This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Please help(7 Posts)
H and I separated in Nov 2017. Quite a nasty split. He’s been unfaithful a few times over 14 years. 3 beautiful DC’s, now ages 12, 9 and 6.
H drinks and isn’t particularly great as a parent for lots of reasons.
Yesterday he had the kids for 4.5 hours.
When they came back they were all upset. It turns out he told 6 year to stand outside the front door as a punishment. 6 year old did so. He left him out there, unable to getting back in for what sounds like about 25/30 mins. 6 YO sobbed to me he was frightened and cold and needed a wee and daddy wouldn’t let him back in. I have never been so distraught or angry. I confronted H, who swore at me. I pulled them all into the house and locked the door. All kids upset saying they don’t like daddy.
I’m heartbroken for my wee baby. What if someone had taken him!?
H then kept calling. I ignored but eventually answered. He heartened me so I hung back up. I text him to say I was going to call the police. Then he just text streams of abuse saying he didn’t want to see me or them ever again and he wasn’t going to give me a penny ever again.
I’m absolutely devastated for what happened to 6 YO. Fair enough he went out and shit the door himself ( H’s argument: ‘he went out of joan own accord’), but because H told him to and then he wouldn’t let him back in!!
What do I do? I am going to contact CMS in the morning on the way to work. I will have to muddle through with help from friends and family childcare wise. And I have told the kids they don’t have to go to his house again if they don’t want to. The boys seem ok. Daughter heartbroken as she worships her dad, but even she has said he’s mean.
Sorry for typos
*of his own accord
He sounds like an abusive creep. I’d be horrified too.
I think priority is to calm the dcs down. Get them to bed and aim for some reassuring normality. Then Tomorrow evening, sit down with each of them and ask them what they think should happen next.
If the 6yo doesn’t want to go again, I’d support him and let your ex take you to court where your concerns can be aired.
The other two may want different things so let them tell you calmly what they think.
Can you agree with your eldest, what to do if anything like this ever happens again. Ring you or go straight to a trusted neighbour etc. Does your eldest have a mobile?
Thank you for replying. They were all in bed asleep when I posted.
They were so upset in the evening though. I have told hem if they don’t want to go back, they don’t have to. They wouldn’t have seen him at all this week anyway, due to shifts.
Daughters birthday is at the end of the month. I don’t know what will happen.
I just want them safe and happy.
Both older children have mobiles. They’re never bloody charged though 🙄
He can’t stop paying money - it’s a legal obligation. If he does they will catch up with him.
It sounds like everything needs to calm down today. Is the front door right on to the street? It’s hard to judge how bad this is without a bit more detail. In a house with a drive it would be not a big deal but in the corridor of a tower block or on a main road the it would be!
You need to report this event, you may need the evidence in the future. Phone the police on the none emergency number and ask for their advice. I would also contact Children's Services or NSPCC and ask for advice on reporting this incident and keeping the children safe.
You need to be doing something proactive to support the children. I would even consider speak to their schools. If DS6 goes in to school and tells an adult what happened they should report it as a safeguarding issue.
Do you think your ExH had been drinking? And yes to CMS dealing with maintenance
Please login first.