughter will 'chose' to live with him. (Despite his financial & emotional abuse). I am confident that he doesn't have a case to pursue this but do you have any advice you could share ?

(For those of you following & hoping / planning: I have hoped for this for 6yrs & now it's out there and happening, whilst upsetting (because he is so nasty) I have never been more determined & a huge weight is lifting

Marlboroandmalbec34 Sat 26-Jan-19 10:18:33

My ex also went for full residency, he got EOW and 1 week night every other week. He reckons he is taking me back for 50/50 but I have messages from him saying he wants this to stop maintenance so hoping that’s enough proof that it’s not in dc best interest

Moffa Sat 26-Jan-19 16:59:21

Thank you @mug2018 I cant wait for the weight to lift

Changeisahead Sat 26-Jan-19 23:08:42

Marlboroandmalbec34 please could you explain what happened and how old your kids are?

My ex threated he would go for full residency when I said I was going for Financial hearing (isn't that blackmail)

he has now asked for 50/50 but he has been violent and abusive towards my oldest so I am struggling with this, children need their father but I also have to make sure I feel they are safe and I don't

Views would be helpful

OP’s posts: |
Changeisahead Sat 26-Jan-19 23:12:00


Did you take the kids with you when you left, well done for getting a job and leaving him behind.

How old are your kids and how come do you reckon the court didn't go for 50/50.

please could you share more of the story

OP’s posts: |
Ella1980 Sun 27-Jan-19 04:24:52

My story is very similar! I left an emotionally abusive and controlling ex after a decade of hell. When I went he was FURIOUS and I've been paying the price ever since.
The same as another poster, he took me to court applying for full custody for no other reason than for control. Courts went exactly 50:50 which I am still angry about five years on. My boys were 3 and 7 at the time.
Because share is 50:50 ex-husband does not have to pay a penny to me despite our earnings and earning potentials being hugely different.
In terms of finances well put it this way...he still lives in the five bed exec marital home while we still live in a damp two-bed five years post-separation. The divorce settlement was a joke (ex is a Chartered Accountant who knows how to fiddle financial documents).
I am campaining for change in two areas a) That coercive control be recognised and dealt with effectively and b) That Child Maintenance is payable in cases of 50:50 custody in which one party earns considerably greater than the other.
My local MP has written to Justin Tomlinson on my behalf (I received her letter confirming this last week) and has asked for his response ASAP. I will keep fighting for answers and change because sadly my biggest regret is that I didn't stay until he physically injured me. I would have been able to give evidence then and not lost my children for half of the time. It should not be like this.
But...please be reassured not all ex's are as evil as mine!!!! I know some that are wonderfully reasonable and work successfully in the best interests of the children together. How are things with your ex generally?
Despite all of these battles I do not regret leaving. I owed it to my children and to myself. I now have a man in my life who loves me and the kids and I feel safe. We may not have much money at all and yes I still have dark days (and insomnia at times!) but I would leave him all over again.
I know this isn't all a happy story but I hope it helps? It is a very scary time but don't doubt for one second that you can and will get through it.
Ella x

TeenTitans10 Sun 27-Jan-19 10:52:30

I won't deny it's been hard, but I'd do it again in a heartbeat as we are so much happier and more importantly the dc feel safe now. Went through the whole court process for dc, four trips to court, he asked for residency, section 7 recommended EOW (at this point he had scaled down his expectations to 50/50)- he rejected that but then hours before final hearing he sent email asking for one day per week (no overnight) and didn't show up to court! So I suppose he did get what he asked for in the end. It was all about control. Left me feeling v sad for dc. It was an emotional and uncertain time putting our future in the hands of a complete stranger, but thank God it worked out.

Going through finances now, but tbh I feel like I'll manage whatever now that the dc are sorted. He pays the base rate of maintenance. I've kept all paperwork to show dc if necessary when they are older, just in case he tries to claim it was me that stopped him seeing them!

TeenTitans10 Sun 27-Jan-19 10:54:24

Do the freedom program if you can (through women's aid). It really helps to understand/anticipate their patterns of behaviour.

Ella1980 Sun 27-Jan-19 12:40:19

How you guys got more than 50:50 I don't know. But absolutely not saying you shouldn't have done btw!!!
Could I ask how the courts came to their decisions re custody? As I say mine went 50:50 as the fact that he had abused me (except physocally) our whole married life wasn't taken into account. I think it was Cafcass who failed us big time-my ex's charm and lies worked on our investigating officer lady too. Example: I used to have to escape the house when he became verbally abusive/threatening and go to my mum's until he had calmed down and I wasn't shaking. Cafcass reported that as "Leaving the house to my own personal gain". He also reported lies like my first boyfriend (whom I was happily with for 6 years and remain really good friends with) used to be physically violent towards me. Whaaaaaat? This also went down in the report to court. This was only some of it.

mayathebeealldaylong Sun 27-Jan-19 13:18:02

So when a dad or nrp goes for full or 50/50 it is a tactic because the court always gives less then requested. So your advised to ask for the most and expect to be brought down.
It's stupid and a waste of time but then again when parents don't agree
This is the process.
Also if the nrp is granted eow and one night and all hoes well ( seems too) they can go back to court for my because they have proven they are sticking to the plan and have always wanted to see their dc more.

I wouldn't sweat it, he will get the basic for now and you obviously know if he would go back to court again for an increase.

Changeisahead Sun 27-Jan-19 13:53:14

Ella do you mind me asking why they reported as you leaving the house and how could they prove you did were you supposed to stay home every day.

And what on earth has your ex boyfriend got to do with anything you went through. I don't get it.

Malboroandmalbec50 on what grounds did they make those arrangements and how old are you kids.

Its all quite confusing as to how it works and who will get what!

OP’s posts: |
grinchypants Sun 27-Jan-19 14:02:40

Is this daily fail

LRL2017 Sun 27-Jan-19 14:10:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Changeisahead Sun 27-Jan-19 14:25:35


Is this Daily Fail?? what does that mean?

OP’s posts: |
Collaborote Mon 28-Jan-19 05:49:35

Its all quite confusing as to how it works and who will get what

You have asked a very generic question that nobody on MN, even those in Legal, can answer based on the small amount of information provided. No two Divorces will ever be identical and listening to generalizations can be misleading.

If you and your partner are prepared to be amicable and honest with disclosure then two Family Solicitors should be able to work out a deal that is fair to you both. However, if one, or both, has unrealistic expectations and makes the Divorce a contest be prepared for the following:

Lots of Stress
Lots of Costs

If proceedings are taken all the way to the Final Hearing the worst case scenario is that Judge makes an order that neither partner wanted.

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