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Advice Needed Husband wants divorce so shocked

(17 Posts)
beadlem Thu 03-Jan-19 18:15:58

Really confused and do not know where to start or where to go, my husband of 17 years announced just before Christmas he's not happy anymore and wants to split and sell family home. I have made an initial consultation with a solicitor which is next week, but I am worried about the cost and do not have much income, I also have a 14 year old daughter and she is upset cried on Christmas Eve, have tried to talk things through with him but he is not budging and wants to divorce. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

OP’s posts: |
Iloveunicorns1977 Thu 03-Jan-19 18:17:27

I have no idea what to say but just wanted to send you love and a big hug xxx

Singlenotsingle Thu 03-Jan-19 18:22:03

He may well want to divorce but he'll have to have a good reason. Adultery, or your unreasonable behaviour if he wants it quickly (otherwise 2 years separation with consent of both parties; or 5 years if you don't consent)). He can't necessarily count on the house being sold either!

PurpleWithRed Thu 03-Jan-19 18:22:48

I am so sorry, you sound very shocked.

Do not make any rushed decisions. Gather information (assets, pensions) and consider any ideas he already has for your daughter and your home but give yourself space and do not agree to anything in a hurry. Give yourself space for grief and even a bit of madness.

Oh and you are likely to hear a lot about an other woman - my advice would be try not to get distracted and into a blame game, your daughter needs you to be adult and strong for her.

Scarydinosaurs Thu 03-Jan-19 18:23:36

Yes- as above he needs grounds??

Pockybot Thu 03-Jan-19 20:42:26

Law works .org U.K. has a good free advice setup

waterSpider Thu 03-Jan-19 21:23:54

As per others: it isn't a quick process; cannot just get a divorce without some delay. No necessity to sell the house in the short term ... even if a court goes on to require that, it takes times. And, sometimes, not until the youngest child reaches 18. You may need to look into benefits (universal credit) if not working or on a low wage, and child maintenance that the less-resident parent is required to pay.

Practically, how will the child be looked after, a rent and other bills afforded? You may well be expected to move into work (if not already, or for longer hours), with some allowance for the time needed to do that.

Advice? Keep raising question of counselling/discussion. But prepare (as best anyone can) for a more single life...

beadlem Fri 04-Jan-19 16:34:30

Thank for all the fantastic responses I now feel less isolated and alone, and I am feeling stronger with some of the knowledge you have all passed on. Thank you so much.

OP’s posts: |
Itsnotme123 Fri 04-Jan-19 17:04:43

What a horrible situation to be in. As others have said he needs a reason to divorce. Is he still living in the marital home ? With children involved it can cost £5,000 upwards, but I think you can get help. The solicitor will advise. Also it takes months and months, sometimes years depending how it all goes. And house selling is very slow at the moment.

Maybe a frank discussion, counselling, or some kind of agreement. Some couples opt for an “open” marriage, where you stay married, live in the same house but act as single house mates. Works for some !

diamondsand Fri 04-Jan-19 17:11:14

I am too just got the announcement on boxing day, it was shocked, but luckily I don't have children to consider.

Be strong for your daughter, she is still young and complicated emotions on this matter.

Life have different stages, every stage is one chapter, it will have a beginning and End, tough times will make us stronger.

Take care.

BlueJag Fri 04-Jan-19 18:25:00

If that's what he wants. Make him do all the leg work.
He can find a solicitor etc. For now ask him to leave the house.
I'm sorry you are going thru this.

ShalomJackie Fri 04-Jan-19 18:29:23

No do not make him find a solicitor or do all the leg work!!! Definitely find your own and make sure you are on top of everything financer wise etc. Do not allow yourself to be railroaded!

FanjolinaJolie Sat 05-Jan-19 08:05:31

I’m really sorry you are going through this. My husband also of 17 years pulled the pin and stepped out of our marriage 5 months ago. Ran off with a single bag of clothes to live ‘an authentic life’ as he was not happy, hadn’t been happy for 6 months, 12 months, 5 years, the whole marriage. I was suppressing him apparently from living his dontsneous and exciting life. Story kept changing but not getting any better.

I’m not in the UK so it is s different process but the advice I have been given will apply. Ask your husband to leave the house. Stay strong and don’t lose your shit in front of your children. Vent to friends away from flapping ears. Write down all the things that concern you rather than letting worries tangle around in your head. Get signed off work and try to eat if possible and get sleep (I took sleeping tabs short term) take exercise to help release stress. In five months nothing has changed except my husband isn’t here. We communicate by email to make arrangements for the kids. It’s a freaking shitty nightmare.

FanjolinaJolie Sat 05-Jan-19 08:06:49

And do what feels right for you. Back yourself.

ohamIreally Sun 06-Jan-19 18:41:21

Agree with pp do not allow yourself to be railroaded. My ex did this - sudden abandonment and announced we would be renting out or selling our home. Even my MIL - his own mother told me under no circumstances to leave the family home. I was fixed on what I wanted and that was the family home for me and DD and managed to come to an agreement where that is what I got out of the divorce.
That won't work for everyone though as you have to consider pensions etc. Take it slow and look after yourself.

HirooOnoda Sun 06-Jan-19 18:45:07


Send your strength and flowers

Try the freedom programme ❤️

FanjolinaJolie Tue 08-Jan-19 08:49:45

What do you have in the way of immediate and practical help? Parents or friends?

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