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Leaving when I might lose my daughter

(8 Posts)
shellsontheshelf Tue 22-Jan-19 09:29:29

I have a history since she was born of shouting and crying at husband when we argue. I get very upset and feel I’m losing control. He is very calm and always perfectly behaved until yesterday when he shoved me during an argument and wouldn’t let me leave the room when I wanted to. I was shouting so hardly blameless but the shoving and blocking scared me. When I shout it scares him I think.
I want to leave but everytime I bring it up he says well fine but I will push for full custody and have already talked to a solicitor. He earns much more than me and he says that with my history of shouting and crying and being g on antidepressants for a few years he can get full custody, and because he can afford a house to live in.
Realise even this post is making me sound unstable but I don’t think I am. In very unhappy and love my child so much. I don’t want to be with him anymore but if I leave I could lose my girl forever and she will grow up thinking I didn’t love her enough to stay.
Don’t know why I’m am posting I know I have to get legal advice but suppose I just wanted to know if any one has had similar experience
For full info I am working on not shouting with a therapist. I know it’s a form of abuse. I feel like such a worthless person

OP’s posts: |
LIZS Tue 22-Jan-19 09:34:01

Can you take her with you or insist he leaves? Call Womens Aid for advice.

Mortified555 Tue 22-Jan-19 09:34:19

flowers shells he's really done a number on you. Shouting during a row is not abuse, him manipulating you so you have to tread on eggshells is.

Please talk this through with women's aid, you might have to try a few times to get through.

If you are the main carer there's very little chance he'd get residency no matter what, but this situation is not healthy or normal and I would strongly recommend that you talk to someone about it. A friend, your gp, someone you trust.

SkinnyPete Tue 22-Jan-19 09:54:07

Tough one. Arguably the shouting could count as emotional abuse too. Him pushing you could be understood as a reaction. Did he actually do any physical harm and you can evidence that? Is it also the first time? As continued physical actions is abuse.

Have you been emotionally abusive to your DD at all? Shouting at her unreasonably?

I very much doubt you will lose your girl based on what you've said above. You have parental responsibility, so you're entitled to leave if you can't stay and you're looking after her day to day needs. However I'd advise you not to deny contact with your husband as that is unreasonable.

MightyMoose Tue 22-Jan-19 10:06:13

You could end up with 50:50. Would you be happy with that? Do you want to save your relationship?

Bumblebee39 Tue 22-Jan-19 10:06:16

How horrible for you
Sounds like he's doing what he can to make your MH worse, and then using it against you when you react

Changeisahead Fri 25-Jan-19 00:23:35

Okay this is a red flag a warning sign, you shouting is not acceptance for him to push you,

Do not make excuses for him, you need to address I can tell you for sure it will not end with one push

Sorry to be blunt but I want you to know the facts and I want you to be safe I speak from a woman who let this sort of thing continue once which has lead to many many many more encounters like your I made excuse after excuse for year and years and years please don't waste your life like I have mine be strong.

Deep down you know it is wrong as I did, I wish you well and if you need any help please PM me,

Take big care and stay safe.

Changeisahead Fri 25-Jan-19 00:30:24

oh and btw you wont lose your daughter no one you haven't done anything wrong, this is control and manipulation people behave like this when they have what they want threatened. Its like a child always refer back to that its a bit like that mine you aren't having that"

And your post does not sound unstable in anyway, just because you are on antidepressants that does not make you unstable, you are addressing your condition and not ignoring it, my goodness if every woman that was on antidepressants lost their children, no kids would have mums, really stand strong and look stuff up they do not take children away from mothers. He is using scare tactics to make you stay.

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