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Can I stay in the house?

(15 Posts)
Workingmummaof4 Mon 14-Jan-19 21:35:37

Hi I know I need to seek legal advice but wondered if anyone can advise on steps I need to take..

Been in a verbally abusive relationship for 11 years. Have 4 children between ages of 9 and 3. I work and am not married.
Mortgage is in joint names.
I’m so unhappy and have no help with children at all. I do it all from homework to running them to clubs/school etc
Weekends is his time he says and never does anything with childten. He is self employed and not been bothered to work much the past 6 months putting even more pressure on me.
I’m exhausted both mentally and physically and my weekends are dedicated to my children. I love being with them and do not want to miss a single thing.
The relationship is over. He says sell the house and give me my half....but if I do that I won’t be able to get another mortgage on my own....I didn’t know if I could stay in the house a few years until I can earn more money to then get a mortgage on my own?
He’s already said he won’t work so I won’t receive any maintenance...
I’d be grateful for any advice as I feel so alone and worried what to do for the best for my children. Thanks

OP’s posts: |
Petitprince Mon 14-Jan-19 21:52:35

I'm not an expert but I think you may struggle to stay in the house if you aren't married. If you sell, is there enough equity to allow you to buy two smaller properties?

Starlight456 Mon 14-Jan-19 21:54:58

This is a legal advice one.

Workingmummaof4 Mon 14-Jan-19 22:05:33

Thank you for your response.
I’m not sure if it would be split 50:50?
Not enough for me to buy a property outright. I’d need a small mortgage and unfortunately gave up my job in the city to work locally and work around the children. Needless to say, the money is pathetic.
I will need to go back up town....

OP’s posts: |
Petitprince Mon 14-Jan-19 23:22:49

It will depend, did you both put the same amount in and are you both inn the deeds equally?

Workingmummaof4 Tue 15-Jan-19 06:57:29

I put in my flat . He put in nothing he had absolutely nothing when I met him. I had my own place and very good job in the city which I loved...he made me give it up with his controlling ways. Very jealous person.
I’m going to double check the deeds today. And will contact a solicitor today. Hopefully they will shed some light.

OP’s posts: |
SingaSong12 Tue 15-Jan-19 07:14:10

OP here is some general information from citizens advice. Controlling behaviour and verbal abuse are part of domestic abuse. Do have a look at a Women’s Aid website or phone. From cab you both have an equal right to stay in the home. Ultimately a court would have to decide.
There are others on MN with personal experience of DA who I’m sure can offer support and guidance.

The default position is that the court expects couples to attempt mediation. If you do not feel able to come to arrangements or go through mediation then you can consider reporting what is happening to the police or other organisations.

When you get legal advice tell them about DA and they can talk to you about applying for orders to exclude your partner from your home. I’m not saying you should do this, just know your options.

Workingmummaof4 Tue 15-Jan-19 11:25:06

Thank you for you advice I’m very grateful

OP’s posts: |
Petitprince Wed 16-Jan-19 09:12:13

Did you manage to speak to anyone OP?

Workingmummaof4 Wed 16-Jan-19 13:44:27

I’m off work Friday so plan to make some calls then

OP’s posts: |
Pieandmashplease Wed 16-Jan-19 23:03:37

Hi I'm in a similar position @workingmumma although my DC are 14 & 19 and I'm a lot older than you. I saw a solicitor last week and she said I should think about a Mesher Order whereby you are allowed to stay in the house but become responsible for the mortgage. Your DH would have charge on the property until it was sold at a particular trigger point e.g. your youngest child turns 18 or you remarry. I wish I'd taken notes but am seeing another on Friday and this time have an A4 sheet of paper.

Personally I'm hoping for a 70/30 split if we have to sell the house as I doubt I'd get a mortgage at 56 and have just been made redundant but that may be wishful thinking!

I've been a doormat for too many years and like you the verbal abuse has finally ground me down and I've seen it for what is actually is i.e. DV. Good luck with everything x

whatamidoingwithmylife Wed 16-Jan-19 23:18:43

When I got divorced, the bank told me they would give me a much better mortgage deal if I stayed in my own home (was something ridiculous like 90% of the value of it) rather than sell up and end up being able to get sod all on another mortgage.
Speak to your bank about how much they would lend you for your property singly and work out if that allows you to be able to pay him off. Mine did as market value less the mortgage left, split 2 ways meant I only owed him £22k.
Good luckthanks

Workingmummaof4 Thu 17-Jan-19 13:03:46

Thank you for your advice @pieandmashplease and @whatamidoingwithmylife.
We have a lot of equity in the house and my mortgage is only 110k so very small really although still a lot for me on my own and I certainly couldn’t buy him out.Not sure If I would be entitled to some credits that’s another phonecall to Harv i need to make tomorrow.
Re mortgages not sure how long I can get a mortgage for as I’m 38 now. Also the fact that I’ve got 4 young children will go against me.
I’ll let you know how I get on with my calls tomorrow x

OP’s posts: |
Weenurse Fri 18-Jan-19 06:53:20

Good luck

Moneymachine Sat 19-Jan-19 22:09:30

Watching with interest as in similar situation. Hope it goes well for you workingmumma!

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