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Being divorced and living in the same house - possible?

(17 Posts)
CatyaPurella Wed 16-Jan-19 09:15:01

So, we are going through the divorce process and just waiting on the Nisi date. My STBXH is keen to proceed to the absolute asap but I don't want to be divorced and living in the same house together. House has been on the market since early November but Brexit has killed the market so lowering the price is not making any difference. I don't understand how it can possibly work us being divorced but still living together. We have separate rooms but it's killing me as it is - how do I move on if we are still here together for the foreseeable future? It's not an abusive relationship (apart from him flying off the handle over a broken fruit bowl) so I have no concerns in that way.
Just curious if others have had to go through this..

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xzcvbnm Wed 16-Jan-19 09:28:14

Yes plenty of people have - best to grit your teeth and crack on. Obviously every house has a selling price, and the likelihood would appear to be that Brexit will either be very soft or not happen at all.

The alternative is for one party to move out and rent, but sometimes this isn't financially viable or isn't tactically advisable.

Have you agreed finances through an order? Do you have children and if so are child arrangements agreed? It will take 6 weeks after nisi for absolute to be granted.

CatyaPurella Wed 16-Jan-19 11:55:24

Thanks for your reply, yes unfortunately, neither of us can afford to move out - financial reasons only.

Finances have been informally agreed, no consent order yet and we have agreed how the children will split their time and the finances in regards to them. It's all pretty amicable but I need to move on. I assume that the absolute could be granted without the financial order and we could do that after the house is sold?

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Hotterthanahotthing Wed 16-Jan-19 13:23:36

You need the consent order finalised before the absolute.Add a clause that the house must be on the market just to be on the safe side and what the equity split is.
I handed a copy to solicitors dealing with the house sale as our house also took a while to sell.

CatyaPurella Wed 16-Jan-19 13:37:57

Ooh that's a good idea, thank you - we totally agree on 50/50 split and that would definitely be documented but agree it should stay on the market.

I really wanted the house and finances sorted before he applied for the absolute, as amicable as it is I sense it getting uglier the longer it goes on.....

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PurpleWithRed Wed 16-Jan-19 13:44:29

I did it for 14 months; best diet I’ve ever been on... We weren’t very amicable which didn’t help although we did our best to keep up appearances. But we gritted our teeth, lived through it, it eventually the house sold and we moved on.

This too will pass.

iamthrough Thu 17-Jan-19 15:15:33

I've been through this too. Lived together for 10 months during divorce process as we were also in financial position of having to sell. Best advice would be to avoid each other as much as possible - but remain considerate of each other (as much possible anyway) and finally just grit and bear it - you will get through it - the house will sell eventually and you can both move on. I would advise to keep an eye on the market and keep your options open long term though - separate your day to day finances if you haven't done already and be very clear who pays for what in the interim period before house sale happens. There may come a time when you have to re-consider your options and perhaps one of you buy the other out - especially if the market really does bomb.

CatyaPurella Thu 17-Jan-19 15:56:24

Thank you for your replies, we do live fairly separately now but that is more down to me than him. I don't want to sit in front of the TV every night with him so go upstairs and have a bath or read and avoid cooking for him if I can. Financially we just keep putting the same money in the house running 'pot' but everything else is separate which it always has been. I would love love love to buy him out but sadly don't have 100k in which to do so....

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lifebegins50 Thu 17-Jan-19 22:21:07

It would be highly unusual for an absolute to he granted without a financial consent order in place.

Think through the impact of a long sale or a drastic price reduction, what would be the impact for you? A good solicitor will cover all the bases but remember a consent order is binding. Will you go for clean break or an opportunity to vary within a few years?

blackteasplease Fri 18-Jan-19 00:18:55

I found it hell on earth living with exh between separation and divorce. Especially having go through the court process with him living there.

Usually you get decree nisi then do the financial settlement and after that the decree absolute. But I was advised it doesnt have to be that way.

PinaColada1 Fri 18-Jan-19 00:27:16

Yes, doing this now. Separate rooms. He works long hours which helps.

I began hiding away in my room, however I’ve now decided to be more relaxed. I go out once or twice a week, I watch tv downstairs 3 evenings and up in my room 2 evenings. It seems to work okay.

What’s really hard is psychologically moving on. DP every so often makes advances, which he’d do quite subtly and too well, me ending up rejecting him but feeling emotional and ultimately lonely. As intimacy is hard to reject. We are vulnerable.

I gave up trying to feel single. Instead I’m very firm and no hugs anything. No sharing events, birthdays etc. Tell your family and friends. Go on holiday yourself. Get fit, get healthy, get sorted financially, start to broaden your friendships.

Good luck it’s really tough.

MissedTheBoatAgain Fri 18-Jan-19 02:02:22

Interesting stuff this as when I went through Divorce the Courts would not issue the Decree Nisi whilst myself and partner where living at same address. So I had to move out.

That was in 205/2016. Has the Law changed since then?

xzcvbnm Fri 18-Jan-19 11:15:25

I got both decree nisi and absolute while living in the same house as my ex wife

CatyaPurella Fri 18-Jan-19 12:23:03

Thanks all, we haven't done anything together for ages so that's easy. I want to get out a bit more but financially also trying to be super careful so that limits things a bit. It's hard because we have 3 young-ish children who know we are separating but now we can't sell the house are getting confused about when we are moving.
It's just rubbish

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PinaColada1 Fri 18-Jan-19 16:47:07

How is the atmosphere in the house?

namechangedtoday15 Fri 18-Jan-19 16:52:57

Agree with life begins at 50. It would be quite foolish to allow the absolute to do through without a formal order in respect of the finances. See a solicitor, even if it's just a free half hour.

CatyaPurella Mon 21-Jan-19 11:45:22

Atmosphere is ok I suppose but it does blow up from time to time. We will definitely do the consent order, it just feels strange to do it when we are still living together. Sounds like the nisi is going to take months to come through anyway so I guess there is plenty of time still...

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