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Children and Finances

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Nina1202 Tue 15-Jan-19 09:57:59

Hi All,

I wanted some assistance with a children/ financial matter that I am experiencing with my husband (soon to be ex). We split up in October 2016 and are currently working out children, finance and the divorce. I am a high school teacher.

In October we agreed a parenting plan that allowed the children to stay with me, but see him regularly on weekends and on holidays. As part of this he agreed not to consume alcohol when with the children. However, I am certain he is not complying with what was agreed. The children say he takes them to the pub, and he sits there drinking what he calls ‘apple juice’. I know this is not the case as he has an alcohol addiction problem. He drives the children around drunk. It has now got to a point where he has dropped the children to school late. The children are scared to admit that he is consuming alcohol out of fear that it could have wider repercussions for me and them.

He has deliberately left his job which is reducing the child maintenance he pays and we will be going through financial proceedings shortly to split assets etc. He is being awkward and not allowing me to negotiate a new mortgage deal, which means I am paying an extra £250pm on the mortgage unneccesarily. He also has his eyes on my pension. I have now gone into overdraft and am struggling financially.

•Is there anything I can do regarding the mortgage to lower it?

•Any advice on how I can catch him out or prevent him seeing the children knowing he is consuming alcohol when with the children? Going to court will be a costly process and I do not have a lot of funds left.

Thanks for your help in advance.


OP’s posts: |
2LittleCubs Tue 15-Jan-19 16:25:19

Hi Nina. With regards your mortgage, you can contact your mortgage company and ask them for a 'break from mortgage payments due to family upheaval. They will give you a month or two where you can avoid your mortgage payments.
With regards your husbands drinking, that is too serious to wait for proof. I would stop his contact immediately. If he issues court proceedings, tell the judge of his addiction and suggest that his application for contact is struck out pending alcohol testing being carried out on your husband. If you can't afford a solicitor, tell the judge yourself or submit a written statement if you're too nervous.
Sorry to hear of your troubles. I hope it all works out.

anna38anna Tue 15-Jan-19 19:54:37

Hi Nina,
Sorry to hear of the troubles you’re having. Regarding contact with the children, document the evidence of when/how you feel he’s in breach of the contact agreement and where you feel his drinking is affecting the safety of the children. You need a 3rd party on your side and I believe there would be a couple of ways to engage their support - you could call Social Services, or if you’ve had the help of a professional (like therapist or doctor) at any point, I believe they would make a referral for you. Any professional will care about the well-being of the children and will not accept the status quo.

Where the mortgage is concerned, what is your long term wish for the house when finances are divided? If you intend to sell and move elsewhere, that influences your next steps now. If you want to hold on to the house, probably you should request the payment holiday if that’s available to you.

MissedTheBoatAgain Wed 16-Jan-19 08:35:22


I don't think mortgage is the priority at the moment. If your children are being driven around by a drunk driver that has to be stopped. Cancel contact immediately is my recommendation.

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