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Confused by my divorce

(3 Posts)
Marlboroandmalbec34 Wed 02-Jan-19 13:07:33

I am divorcing my ex. I completed the paperwork via sols in sep but he has just received paperwork.
I am divorcing him for unreasonable behaviour and cited 3 reasons (all true) around his aggression in drink, violent threats and financial control. The paperwork said I would be asking him to pay. (Sols advised on all)
Things have been terrible between us since the split in June but had for the most part calmed down over last few months.We have 2 toddlers so we have to coparent together.
Finances and child contact are resolved.
Stbxh is now saying he will only accept the divorce if I pay all costs, I suggested we half or but he said no. If I want to divorce him using unreasonable behaviour and won’t pay he is going to counter the divorce???
Just don’t know what to do, I paid for divorce upfront so technically I have already spent the money but as a single mum to 2 I cannot really afford it.
I am not that bothered about been divorced, no plans to date anyone and would just wait 2 years which I think would at least help to maintain civil relations for dc but my sols said since I have paid court costs and there fee I would lose that money so may as well push on with it. Sols pushed me to start proceedings as so we could start on finances
I don’t know what I am asking..wwyd?
I defo don’t want to get back together but I cannot bear to keep fighting.
Should I just lose the money and cancel divorce?
Should I push through pay all costs and divorce him with the true grounds?
Could I change the grounds of the divorce to something less upsetting for him (he says it’s all lies but it’s not and I have witnesses/ police record)
Sorry for the rambling it’s just all v confusing and I am stuck with him for at least another 17 years confused

OP’s posts: |
NotBeingRobbed Wed 02-Jan-19 14:03:53

I’m afraid my experience is those initial costs are just the start. Every step with sols will cost you and there is no other way out. We are all mostly single mums once left!

I cannot fathom it myself but basically the legal system is grossly unfair. My sol suggested paying costs to just speed it up but I am no closer to the settlement many thousands of pounds more down the road.

Some people here seem to do DIY divorce. I personally think I need proper legal advice, not that it seems to be helping me.

You do need to bring this to an end somehow.

Marlboroandmalbec34 Wed 02-Jan-19 16:31:33

Thank you for replying..it all seems so wrong, we ended up agreeing a 50/50 financial split ourselves as he refused to complete form E and I was really struggling financially. He is a much higher earner and he stayed in the family home but my sols said it could take years to force him to comply and I needed some money to rent a house (could not live with him due to aggressive behaviour)
I just feel like he still has all the power and if I dont do what he wants the next 17 years are going to be shit.

OP’s posts: |

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